Now, I know that I’m meant to write satire but sometimes I just have to use my language skills to point out what is probably bleedin’ obvious.

Compare the way the conservatives among us thunder on about burglaries and carjackings to the way they respond to people who are prepared to steal your life-savings…

No, I don’t mean the Labor Party. Honestly, the whole kerfuffle about the idea that money going to retirees from dividends should be taxed at least once was a great example of how the Liberals – with the help of Murdoch – can spin things that make Chicken Little’s “the sky is falling” look like a case of understatement.

But anyway, Victoria was being hit with a crime wave because of Dan Andrews being too soft on crime and that was making people too scared to go out at night. Well, that’s what we were being told. Although this did seem to stop once polling showed that, while people were becoming more concerned about gangs, they also felt that Labor would be better at dealing with it. We didn’t seem to hear much about African gangs after that.

However, I think that conservative calls for tougher sentences make an interesting comparison when placed along side Scott Morrison’s comments on the Royal Commission into Things We Tried To Avoid Looking Into Because These Men Aren’t Linked To Labor. Our Treasurer really got stuck into AMP, telling us:

“This type of behaviour can attract penalties which include jail time. That’s how serious these things are.”

Ok, it seems fair enough if you don’t actually compare it to say, a car theft. I can’t imagine any Liberal politician telling us that maybe, just maybe, a car theft could attract a penalty. You know, it might. And that penalty could include jail time. So, shucks, guys, you really shouldn’t be doing that sort of thing. I mean it’s that serious. So please don’t do it again, hey? Of course, it’s not like AMP and some of the banks were actually taking your car for a joy ride. Nah, they were just giving some people advice that led to them losing their home.

So it’s a bit rich when people complain that they were charged for financial advice they never received. I mean, given the quality of the financial advice and the fact that the Liberals opposed legislation to ensure that a financial advisor was acting in his or her client’s best interests, people who didn’t receive any advice at all should have been more than happy to pay for the privilege. Nay, they should have been grateful. Instead, they’re complaining.

The Liberals were right. There’s no need for a banking Royal Commission. It’s just fostering ill will and leading to a lot of complaints from people. Ok, not perhaps, the dead clients that the Commonwealth Bank continued to charge for advice even though they knew that they’d died. Let’s be real here, people. Dead people aren’t in the best position to make their own decisions so they probably needed the advice more than anyone. I have it from a source that in many cases the advice was: “You should stop paying me now that you’re dead.” Not one of these dead clients are complaining that the advice was wrong, even if it wasn’t heeded.

Yep…

I had another paragraph, but some days when I consider that, not only is Scott Morrison our Treasurer but he doesn’t seem as disconnected from reality as the rest of the government, words just fail me.