“Hi, can I have the joint credit card?”
“Why?”
“I want to book a flight.”
“Where to?”
“Noosa.”
“Why?”
“Well, I remember that waiter there who was so nice when I lost my wallet. I want to go back and thank him.”
“Didn’t I thank him at the time?”
“Yes, but I think I should too.”
“Couldn’t you just send him a card?”
“No, it’s best done in person.”
“But aren’t we trying to save money?”
“Yes, but this is one of those things that will make me more popular with the Australian people and you can’t put a price on that.”
“What about our budget emergency?”
“That was just something I said when you wanted to spend money. This is something that I want to spend money on, so it’s completely different!”
“Ok, I see what you’re trying to do here. You’re trying draw a link between the Prime Miniature’s visit to the Netherlands and your visit to Noosa, but I think you’ll just end up sounding like a complete prat!”
“This has nothing to do with Tiny Abbott. I accept that he’s going over to the Netherlands to thank the Dutch and that’s got nothing to do with trying to extend the one story that’s boosted his standing in the polls.”
“Don’t write that.”
“Why not? Is it because I shouldn’t politicise tragedy?”
“No. Politicising tragedy is fine in certain circumstances. Like when people die installing insulation because Labor funded it. You can criticise them for a lack of oversight and completely ignore this runs contrary to your determination to end red tape. No, you shouldn’t write that because it’s not true!”
“You don’t think he’s going there for poll driven reasons?”
“No, I don’t think it’s true that it’s boosted his standing in the polls.”
“Oh.”
“And I never said any of this. So why are you pretending that you had this conversation?”
“It’s like when politicians claim that they’ve consulted – it’s called fiction!”
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