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Adults in charge, or a dolt in charge?

Interviewer: Good afternoon, today we have a Liberal Party spokesperson, Noah Dear, because none of the Parliamentary party were prepared to be interviewed…

Mr Dear: Excuse me, but that’s not correct, they were all prepared to be interviewed, it was just considered that it would be best if they weren’t available.

Interviewer: And why weren’t they available?

Mr Dear: They were all involved in an “operational matter”. I can’t say any more, but these are dangerous times, as I’m sure you’ll appreciate.

Interviewer: What’s so dangerous about them?

Mr Dear: Well, everywhere you have people taking things that government members have said and twisting them so that the context is lost.

Interviewer: Which brings me to my first question, is it true that we are paying people smugglers to return asylum seekers to Indonesia?

Mr Dear: I’m sorry, but that’s not right.

Interviewer: So we’re not paying people smugglers?

Mr Dear: No, that wasn’t your first question, you’ve already several.

Interviewer: Notwithstanding the number of questions I’ve asked, is it true?

Mr Dear: Look it’s been a long-standing policy of this government that we don’t comment on things like that.

Interviewer: You mean operational matters?

Mr Dear: No, I mean anything that the Opposition can use to make us look ridiculous.

Interviewer: Such as anything Joe Hockey says, or most photos of Christopher Pyne?

Mr Dear: Let’s just say that I don’t want to confirm or deny the story. You can put me down as a definite: “No comment”!

Interviewer: But if we’re paying people smugglers doesn’t that seem a little contradictory to the government’s policy.

Mr Dear: Look, Mr Abbott has made it clear that he’s prepared to do whatever it takes to stop the vile trade of people smugglers…

Interviewer: Including paying the very people that we’re meant to be at war with?

Mr Dear: What do you mean “at war”?

Interviewer: In 2014, Mr Abbott himself said: “We are in a fierce contest with these people smugglers, And if we were at war, we wouldn’t be giving out information that is of use to the enemy just because we might have an idle curiosity about it ourselves.”

Mr Dear: So?

Interviewer: Well, if we’re at war with these people smugglers, doesn’t it seem a little odd to be giving them money?

Mr Dear: Look, if we were at war with people smugglers – and I’m not confirming that one way or the other, because it’s an operational matter and it’s our government’s policy not to comment on operational matters – then we’d be using whatever means we could to break their business model.

Interviewer: Including improving it by enabling them to be paid by both the asylum seekers and the government? Paying them twice doesn’t seem like a good way to break their resolve.

Mr Dear: That assumes that we’re paying them.

Interviewer: Well, are we?

Mr Dear: Maybe. But possibly not. However, if we are, then it would be a good idea. And, if we’re not, that’s because we don’t think it’s likely to work.

Interviewer: If I could just move on to another matter…

Mr Dear: Look, Mr Hockey is simply stating the truth, what bank is going to lend…

Interviewer: I was going to ask about the government’s determination to get rid of red tape and needless delays.

Mr Dear: Oh excellent, we’re doing all we can to remove red tape so that business doesn’t face unnecessary delays…

Interviewer: Yes, I understand. My question was: Given your dislike of regulation, why are certain Liberals like Chris Back and Matthew Canavan calling for increased regulation and restrictions on wind farms, and suggesting that there needs to be an inquiry.

Mr Dear: Well, obviously there are potential adverse health effects from living near a wind farm.

Interviewer: Do you have any scientific evidence to back this up?

Mr Dear: There have been a number of studies that people living near a wind farm may be subject ot all sorts of things because of the noise so I think that jury is still out on wind farms and while the jury is out, we shouldn’t be trying to judge.

Interviewer: But isn’t that what the PM did the other day when he said that there might be adverse health effects?

Mr Dear: MIGHT BE! He only said there might be.

Interviewer: Like we “might be” paying those vile people smugglers…

Mr Dear: Exactly but until we know one way or another we should give the government the benefit of the doubt.

Interviewer: So when exactly will we know. One way or the other?

Mr Dear: About the people smugglers or the wind farms?

Interviewer: About either. About anything.

Mr Dear: When the minister decides it’s appropriate for you to know. We are at war you know.

