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Merry Christmas Because You’re Not Allowed To Say “Bah Humbug!”

“Merry Christmas. Can I get you a drink?”
“God that makes me angry!”
“Me getting you a drink?”
“No, the fact that we’re not allowed to say ‘Merry Christmas’ any more!”
“But I just said it.”
“Yeah, but all these people trying to stop you… It’s political correctness gone mad.”
“Actually I’ve been saying it to people for a couple of weeks now and nobody’s complained at all.”
“Well, you’re lucky.”
“Why, have people been trying to stop you?”
“No, but I heard Dutton talking about this school where they’re not to sing Christmas carols because it might offend someone. And that person central to meaning of Christmas wasn’t allowed to be mentioned!”
“Jesus?”
“No, Santa!”
“So where was this?”
“I don’t know but it’s outrageous and you know who’s trying to stop us celebrating Christmas?”
“The Jehovah’s Witnesses?”
“What?”
“They don’t think that we should celebrate Christmas.”
“No, it’s those Muslims. They’re trying to impose their religion on us all and impose Sharia law.”
“What’s Sharia law?”
“I don’t know but it means that we’d all have to do whatever they wanted so I’m with Dutton and I think we should all insist that everybody celebrates Christmas just to show those people who’s in charge!”
“Who is in charge?”
“Well, nobody’s in charge any more and that’s the whole problem. Back in the good old days, when people broke the law the police would take them out the back and assault them so that they’d have respect for the law.”
“But weren’t the police assaulting them breaking the law.”
“Yes, but they were breaking the law in a good way, and in those days people respected authority. These days, if someone dies in police custody people want an enquiry. People are too soft. That’s why you’ve got all those people on generous welfare payments when there are plenty of jobs going.”
“Really? I thought that the unemployment rate just went up.”
“That’s because nobody’s prepared to work for under-award wages like those foreign students. Nah, they’d rather be on the dole living the life of Reilly!”
“Who’s Reilly? And isn’t it spelt ‘Riley’?”
“I don’t know but he apparently has a good life according to the story in the paper last week and that’s the way the Herald-Sun spelt it, so if it’s in the paper, it must be correct!”
“So if the unemployed are living the life of Reilly, whose life is Reilly living?”
“I don’t know. It wasn’t really all that clear. But I think that if they refuse to work they should lose their welfare payments.”
“Don’t they? I thought the government had toughened up the requirements for getting welfare.You’d think after three years that the current government would have done something about people being job snobs and instituted something like a work-for-the dole scheme!”
“I think they tried to but apparently all the unemployed are now on disability pensions. Tony Abbott was saying just the other day that it’s far too easy to get put onto a disability pension. He was saying that people with a bit of depression or a bad back were all able to get one and that it was ridiculous because things like that aren’t permanent.”
“Awesome!”
“What? You’re pleased that people are ripping off the system like that?”
“No, I’ve got a mate who broke three of his vertabrae and he’s been in chronic pain for the last ten years but it’s really great that I’ll be able to tell him that it’s not permanent and that he’ll be off the painkillers any day…”
“So when are you going to get me that drink?”
“Right now… Sorry, I just realised that I had don’t have any cash on me.”
“Well, haven’t you got a credit card?”
“Yeah, but I thought you said that people shouldn’t put things on the credit card.”
“Oh, that was last week. Apparently this week, the Treasurer confirmed that there was good debt and bad debt.”
“Right. So how do you know the difference?”
“It’s pretty simple. If you want to borrow money to buy yourself a drink, that’s bad debt. But when it’s for something that I want, it’s good debt.”
“Ah, is this related to the trickle-down effect that you were talking about last week? How did that work again?”
“It’s simple. If you have money and you spend it on me, that leaves me with more money and when I spend it, that helps the economy and when the economy is helped you eventually get the benefit.”
“Right, so when do I get the benefit?”
“Eventually.”
“Good, because I was begin to think that it was never.”
“Why on earth would you think that?”
“Because I’ve been the one buying the drinks since the 1980s and I’m yet to see the benefits because you never actually spend any of your own money.”
“Well, I actually own the pub so if I were to spend my own money here then that wouldn’t improve my bottom line and I may have to let people go.”
“But..”
“Look, just say ‘Merry Christmas’ and get me a drink and I’ll explain the rest to you after the next election… Or the next PM whichever comes sooner.”

