“The Labor Party, the Labor Party ran some of the most systematic, well-funded lies ever peddled in Australia.
“We have never, the mass ranks of the union movement and all of their millions of dollars, telling vulnerable Australians that Medicare was going to be privatised or sold, frightening people in their bed and even today, even as voters went to the polls, as you would have seen in the press, there were text messages being sent to thousands of people across Australia saying that Medicare was about to be privatised by the Liberal Party.”Malcolm Turnbull, Election Night Speech 2016.
“They have got a policy that is going to increase the cost of housing for all Australians, for those people who own a home and for those people who would like to get into the housing market through their negative gearing policy,” she said.
“We think it’s reckless, we think it’s irresponsible and we think that you need a very considered and adult conversation with the Australian people to let them know what the implications will be.” Kelly O’Dwyer, during the 2016 Election Campaign.
This seemed to contradict the assertion by various Coalition ministers that Labor policies on negative gearing would “smash” house prices, but Mr Turnbull clarified this to say that they’d make old homes lower, while increasing new homes.
“The numbers in the document released by Treasury are not Treasury numbers, but are a summary of a report from an ANU associate professor, Ben Phillips, that Labor uses to justify their negative gearing policy.
“The report was not done at the request of Treasury, nor did they endorse its conclusions…
“It’s not my policy so why would I have done any modelling on it?” Scott Morrison, during the 2016 election campaign.
In recent days, it’s emerged that prior to the 2016 election, Treasury had, in fact, reported that any effect on house prices from Labor changes to negative gearing be marginal. This seemed to contradict pretty much everything that the Coalition said during the 2016 election campaign. While the PM was unavailable for an interview, I was fortunate to be able to speak with well-known rapper and Liberal spokesman, Mr P. Dutty.
“Good afternoon, Mr Dutty. Now about the lies in the lead-up to the 2016 election …”
“Ah yes, Labor’s outrageous scare campaign on Medicare. It was a total lie, and…”
“Actually, I was referring to the statements from your side about negative gearing and how Labor proposals would drive prices down.”
“Now, let’s be clear here. Snowy 2.0 is a nation-building exercise and it was only thanks to Menzies that we had the original Snowy project.”
“Menzies was Opposition Leader and he originally opposed it, and he had to be talked around by the Labor government.”
“But that’s the thing. He wasn’t like the current Opposition who just keep opposing everything. They’d have to be the most negative Opposition party in the history of Australia.”
“Look, Snowy 2.0 is quite a large topic and while it may be a good thing because it’s the first time I can remember the Liberals actually suggesting a long term project, I fail to see how it’s going to solve the problem of energy shortages which we were told was going to be a priority in the coming months.”
“Well, it means that we can point to it and say look what we’re intending to do at some future date long after the next election.”
“Ok, but I’m more interested in your response to the negative gearing report about housing prices.”
“Well, I can tell you one place where house prices are likely to fall and that’s Melbourne. Honestly, I think Dan Andrews should resign if he can’t see the problem.”
“Are you talking about African gangs?”
“See, even you can see that there’s a problem what with all the carjackings and home invasions…”
“No, I was just pointing out that it’s being pushed every day by the local newspaper, while things like a 100 youths rioting in Torquay hardly gets a mention because they’re white.”
“Are you sure they were white? I mean, it was dark.”
“That seems a bit racist to me.”
“That’s the trouble with all this political correctness, it’s got so you can’t actually say things for fear of a backlash from all the lefty snowflakes who choose to be offended every time someone has the guts to come out and tell the truth.”
“Speaking of the truth, let’s get back to house prices.”
“And speaking of houses, people are too scared to leave their homes for fear of being attacked on the street.”
“But surely if home invasions are such a problem, they’d be safer in the streets?”
“Now you’re just being silly. No, people are afraid to eat out in Melbourne. That’s simply a fact.”
“So, presuming you have some data about restaurant receipts being down, couldn’t this also be because wages aren’t keeping pace with inflation?”
“Where’s your evidence for that?”
“Well, I don’t have any with me, but it’s generally acknowledged that…”
“Oh right, you can claim that it’s generally acknowledged when you want to argue something but as soon as I suggest that nobody in Melbourne has been to a cafe or restuarant all year, you demand to see the evidence!”
“Of course, people may be staying home because the Andrews government is removing a lot of level crossings and widening Punt Road, so traffic is a bit of a nightmare at the moment.”
“I think you’ll find that if Matthew Guy was Premier they’d be able to replace level crossings without any need for road closures.”
“How would they do that?”
“Um, well, that’s really a state issue so the details would need to be worked out by the individual parties, but you can trust me.”
“So, before we close, you have no comment to make about the… ah, exaggerations from your colleagues at election time.”
“As I said before, if the Andrews government can’t get a handle on what’s really important, then they should all just resign and let the experts on crime take over.”
“You mean the Mafia?”
“Thank you, Mr Dutty.”