In case you missed it, there was an announcement by the temporary, care-taker, acting prime minister today:
People of Australia, it gives me great pleasure to announce that after careful consideration and a couple of schooners and a takeaway Chinese with my good friend Clive Palmer, that we have agreed on what we are calling a marriage of compatible interests. Which means, to adopt a phrase coined by Barnaby Joyce, we are getting into bed together with Mr Palmer’s United Australia Party.
After detailed analysis of our respective policies, we find that the Liberal Party of Australia has much in common with Mr Palmer’s United Australia Party and that we have ideologies and philosophies that are in alignment and that allow us to swap preferences in the upcoming election.
Many of you will be asking does this mean that we are looking at a three-way coalition but that is very much jumping the gun as we don’t yet know if the National Party will still be a party after the election and, of course, we will need to take into account the wishes of my very good friend Pauline Hanson, with whom I will be sharing a Chardonnay and a Vindaloo later.
I hear you say, does this mean that Clive Palmer could become the deputy prime minister of Australia? Well, that’s not as outrageous as it at first appears as, you may recall, we actually had Barnaby Joyce as deputy prime minister at one stage. That, of course, didn’t work out as, whilst we are a broad-church in the Liberal party that doesn’t mean that we condone our coalition partner playing hide-the-sausage in the vestry. No indeed, we take a very dim view of that.
Now, any questions?
Reporter: So, prime minister what you seem to be saying is that, to hold onto power, you are prepared to enter into a coalition with just about anybody be it One Nation, Palmer United, the Nationals?
PM: That just about sums it up: you see, a vote for me and Clive and that bloke from the National party and Pauline means stable government and a vote for the Labor party means you get Bill Shorten (yuck !)
Reporter: You had previously said of Clive Palmer that he was a despicable toad who dudded his own employees, who had the worst record for parliamentary attendance of any member since federation and now he’s your best buddy?
PM: Is there a question there?
Reporter: Which are the policies and philosophies that you share with Mr Palmer?
PM: We both hate the Labor party and we both love power.
Reporter: Haven’t you sold out on everything that Bob Menzies stood for and the principles by which John Howard was guided in his years at the helm?
PM: Bob who? principles? John Howard ?- you’re making no sense, are you from the ABC?
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