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23 comments

  1. crypt0

    So now dutton is on about Christmas carols
    He said we “want to hear Christmas carols” as we are “a Christian society”.
    Back in May he informed us that “refugees are uneducated, unemployable and at the same time “taking Australian jobs”.
    How “uneducated, unemployable” refugees would be deemed suitable to replace (hard working !!) Australians in those jobs was never explained.
    dutton is appealing to the lowest common denominator of Australian society – prejudice and bigotry.
    So is this what represents the state of Australian “Christian society”. these days?
    I am waiting to hear others who speak for this “Christian society”. to either call dutton out, or agree with him that this is what christianity stands for these days in Australia.
    Perhaps cardinal pell might care to voice an opinion?

  2. Annie B

    Lotsa vinegar in that one … but the message is clear 🙂

    p.s. … I think the “we-must-not-mention-the-word-Christmas” has been overdone – especially on social media, and by conspiracy theorists. Because ….

    It hasn’t disappeared from my neck of the woods, or anyone elses’ neck of the woods in good ole Oz – – – yet. … But then, I guess anything is possible, these days – especially if Mutton has anything to say about it – and after all he does have the Turncoats’ ear – well and truly – ( and most likely other parts of Turn’s anatomy ).

    ,,,,,,,,,,,,,

    Anyway – to you Rossleigh – A Merry Yuletide / Xmas / 25th December / Noel / Jesus birthday ( which it isn’t apparently, according to anthropoligists, biblical scholars, astronomers and assorted others – it’s actually somewhere between end of January and March !! ) … and whatever you wish to call the ‘festive season’ … Have a Merry ~~~ and – ‘ave a drink on me, mate. Make it top shelf and I’ll send you a cheque for it ( or is that check ) ?? 🙂 😉

  3. Keitha Granville

    The very merriest of Christmases to everyone at AIMN, the only place for sane commentary on the state of our nation.
    Actually it would be a whole lot easier if we said Merry Xmas – there’s no Christ in that, just as there isn’t for most of the population. Any idea what percentage go to church on Dec 25th these days ?
    The xmas we celebrate is pagan, festival for the sun.
    Christ’s birthday was in September sometime so we’ve missed that.

  4. Michael Taylor

    Same to you too, Keitha. Your support throughout the year has been truly appreciated.

    We will be open over Christmas. Do drop in.

  5. wam

    At the usual friday morning coffee had to keep saying there is no attack on merry xmas it is just crap to my bush friend no carols at schools is unbelievable drivel.
    We finished agreeing that muslin men with multiple wives are cheaper than one couple and 3 single mothers.

    My lovely dad was always depressed april 25 and dec 25 and I don’t give a rat’s arse for either of those days but I always give a poppy to the rat’s memory and love the exhuberence and light in the eyes of kids on the am of the 25th when they see what santa has brought them.
    The rabbott quote was great how dare people get disabled with a sore back shit I work through the aches and pains of surfing they are just scamming I have seen the videos of them picking up parcels left at the door.
    ps can’t wait till trumps new labour boy, andy puzder, gets his teeth into labour.
    He will have all those hopefuls who voted, because trump was for giving them jobs, bidding for their pay if they offer less than the chinese the job will be theirs and there will be food stamps to go with it.
    .
    If you are working then have plenty of penalty rates. If not have happy holidays.

    If you are christian or religious then ask yourself Why?

    If you are too frightened to ask, then merry christmas.

  6. Annie B

    Keitha G …

    I will add September to my notes, re the ongoing debate as to when Jesus was born. There is no reference to it in the bible at all of course – specifically. Add to that the year ? … there is much debate about that too – so A.D. might be a few years out ?? And then there’s the Jewish calendar …….. !!

    I dunno – no-one does for sure.

    Meantime have a Happy “Winter Solstice” ( if you live in the Northern Hemisphere – which you probably don’t – so Summer Solstice will do ), and a great turn of the year to 2017.

  7. Annie B

    ……. and wishing Michael, Carol and the team, and commenters here at AIMN … a very happy Christmas and a bright, peaceful, and prosperous New Year 2017.

  8. bobrafto

    What happened to Good Will this xmas? he seems to have escaped the LNP Christians.

  9. Peter F

    “What happened to Good Will this xmas?” I think it’s chasing Jobson.

  10. Kaye Lee

    Annie B,

    “There is no reference to it in the bible ”

    There are a couple of things that give a clue….

    Luke tells us that the shepherds were keeping their sheep in the fields at night when Jesus was born. “And she [Mary] brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. Now there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night” (Luke 2:7-8)

    “The climate of Palestine is not so severe as the climate of this country [England]; but even there, though the heat of the day be considerable, the cold of the night, from December to February, is very piercing, and it was not the custom for the shepherds of Judea to watch their flocks in the open fields later than about the end of October” (Alexander Hislop, The Two Babylons, 1959, p. 91).