Interviewer: With whom? The people smugglers or the wind farms.

Mr Dear: I’m sorry but that’s an operational matter.

Interviewer: Unfortunately, you’re out of time.

Mr Dear: Not yet, it’s still months till Abbott calls the surprise election.

Interviewer: I meant for the interview.

Mr Dear: Oh. Well, I’ll just say good-night then.

Interviewer: But it’s still the afternoon.

Mr Dear: I’m sorry but I can’t confirm that.

Interviewer: It wasn’t a question. Until next time.

Mr Dear: It’s been a pleasure.


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  1. Aortic

    As the biased old witch calls a halt to members statements I wonder what the first question from the Leader of the Opposition will be? The likely response from PM probably will go something along the lines of,” well madam speaker, madam speaker we have repealed the carbon tax, given people back 550 dollars errrrrr ummmmm and can I say this madam speaker” at this point Tony Burke rises to his feet claiming relevance and is just as quickly sat down again. PM rises to say, ” we will take every step possible to protect the Australian people from terrorism madam speaker, that’s what we were elected to do madam speaker.” He then waddles to his seat secure in the knowledge he has again triumphed with obfuscation to a direct and pertinent question. The speaker applauds and punts the opposition Leader under 94a for asking far too pertinent a question.

  2. spiraledi1r

    It appears that we have discovered in Tony Abbliar our own indigenous(well imported from mother England???)Don quixote having a Tilt at the windmills,ably assisted by a succession of sorry looking and alternating Sancho Panzas starting from bigot Brandis through to asbestosis Bishop, to vile morriscum to irrascible yap yap Pyne..The only one with a permanent role is Mr Eleventy as the broken down nag Rosinante to Abbliars haplessly comical missions to regress Australia back to the ffties where those scary big 3 armed monsters were not a threat to our Healthy Coal producing monopolies.

  3. eli nes

    What sort of man is in charge of our country? A total commitment to his religious beliefs allows him the certainty of forgiveness for any action in heaven which is the only purpose of living on god’s earth. He equates unionism with communism and is spending millions in the hope that the few crooks will be enough to undo the good the vast majority accomplishes. He used the same tactic to allow a few ‘pink batts’ crooks to hide the success of hundreds of excellent companies and tradesmen and women in providing protection for hundreds of thousands of homes. An economic success that kept us out of the ravages of the GFC. Compare this practical economic measure with the current political diversion where $20000 seems to be available but it is a $6000 gift to those who earn enough to pay tax and have the $20000 to spend.
    Arguably, the real cause of the GFC was the banks and the real cause of the economic aftermath was those governments who guaranteed the banks. Australia avoided any disasters by NOT supporting the banks but making sure Australians who had money in the banks were protected. Considering the attitude of the coalition and our CLP, who thinks we would be in the same boat with the Irish, the Americans or the Japanese who have debt factor from 4 to 10 times worse, in Mrabbott’s terms ‘debt stress’ than that left by Labor(and this government, with the vote of the greens, has increased by billions in march alone they borrowed $4billion at 2.8% compare that to the pynenut’s 6% compound for students)
    When the last coalition government was caught lying about WoMD, children overboard and were sprung bribing Saddam Hussein they were removed. Mrabbott has decided the way to avoid such embarrassment is secrecy. But hiding behind words like ‘operational matters’ will be temporary and, provided the greens will mount an opposition, truth will eventually come out.
    If truth, domestically and internationally, does surface, this man will be mortified and shamed by his economic and social failings.
    Is bribing, those already paid by people smugglers, the beginnings of a truth about the morals of abbutt head of our government?
    part 2:
    What sort of man is in charge of the opposition? A total commitment etc

  4. Ruth L

    Too close to reality to be funny

  5. stephentardrew

    How much revulsion can one stand in a week?

    Somehow I think I am teetering on the edge.

    However along comes Rossleigh and the old mind finds some relief.

  6. Mark Needham

    Personally, I do not go to a fight with flowers.
    Vice Versa, Nor do I intend to have sex, whilst carrying a gun.
    Even if $A20,000.00 was spent, it is a lot cheaper than letting these people through.
    Besides, Indonesia, is a nice place to live, there are about 250 million who do so now.

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