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Beam Me Down, Scotty Morrison OR Are We There Yet?

Now just to explain. The road back to surplus is a bit like when the family gets in the car and goes on holiday. After a while, the kids will start to ask, “Are we there yet?” at which point, you just point out that the adults are back in charge and that we have a plan and our destination is a place called Surplus.

Ok, some of you in the back seat have been asking what we do when we get there, but it’s a long way off and we’ve got plenty of time to work that out after we get our Google Maps App working but the delay in the NBN means that we don’t have access to it at the moment. (I’d like to point out that the NBN delays are all down to Labor not spending money on fixing the copper wire, but that’s politics and we have more important things to discuss)

Of course, when Labor were behind the driver’s seat, they kept changing drivers and while we had a change of driver recently that was different because we didn’t do it because the driver was lost. We just did it because he wasn’t very good at explaining our route and kept confusing people by talking about boats when asked if we were going to stop for a toilet break.

On the subject of toilet breaks, we think that you should have gone before we left, so even if it is a long journey, the only people who’ll be able to ask for a break are those in the front seat, because, after all, if it wasn’t for those in the front seat, you people wouldn’t even have a back seat to sit in.

Just remember that we know what we’re doing and that if it seems to be taking longer than we said before we started driving that’s because we’ve decided to take a more scenic route and ensure that we don’t rush things because these things take time. Labor, as you remember promised to have us there by 2013, but we haven’t been as specific. All we’ve said is that we’ll have us there tomorrow. And we’ve consistently said tomorrow. And we’ll continue to say tomorrow.

The most important thing is to just sit back and enjoy the ride because there’s no quick way to get there. Helicopter rides are right out and we’re taking the best road possible even if we have to throw granny out of the car because she’s causing us to burn more fuel.

So stop asking, “Are we there yet?” and trying to suggest that we may be heading in the wrong direction. We’re not stuck in traffic, so we’re making great time and if we continue to make this sort of time, we’ll get there sooner even if we are headed south when we should be travelling north. The world is round. What goes down, must go up. Poor people don’t drive. You can’t live beyond your means. A stitch in time saves nine. A bird in the hand is liable to shit on you. Whatever.

Just don’t ask questions. We’re driving. We know where we’re going. We’ll let you know when we’re close. Stop asking when we’ll get there or I’ll get cross. I don’t want to have to stop the car, so just sit back and play, “I spy”.

Shit, a flat tyre. Labor never had to worry about things like that!

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20 comments

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  1. jim

    Look! if labor were in the drivers seat we would have ten times the mess we have now just ask any Liberal party member and they will have to tell you that, or else. Government spending hit a record low in 2010 only because we Liberals made Labor do so.And furthermore unemployment hit a record low of 4.2% in 2008 why because we were in opposition and they stole ideas from us Look! you can ask any Liberal that this is a fact.Oh and the Liberals never ever lie, fig jam. spoken by a true Liberal Scotty.

  2. Glenn K

    one of your funniest pieces!! Love it.
    Sad but true. LNP like to use these quaint metaphors because they don’t really understand it themselves and therefore assume the general populace is simply stupid enough to believe it (I like to think the populace is disengaged rather than stupid). Hate to think a minority of us are surrounded by a wealth of stupidity (though that’s entirely possible)…..

  3. Roswell

    Great stuff, Rossleigh.

  4. Douglas Pye

    Thank you Rossleigh ! 😉 ……. Whilst much mirth can be generated by the current ‘ actors ‘ on stage antics, the use of similes & metaphors is a touch tragic ! …….. not to mention insulting !

    The ‘ sailing ‘ one from Mr T. and now the ‘ holiday expedition ‘ from Mr. M takes me to Enid Blyth ( apologies Enid ! ) ….. if this is the new ‘ spin ‘ then heaven help us all. It clearly indicates to me that we’re held in serious contempt! By both the spin Dr.’s and then by the ‘ actors ‘ ……. come on !! ….

  5. salina florek

    I absolutely agree Douglas Pye.The analogy of little children riding in a car is both puerile and insulting, what next? a special funding for bedtime stories for the poor ignorant public? But maybe , just maybe they might just be right, notice how no one else has noticed or commented. I am offended by these people

  6. brickbob

    Fiscal consolidation,jobs and growth,nimble,car trips with the kids,innovation,are we there yet? we will reach our destination,trust us, jobs for the 21st century. Now is that clear people? so there you go.”” Any more questions?

  7. Terry2

    So, we’ve just come out of the Paris climate talks and the first thing the coalition does is cut back a central pillar of their Direct Action strategy by cutting back the Green Army.

    The Green Army was supposed to number 15000 unemployed young people – between 17 and 24 – but that’s now back to 5000 with just 500 projects a year. So, the other 10000, do they go on the dole ?