    Luke also tells us that Jesus was born at the time of a census ordered by the Roman emperor (Luke 2:1-3). The Romans were brilliant administrators; they were unlikely to have ordered people to journey to be registered at a time of year when roads would have been wet and muddy and travelling conditions miserable.

  11. Michael Taylor

    Same back at you, Annie. Your support throughout the year has been fabulous and you are highly respected by everybody here.

  12. helvityni

    “Well, nobody’s in charge any more and that’s the whole problem. Back in the good old days, when people broke the law the police would take them out the back and assault them so that they’d have respect for the law.”

    “But weren’t the police assaulting them breaking the law.”

    “Yes, but they were breaking the law in a good way, and in those days people respected authority. These days, if someone dies in police custody people want an enquiry…..”

    That’s heavenly, I’m laughing so loud my dog interrupts his morning nap and comes me wanting to know: What’s wrong with you, you usually look enraged when you read about Oz politics….?

  13. Deanna Jones

    Love it! Merry Xmas to everyone here.

  14. townsvilleblog

    Blood oath, Merry Christmas all Australians…

  15. guest

    Keitha

    How do we say “Merry Xmas” with no Christ in it? The “X” is part of the Greek word “Xristos” = Christ.

  16. Alan Baird

    Bah humbug. Not even an exclamation mark. We’ve got to get over this stuff. I want a Politically Correct Xmas, without a word of christian entities. If I feel really irritating, I’ll look up some Muslim festival that’s within a bull’s roar of the 25th December and publicise that on 2GB and in the Tele, just to watch the roars of outrage from the Angry Christians. Couldn’t give a rat’s about a ANY religious festivities but it’s worth it, just to comprehensively annoy Angry Christians. Just like offering a Muslim a ham sandwich, NOT celebrating Xmas if you’re white generates unreasonable rage. It’s enough to give Cory or Eric or Tony a conniption fit. Especially if you’re some inclusive goody-two-shoes offering lerve to other religions. That drives them INSANE! If you’ve got form on Climate Change and ANY form of environmental sustainability, STAND BACK! Bug eyed with red rims and reaching for a firearm.

  17. Noel

    Last year I got a WASO subscribers’ thank you letter from the ABC. It said “Wishing you a Merry …”
    That’s right, the ABC wished me a Merry three dots. Apparently dear old Aunty cannot get herself to say “Christmas” anymore. Sad really. Anyhow I went out and had myself a merry little Christmas anyhow. I do not know what happened to those who went out and had a merry three dots.

  18. Möbius Ecko

    Luke also tells us that Jesus was born at the time of a census ordered by the Roman emperor (Luke 2:1-3). The Romans were brilliant administrators; they were unlikely to have ordered people to journey to be registered at a time of year when roads would have been wet and muddy and travelling conditions miserable.

    I also once read that Bethlehem wasn’t the closest polling station. I can’t remember if that biblical history piece stated if there were one or two much closer. The Romans didn’t require citizens to travel great distances to attend a census.

  19. Annie B

    Kaye … Thank you for your comment and the info.

    Actually, it was those two points ( the season, and the census ) … that got me interested in the first place when first researching the actual date of Jesus’ birth. Several people, on those two scores, came to the conclusion that he must have been born later – more early Spring ? ( late Feb / March ) in the Northern Hemisphere, Middle East. However, it might well have been earlier ( September ) as Keitha G pointed out.

    Thing is – we will never truly know. True, there are hints in the Bible, but nothing specific. Probably can’t be as it was the Hebrew calendar that was used then ( and still is today by Jewish people ) … it is the year 5777 at this moment.

    One day some brilliant mathematician / astronomer / genius extraordinare will sort the whole thing out. Meantime – we fiddle with dates, and celebrate the summer solstice with lotsa gifts and heaps of food. If nothing else, it can give even if for a day, a great sense of camaraderie and good behaviour ( hopefully ).

    Maybe one day of peace and goodwill is good stuff, after all ?

  20. Annie B

    Michael –

    Thank you .. your kind words are very much appreciated. 🙂

  21. win jeavons

    Which parts of the Beatitudes are exemplified by these politicians ? Are the meek or humble? Do they give to others MORE than is asked for ? ( Yes , the coalminers, but not the unemployed, or disabled) . Do they “go the second mile-er- kilometre? Do they seek after righteousness? Are they Christians ? God knows, but I DOUBT .

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