Monday, 21st June.
You’d think Ben-Roberts-Smith-VC-Kerry-Stokes-Employee’s admission that he drank out of a replica of a prosthetic leg and not an actual prosthetic leg to the best of his recollection, would be the most absurd thing that you’d hear all day. As an admission in order to make one sound more reasonable, it’s right up there with, “No, this is not a photo of me in a compromising position with Donald Trump… It’s something I photoshopped to make it look like we were having intimate relations because I love the man and I didn’t realise people would see it when I used it as my profile pic on Facebook…”
Anyway, that was not the strangest thing that happened today.
The Nationals have decided that rather than stick with Michael McWhatisName, they’d go back to the Big Bananaby. Why? Well, it seemed to them that he was the best person for the job because – and I want you to stop for a long time and consider this – he was not only what the Nationals saw as a better person for the job than Elvis McCormack, but they couldn’t find anyone in their ranks who was more competent than either of them.
Whatever, I look forward to the future when the Nationals decide that, just as the name the Country Party was too limiting, they forge ahead and decide to call themselves the Multinationals because who gives a fuck about Australia… Before I’m picked up on this, I will say that their new leader certainly gives one and that’s why they’ve installed him…
When I say that he gives a fuck, I mean about the country, just in case there’s a bit of confusion and those trigger happy litigators in Parliament try to sue. Barnaby is one man who wants to leave the country a better place for his children. A country where they’ll be able to get jobs, because, heaven knows, he certainly won’t be able to support that many children no matter how big his super grows with the Deputy PM promotion or how much he gets paid for interviews about how terribly intrusive it is to have the media around all the time.
Perhaps the most interesting point about the return of Barnaby Joyce to the role of Deputy PM isn’t related to the discovery that at least one Coalition person can actually accurately count numbers. No, for me, it was the fact that the commentary was all about how there were whispers of a spill but the Canberra Bubbling Journalists were all telling us that it mightn’t happen and, even if it did, Joyce didn’t have the votes to succeed.
Ok, I have something that we need to break to these people very gently. It’s entirely possible that those backgrounding you have no idea what’s actually going on either but once they admit that, you won’t buy them dinner on your expense account. Of course, it’s also possible that they may know and still be prepared to lie. I know these things are terribly obvious, but so many of the guests on Insiders don’t seem to have noticed.
Perhaps, David Speers could have me as a guest and I could make stuff up and, even though it would often be wrong, at least it would be more interesting than his regular guests… and more plausible than Sky After Dark.
Mm, would a Rossleigh on Insiders hashtag work? Or should I just go on Hard Quiz and have as my special subject, “Things that we all know but journalists tell us we’re wrong about and then we’re proven right but they’re the ones that keep getting media time.”
So, will Scotty go to the election in October as he’s planned or will Barnaby’s ascension mean that he delays it? Or will he suddenly think that he better go next week?
I’ll put my money on October still…
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