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Boris: “We Have A Plan!” Scott: “We Had One Too…” Donald: “Nobody Can Prove I Was Behind My Plan!”

There’s something strange about the conservative side of politics. Ok, there’s something strange about all sides of politics, but I’ve noticed a certain pattern from Tony, Scott, Boris and the rest.

I haven’t included Malcolm because we all know that – in spite of living in Point Piper – he’s a communist.

Anyway, when I heard Boris say that the difference between his government and the other side was that his government “had a plan”, I was reminded of the number of times our very own Liberals announced that they had a plan without giving much in the way of details.

“We have a plan for jobs and growth,” Tony told us without elaborating on exactly what it was, beyond telling us that economic growth will lead to jobs and growth which will lead to economic growth and it was terrible of the Labor Party to be in power when the GFC hit because they didn’t have the sort of growth we wanted even though it was better than anyone predicted.

“We have a plan for getting re-elected,” Scotty told us. I think I may be mistaken because I’m not sure he was ever that articulate and that his whole time in office relied on boring people with what he said and showing us the sort of photos that make Uncle Fred’s holiday slides from his trip to Corryong look interesting. This was meant to bore people to the point that they stopped paying attention and just presumed he must know what he was talking about because, well, we voted for him, didn’t we, and how can we be so stupid as to vote for someone who’s as bad as he appears.

Anyway, I find it strange that nobody ever seems to ask what exactly the plan is, when politicians assert that they have one.

I mean, most people have one. The question is: Is it a GOOD plan? Is it a REALISTIC plan?

Actually, that’s two questions, which is why one should always think about one’s plan before releasing it publicly.

The point being that if you plan to ignore your financial problems until Tattslotto is drawn, I suspect that you should be working on Plan B. Or if your plan is to marry Taylor Swift, it’s probably not going to work, but certainly just hoping she’ll call because she saw your Tinder profile is even less likely to be effective than writing to her and expressing your undying love.

Let’s be real – none of those plans are going to work.

Ok, never say never, but…

I mean, I’ve had a number of job interviews over the years and I’ve never thought that this would be a good strategy:

“So, Mr Brisbane, what do you see as the challenges of the position and how would you deal with them?”

“Well, there are significant challenges and I’d like to say that I have a plan to deal with them.”

“Go on.”

“It’s a plan and I think it would be a good idea to give the job to someone like me who has a plan.”

“Yes, but could you elaborate on your plan?

“I certainly could.”


“The plan, which is something I regard as my main priority, is to implement my plan in order to deal with the challenges.”

“And how would you deal with these challenges?”

“By implementing the plan, of course.”

“And how would it work?”

“Beautifully. It would be exactly what was needed!”

“We need something more specific.”

“Ok, my plan would be to take each challenge and make it disappear.”

“Let’s talk about a specific problem. How would you deal with lack of motivation?”

“Oh, I’m very motivated.”

“How would you deal with other people’s lack of motivation?”

“Glad you asked that because my plan is to get them to be motivated.”

“And how would you do that?”

“By implementing the plan!”

“Thank you, we’ll be in touch.”

Obviously, I wouldn’t get the job…

Although, depending who’s reading this, I may be offered the next leadership of a Liberal Party somewhere.

Oh, I just heard that the British PM job is up for grabs! Do I need to be British or just unable to comb my hair?


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  1. Phil Pryor

    We have had eras, ages, periods, zones, stages, dynasties, epochs, “times” and what have we had recently..? We have had the Era of the Unwiped, Political Perverted Prostitutional Peanut, a product of corporate capitalist profiteering supremacist drives to sustain a triumphal position of coercion, extraction, subjection, oppression, the egomaniacs dream. Criminal, crooked, uncivilised. Just selecting Trump, Morrison, Johnson and there are so many more turds, one has a Parade of Pustular Poxery in politics.

  2. New England Cocky

    Uhm Rossleigh ….. I suddenly realise that you are a fifth column irreverent revolutionary who worked for a decade writing meaningful speech scripts for the ”leaders” of the Liarbral Party of Scummo Crooks & Co.

  3. Albos Elbow

    If you backed the Murdoch Tory Trifecta of Trump/Morrison/Johnson rip up your tickets now.

    They are worthless, incompetent, corrupt liars.

  4. wam

    A great enjoyable read, Rosslegh, When I heard scummo et al talk about a plan. My brain ran to the time when my children were young. Our reaction to the word was: a man a plan a canal panama id est nonsense both ways.
    ps labor drops charges for bernard and boris is gone but still is???
    pps I wonder if you had a plan to be a coach?

  5. Henry Rodrigues

    Discredited, disturbed, disallusionist tories. Something all these fools have in common. Not a working braincell between the three of them. So their last resort is bluster, bombast, buffonery and bullshit. The only thing they’re good for is ballast in the pigsty.

  6. New England Cocky

    @ Henry Rodrigues: I strongly disagree. These three politicians demonstrated all the worst attributes of our political system. Self-serving, uncaring, ”me before thee”, promote my pecuniary interests – especially the post-PM benefits of occupying office and doing nothing for the benefit of Australian voters. How else do you get a generous termination package including international travel (Hawaii for Christmas anyone?), office & staff at full cost to the Australian taxpayers?

  7. Henry Rodrigues

    NEC….. I agree strongly with your disagreement !!!!! No one gives ordinary working women and women the benefits these gits get. Scummo the stupid, in particular, was there only for the money and the lurks and perks. As for Boris and Trump, let their countrymen sort them out.

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