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Tits up Turnbull

Ever deft, the happiest Prime Minister continues to nimble his way through the minefields and wastelands of unimagined incompetencies, singular and collective, performed for an increasingly incredulous electorate, 24/7.

Always with a jolly hah hah hah at the ready, one vowel the only remaining distinguisher between him and his nemesis, failed Prime Minister Tony (heh heh heh) Abbott, who continues to loom from the back benches like an aggrieved shade deprived of proper burial rites, intent on tormenting the living until it is accorded what it considers its due. In this instance, a seat in Chuckles’ cabinet.

There may well have been a more ridiculous public figure than Malcolm Turnbull in our country’s history, but I just can’t think who at the moment. We’re spoiled for choice in the stupidity stakes, but what sets Malcolm apart from your Bernardis and your Christensens, your Duttons and your Morrisons et al, is that they are being themselves, however bizarre that self might seem, while their leader has abandoned all hope of ever being himself and is instead scrambling to imitate the very people he’s supposed to be leading because if he doesn’t they’ll kick him out.

It’s unseemly. The PM lacks all decorum. 

Just yesterday the sycophantic cockwomble ruled out any possibility of an emissions trading scheme, in the full knowledge that this decision will cost households and businesses some $15 billion over the next decade. He did this because harbinger of doom Senator Cory (bestiality will be next) Bernardi cawed like a coal-black crow that the proposed scheme was the dumbest thing he’d ever heard. Which prompted me to observe that the Senator has obviously never listened to himself if he thinks the dumbest thing he’s ever heard was articulated by somebody else.

Flailing around for distraction from yet another capitulation to the far right-wing loons, Turnbull took to attacking school teachers, some of whom will next week protest successive governments’ vile refugee policies by wearing t-shirts with relevant slogans in the classroom. In a leap that would test the credulity of even the most ill-informed, Chuckles went on to claim that such action might well exacerbate our disastrous global results in maths, science and reading, as revealed yesterday.

It is inappropriate for teachers to take political action, and they should behave with more decorum, he thundered, in yet another burst of confected outrage that puts just about every chronically outraged Twitterer to shame. Watch and learn, tweeps. Watch and learn.

It is the conservative way, to be far more outraged by the naming of crimes and criminals than by the crimes themselves. It isn’t inappropriate to torture refugees, it is highly inappropriate to protest about it. Teachers are guilty of politicising torture which is actually quite apolitical, you didn’t know that did you?

Wife Lucy winds Chuckles up with a key in his back every morning to get him going, then the loons give him his instructions for the day. He only has to remember to laugh as he goes slowly tits up, like a performing seal stranded on the side of the zoo pool.

Honk.

seal_performing_tricks

This article was originally published on No Place For Sheep.

 


31 comments

  1. bobrafto

    the heading ‘tits up turnbull’ at first glance made me wonder ‘whose tits and how?’

  2. Jaquix

    Bumbling onwards, to a certain spill I would think. But I notice that the Essential Poll has Julie Bishop way up there with over 50% approval rating. Up from the last time. Now we know that looking smashing in designer gear with a well maintained face and teeth, does not necessarily make you a good leader, but you know how these Liberals are about polls. She might satisfy all sides, and even give Tony the portfolio he wants. I dont like the woman one little bit but Im just throwing this out for everyone to mull over!

  3. Dyve

    Mal’s jolly chuckles are an attempt to screen his tears of pain as the tightness of his sphincter reaches intolerable levels.

  4. James O'Neill

    Wonderful stuff Jennifer. It would be even funnier were one not tempered by the thought that it is our country that is being screwed royally in the process.

  5. flohri1754

    Can you come up with a Trump related descriptor as good as “sycophantic cockwomble” ?? Thumbs up!

  6. jim

    The incentive to spend $45Billion on our poles and wireswas supercharged in 2006 by state governments: they wrote the rules for the regulator to enforce, thanks to a deal with former prime minister Johnny Howards LNP, who gave them rulemaking authority in exchange for their blessing to replace state-based regulators with one new federal body.

