Just in time for Christmas . . .
By Richard O’Brien
With Christmas just around the corner, Commonwealth Toys ® has announced a new range of action figurines – the Political Leaders series.
Poor sales figures earlier in the year lead to the manufacturer issuing a recall of the Tony Abbott action figurine – which most children found disappointing no matter what outfit it was dressed it in.
Its replacement, the Malcolm Turnbull figurine, has resulted in much better sales. The Turnbull model’s primary feature is a 300 watt torch located in its posterior. While tests by No Choice Magazine found there was a significant risk of the torch dazzling children and temporarily blinding them to everything else that was going on, they also indicated that this effect was likely to fade with time.
Despite costing 15% more than other figurines in the range, all Turnbull models with principles have sold out. Instead all purchases of the Turnbull model now come with a free Warren Truss figurine – which doesn’t really do anything but helps complete the set.
Redesigned after the manufacturer discovered it was a choking hazard, the Bill Shorten figurine has proved less popular with children this year, despite now being made up of parts that are almost impossible for most children to swallow. The new design also incorporates greater joint articulation, allowing the figurine to fold more easily – making it compatible with the offshore detention series of accessories. Spine sold separately.
Made from recycled plastic, the Richard Di Natale figurine comes mounted on its own moral high ground. Popular with younger children the figurine has had considerably more success competing with the Shorten model than the Turnbull model – despite offering little in the way of new features and accessories.
Sales of the Clive Palmer figurine have continued to decline steadily – despite coming with a range of accessories including a model of the Titanic, a dinosaur park and the now defunct Gold Coast United Football Club – it is expected to be discontinued sometime next year.
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Return to home pageThe Morrison doll has only been released domestically because the quality does not meet international standards.
And the Christopher Pyne model has been reissued as a pop up anywhere, any time Jack in the Box.
While the Matthius Gorman doll has a string activated voice shouting “girly man”, and a full set of terminator accessories.
The Cory Bernhadi doll sings a range of Christmas carols and has retractable wings and halo at no extra cost.
I can’t wait to see which non-action figure Santa leaves under my Christmas tree.
The Hunt figurine was not popular when dressed in brown. It now comes with a see-through green overblouse which doesn’t really fit.
I recall from my childhood that bad kids were given a lump of coal. Tony…..!
The Julie Bishop model wears a genuine Armani jacket, a large sparkly brooch, deep red nail polish and has a hot pink phone welded to its left hand. Accessories include a male companion doll which looks oddly like a Ken doll, a cocktail shaker, a guest pass to the UN General Assembly, a guide to using emojis and a teensy knife sharpener.
The Shorten doll comes with an optional Noddy car and stylish coffee cup, both of which implode on contact with a solid object : parents may find this messy for younger children.
I’m fairly sure they will all be recalled soon as they are obviously a choking hazard…..
……that is, if we are allowed any Australian Standards anymore.
Unfortunately the Peter Dutton doll was mistaken for Mr Potato Head.
Tish tish, Roswell. It turns out that Peter Dutton IS Mr Potato Head!
The Barnaby Joyce doll comes with it’s own ‘Gina’s Arm’ 😯 ……….. ( is it any wonder he’s so ‘red faced’.)
You ARE SCARING the CHILDREN !
And I also confused Amanda Vanstone for a Cabbage Patch doll. Until she spoke.
Are they interchangeable?
Yes. Tony’s head fits all.
The Cory Bernadi doll has been accessorised with a tea-party set, an white-ant farm, an Gerbil doll and a roll of duct tape. It also has the capability of putting both it’s feet in it’s mouth at the same time whilst doing the goose step. The limited edition set comes with a ‘Tony’ head, a copy of “White anting for Dummies” and a copy of ‘Mein Kampf’.