    Remember when Abbott joyfully told us that the Green Army would be ‘the largest standing environmental workforce in Australian History’.

    These blokes are a threat to this country’s future prosperity : their austerity program is already having significant impacts on – of all things given their rhetoric – infrastructure. Road building and maintenance is coming to a standstill ; in my area the local council has had to close a bridge due to lack of funds to carry out refurbishment.

    We have a revenue problem : admit it !

  8. John Hermann

    Those who insist on balancing the budget, and/or of pushing it in the direction of surplus, are either neoliberal ideologues or the dupes of neoliberal ideologues. Regrettably, the “budget surplus” mantra and slogans of Morrison and his cohorts (and before him, Hockey) fall into the latter category. However those who have a good understanding of macroeconomics, and of how the monetary and financial systems actually operate, will tell you that a return to surplus is not only a pipe dream but is inherently unsustainable. It is now widely held that Australia is moving in the direction of recession, and to persevere with the current fiscal settings in these circumstances is tantamount to applying a wrecking ball to the Australian economy – at a time when the opposite fiscal trajectory is required.

  9. mars08

    @John Hermann…. to be fair, you’d have to add Labor’s Wayne Swan to the list of dupes.

  10. John Hermann

    Yes indeed mars08, Wayne Swan is unquestionably another dupe of the neoliberal ideologues — just as ignorant of basic macroeconomic principles as are Hockey and Morrison. And in regard to the latter, although he is always full of hubris, at every interview with him that I have witnessed he has spoken nothing but nonsense grounded in ignorance.

  11. mars08

    I’m not sure if Swan is an “neoliberal ideologue” or if he just got suckered into a pitiful pissing contest with the Coalition…

  12. Arthur Baker

    Perhaps Scummo should be asking “Where the bloody hell are we?”. A not-dissimilar question went very well for him in a previous life.

  13. Arthur Baker

    Call me pedantic, but if Labor were “behind the driver’s seat” they shouldn’t have had their hands on the wheel at all.

  14. Rossleigh

    Actually, given the Liberals penchant for leaving things up to the market, as well as Malcolm’s innovation statement, shouldn’t the analogy have included a driverless car?

  15. Möbius Ecko

    Rossleigh. Paul Keating made a similar astute observation about Peter Costello in regards to sailing on autopilot and hammocks.

  16. Adrianne Haddow

    Love your work Rossleigh.

    Particularly like the image ” I’m voting liberal because ……. they have a plan.”

    Sadly that plan doesn’t appear to include the Australian people, apart from Gina and Twiggy and the IPA charity group.

  17. Nef

    My Letter to the Editor Today

    To use a Jim Morrison analogy for Scott Morrison’s holiday car trips with the family..

    Riders on the debt storm.

    Riders on the debt storm
    Riders on the debt storm
    Into this parliament house we’re born
    Into this world we’re throned
    (Lords, Knights and Dames)
    Like a (Abbott) dog without a bone
    An actor (Hockey) out on loan

    Riders on the debt storm.

    There’s a (Budget) killer on the road
    His brain is squirmin’ like a toad
    Take a long holiday
    Let the children in charge play
    If ya give this man (Abbott) a ride
    Sweet FAMILY (budget) will die
    Budget Killer on the road, yeah

  18. Ned

    Scott Morrison tells us that it’s just like going for a drive in the car. But Poor people either don’t have cars or don’t drive far

    A Jim Morrison analogy for Scott Morrison’s holiday car trips with the family.. Riders on the Debt Storm.

    To use another analogy.
    Scott Morrison might be wise to leave his Abbott policy luggage
    at home before he sets out on car Holiday car trip into the new year.

    Joe Hockeys response to Scott Morrison’s analogy for holiday car trips with the family… Poor people and their Family’s either don’t have a car or don’t drive far on holiday

    Riders on the debt storm.

    Riders on the debt storm
    Riders on the debt storm
    Into this parliament house we’re born (Born to Rule attitude)
    Into this world we’re throned
    (Lords, Knights and Dames)
    Like a (Abbott) dog without a back bone
    An actor (Hockey) out on loan
    (Treasurer for hire)

    Riders on the debt storm.

    There’s a (Budget) killer on the road
    His brain is squirmin’ like a toad
    Take a long holiday
    Let the Adults in charge now play
    If ya give this man (Abbott) a ride
    Sweet FAMILY (budget) will die
    Budget Killer on the road, yeah

  19. Sen Nearly Ile

    it’s a long way from labor’s debt
    it’s a long way to go
    it’s a long way from gillard’s debt
    the dumbest girl I know
    farewell little hockey farewell rabbott’s pride
    it’s a long long way to labor’s debt
    but billy’s on side.

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