    As Australia becomes a leader in solar and battery power, our electricity bills continue to skyrocket thanks to a massive over-investment in the network that we didn’t ask for and will never need

    The media supported Turnbull coalition team at the 2016 DD federal election

    The LNP Lost 15 seats in the house of reps , lost 3 seats in the senate

    Over 3% swing against the LNP , in the primary and 2pp votes

    IMO, a seal is way smarter than talcum puff..

    The left side of Australian politics has implemented the following reforms or policies that have directly contributed to change for the better.

    A National Health Scheme, a National Disability scheme, Compulsory Superannuation, a National Broadband Network, Paid Parental leave, Major Educational Reforms, a price on carbon, Equal pay for women, The Aged Pension, Marbo and the Apology, and of course the Hawke – Keating major economic reforms that have given the country 24 years of continuous growth

  7. helvityni

    Oh, Jaquix, oh no, maybe she would make a good assistant Editor for Vogue, nothing more taxing; if Mal is our very own hollow man, then Julie is his female counter part…

  8. David1

    Bishop without her designer makeup(if such lotions are made) other wise black sticks and red rouge must be the order of the day to make her appear like a challenger for the role of the wicked witch of the North in Christmas pantomime somewhere in the world. Just where is anyones guess as her tax payer funded world jaunts take her to the movie and stage capitals of the planet.
    Bishop as PM? I seriously doubt her men friends in the caucus would allow it.

  9. Kim Southwood

    Basking in your lyricism. Hahaha, as Jaquix moots we’ve still got the Bishop left – once rid of Abbott and his Papal ….Bull.

  10. longwhitekid

    Corgi ‘Bestiality’ St Bernardi thinks something that doesn’t come out of his OWN mouth is the most stupid thing he’s ever heard? It leaves you speechless.

  11. babyjewels10

    Not often I can laugh about our woeful situation but today I did. Thank you Jennifer.

  12. Garth

    I always love Mal’s response to questions he’d rather not answer… ‘I’m not going to be a commentator on ongoing issues, I’ll leave that to you (ie the media)’.
    If the (supposed) Prime Minister is not qualified to comment on ongoing political issues, or national issues of importance, what the hell friggin use is he?? (rhetorical question)

  13. roma guerin

    Thank you Jennifer, nicely put. I am so over screaming in my empty house, it is refreshing to smile instead.

  14. Garth

    @roma.. I’m with you. I think the cat is getting a bit pissed off with my screaming at no-one. She sits up and gives me that ‘really??’ look that cats do so well.

  15. Max Gross

    How much worse can these treasonous fanatics and belligerent wingnuts make it? I guess we’ll find out. Unless we get another eary election. I wish!

  16. Garth

    @max…. This year’s election was eary 🙂 I thought I was back in 2013. Perhaps an election sooner than planned might help us out 😀 (don’t take offence at my stupid sense of humour)

  17. David1

    The air around here is much fresher after your T,U,T, post Jennifer, tks.

  18. lawrencewinder

    What a lovely piece… you’re correct.. they, the ruling rabble are the most “bizarre” collection of banality ever to foul a parliament. But please be kinder to Beastiality Bernardi …. once he realises he’s still in the closet he’ll start to grow up and go away and hide.

  19. Jennifer Meyer-Smith

    Thanks for putting a smile on my face also, Jennifer Wilson.

    Turnbull is growing scrawnier and scrawnier every day, so his tits would not be of much interest to observe I assume, even to Lucy.

    That’s what happens when one loses one’s credibility and knows they have.

  20. Michael Taylor

    Just brilliant, Jennifer. Up there with your best.

  21. Freethinker

    Excellent article and at the same time make us thinking how this man can be more popular than Bill.
    Bugger, here I go again, I am going to have something strong now and without ice.

  22. Kronomex

    The sycophantic cockwomble (great description by the way) is not game enough to answer any serious questions for the fear of upsetting the rabid right fringe that has control of the choke collar around his nuts. If the puppet is still in “charge” by the end of next year I’ll be greatly surprised.

  23. wam

    A bit unfair on the loons, jennifer, they are only trying to join the major league despite only getting the usual 10% support at the polls.
    I think the boys blamed their girls, although the women (lambe and hanson).took control.
    Funny that the hanson team is not keen on women either?

  24. Stephen

    I like to visualize Malcolm as he gets up in the morning gets ready to go out reaches the office and patiently sits waiting for the call from Cory and George to tell him what his thoughts and opinions are for that day. A bit like the loyal dog waiting at the door for the owner to return .

  25. Annie B

    Cleverly written Jennifer – fun, but also very close to the bone. .. A lot covered there.

    Kronomex – …. your comment presumes the oh so great Turncoat actually has got nuts !!

    I doubt it – frankly.

    Enough already – – –

  26. stephengb2014

    turnbull – Reminds me of a scene in a cartoon of the little dog prancing around the bull dog saying – can I play with you huh huh can I huh huh?

    I have never in all my life seen such a cowardly person as turnbull (the use of Lower case name is deliberate).

    I am totally disgusted.

  27. Kyran

    “It is inappropriate for teachers to take political action, and they should behave with more decorum,”
    Goodness, this poor fool wishes to vilify an occupation by assuming their protest is political.
    Isn’t the constant cry against one of the most honourable of professions, from the likes of him, that they should not only be teachers, but surrogate health professionals, police, parents, moral custodians?
    Surely, this is not a protest, but an example of an honourable profession demonstrating its honour? Its very raison d’etre.
    It’s easy to forget the assaults on decency of the past three and a bit years. There have been so many transgressions, it’s easy to lose track.
    Another honourable profession is defined by the Hippocratic Oath. When those honourable people at the Lady Cilento Children’s Hospital decided that it was incumbent on their oath that children could not be returned to harm, wasn’t it ‘his’ side that vilified them?
    In the news today is another example of an honourable profession under assault. A woman is likely to be charged.
    “It is the first test of tough new legislation that makes it an offence to disrespect a court in the state.”
    Does it not seem odd that politician’s, lawyers for the most part, now wish to enshrine respect for the judiciary, when they are the beneficiaries of the disrespect they shower upon the judiciary? Think about mandatory sentencing, just for a start. Now think about the number of times a ‘politician’ has usurped a decision, without ever studying the trial notes, for their political expediency.
    Brilliant article, Ms Wilson. There was an old quote from Keating.
    “He’s like a shiver, looking for a spine to run up.”
    As best as I can tell, he was talking about little johnnie. Same same, but different.
    Jaquix, at 2.58, mentions the like of Bishop as a contender. It seems odd to note that politicians popularity improves when they stay out of the news. The last time she had a position of power in the Australian context, was when she was the Shadow Treasurer. She didn’t last long. FFS, Hockey got her job! It went from bad, to worse. Now we have scummo. She will be a contender as long as she stays out of domestic politics and is only seen at the races, the footy, the UN (with her handbag). As soon as she starts talking, it’s a bit like hanson and their ilk. As soon as they get something more than a sound grab, people start looking for substance.
    Ah well, time for a few more Keating’s;
    “On John Howard “The little desiccated coconut is under pressure and he is attacking anything he can get his hands on”
    On John Howard “What we have got is a dead carcass, swinging in the breeze, but nobody will cut it down to replace him.”
    On Peter Costello: “The thing about poor old Costello is he is all tip and no iceberg.”
    On John Hewson: “(His performance) is like being flogged with a warm lettuce.”
    On Andrew Peacock: “We’re not interested in the views of painted, perfumed gigolos.”
    On Andrew Peacock: “Can a soufflé rise twice?”
    Same same, but different. So why do we keep referring to them as right honourable or honourable. Beggars belief.
    Thank you, Ms Wilson and commenters. Take care

  28. paulwalter

    The teachers are trying to defend educational standards and are thus morally obliged to strike in the interest of their young charges when the system will not head the warnings concerning badly thought out policy.

    The man is a Dickensian imbecile and quick scan at todays Grainuad on his other idiocies, this time at the premiers conference, confirms it.

  29. Jennifer Wilson

    Thank you very much everyone, so glad to have brought some amusement to this grim situation.

  30. Michael Taylor

    Jennifer, you’re an undiscovered wit.

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