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So long, and thanks for all the pish

Here’s your hat. What’s your hurry?

And so we bid farewell to inarguably Australia’s worst ever Prime Minister.

A shameless liar, a humbug, a serial failure, a belligerent bully, a duplicitous toad oozing smarm from every pore. A pig who appealed to worst instincts, who saw opportunity in the dogma of a prosperity cult to justify the exploitation of the vulnerable and indulgence of the wealthy. He treated natural disasters as photo opportunities, he was an indolent incompetent who bungled problems and fled crises. A bellicose grifter masquerading as Scotty from next door, a facile galoot mugging for the cameras to fill the void of actual effort, a Tupperware area manager playing dress-ups as Dear Leader. He was contemptuous of all expertise or insight that challenged the small notions of his own repressed experience and his selective, biblical literalism. Simply, he was a vacuous, smirking clown who thought he was getting away with it.

This genius political tactician, the master campaigner took to market a sales pitch of licenced corruption, of “more CO² is less” and the feeding of anti-trans tropes to a usually reliable constituency of hateful religious bigots. As a desperate off-set to The Oaf’s blunderfucks the Tory machine resorted to re-animating the spectral John Howard to haunt the streets making noises like a trod-upon duck in once-safe blue-ribbon enclaves whose posh inhabitants fled for the exits.

Scooter left the office as he came to it – with self-serving duplicity and bastardry. Our affected Jesus Freak In Chief, a Christian of convenience, specialises in the demonisation of the desperate for personal benefit. His final wretched act as Prime Minister was to instruct the Australian Border Force to over-ride his own protocols and publicise an interception of a suspected asylum seeker boat on election day.

“I’ve been here to stop this boat, but in order for me to be there to stop those that may come from here, you need to vote Liberal and Nationals today.”

The last, frantic flailings of a fraud. No eagle painting this time but chickens coming home to roost – in an unused Bunnings flat-pack chook pen.

To stretch the metaphorical ironies – this useless shonk has burned down the House Of Liberal and charred the paint on the National Party outhouse as a bonus. If you listen carefully you can hear the ‘fwit fwit fwit’ of his chubby thighs as he flees the scene smelling of petrol and hubris, a sound not quite drowned out by the tantrums of entitled Tory born-to-rulers.

Perhaps, in a few years after a little of his damage is repaired, some may recall his name as they drop into Engadine Maccers and see, there in the corner, the Scott Morrison memorial stool.


(The entitled are not known for a capacity for introspection and self-analysis.)


Looking for Mr Right

From Howard to Abbott to Morrison the Tories continue to search for the bottom of the barrel and their scrapings have revealed what many dreaded. Herr Schickltuber. This is a man who clenches his butt cheeks to force a smile, who thinks “ex-Queensland copper” is a positive on his résumé and “lefty” is a pejorative and whose aesthetic runs to menace and black uniforms, side-arms and dark-sunnied goon squads. A hairless Lurch sans the joie de vivre.

Ersatzgruppenfritter Dutton, unlike his predecessor, possess some modicum of self-awareness but his human skin-suit is a work in progress. The warmongering of a belligerent hawk is to be toned down, a cuddlier, softer, kinder style of refugee abuser is to emerge – handing out a free kitten with every poking stick.

“I’ve always seen Parliament as a disadvantage frankly for sitting governments.” (Peter Dutton, 10 December 2018).

Let the re-imaging begin. FMD!

Meanwhile the rubes of the Nats contemplate a future continuing with a befuddled oik at the pointy end, hands clasped over his beer belly at pressers, puce of face, snaggled of tooth reciting the names of country towns he’s been pissed in like some bizarre rendition of I’ve Been Everywhere.

* * * * * * *

Regardless, Labor, the Greens and progressive independents have routed the bastards. It’s a bright new day and I will now retire my ScoMo sledges and direct my energies to developing a portfolio of potato-themed invective.




This article was originally published on Grumpy Geezer.


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  1. Harry Lime

    Seconded,thirded and fourthed,the Liar is going to be a hard act to follow,but there’s an open horizon for the new, improved Spudnick to plumb new depths.With the propaganda machine of the garbage media rearranging their lies to promote an odious bullet headed ghoul as an antidote to the overwhelming rejection of chum bucket Morrison and his failed ego,I fully expect our own Count Dracula to revert to type in short order.

  2. Phil Pryor

    The bowel brained bullshitting bastards under the former P M, a pustular Misfit, are still trying the old lies, the old filth. Morrison’s Maggots e g, Taylor the political pervert, S. Robber, the freak of fantasy, fiction and fraud, Joyce the perennial erectional drunk, and a huge cast of keen crooked crabs, cranks, crawlers, cronies, crass crew and crapulent corpsey cruds, is yelling in frustration at the deprivation now of bloodsucking life and donor deprivation, with NO PUBLIC TEAT. Where is the organised dishonesty headed now?? Corporate connived controls, profiteering, supremacist social organisation is BUGGERED. Tax bloodsucking seems doomed. The obnoxious offal brained oafs are obsolescent, OFF, OUT! Go and attend to your education, rehabiliation, reform, …retraining as citizens with honest duties to perform, a life like all others to live. Think about other things and not your ego, bank accounts, fists and palms…filthy dreams of the great rigged rails run…and now Peter Duckwit-Futton dreams of cashing in, moving up, organising an enhanced career. What a heap of garbage is this pumped up police perverted ponce. When has a heap of horrible trash become a dream of a new Himalayas??

  3. andy56

    how long before his wife trully understands his real persona?

  4. Matthew Synnott

    Well said Grumpy Geezer, as Dirty Harry said long ago, “make my day”, that surely happened one week ago tomorrow. When the worst Australian Government headed by the worst Prime Minister, it has been this country’s and its people misfortune to suffer. I can’t tell you just how much that made my day.

    Re Potato head and his anticipated ascension to the position of head drop kick of the Liarbral party, I welcome it bring it on baby, my reasoning is that the only better candidates would be Vlad Putin and Kim Jong-Un and they are otherwise engaged, so it has to be third choice Potato head, so be it. My reasoning goes as follows: the ex pm, (sounds wonderful don’t it?) was so far right and it didn’t work too well for him and party, now in some logic that escapes me, they go with another clone? I live in hope that this will ensure the diminished opposition will get to experience the whiff of leather of the opposition benches for at least the next decade and preferably two decades. I so believe that selecting Potato head to be the new leader, is something of which Labor dreams are made, in fact I would suggest Labor bestow life long honorary membership on him for services to the Labor cause.

    I won`t tell the Liarbral party they would be making a big mistake, never interrupt the enemy when they are making a mistake.

    I am soo looking forward to watching this dishonest mob self destruct. Isn`t schadenfreude a wonderful thing?

  5. New England Cocky

    Uhm GG ….. Could I ask you to consider referring to Spuddo aka Benito Duddo aka any other suitably demeaning title from the past, and in keeping with his new status as Leader of the Opposition to the Albanese LABOR government, as ”Voldemort”.

    Now I recognise that this may cause considerable unhappiness among Harry Potter readers, but the striking similarity between the two is enough to make the real Voldemort seek facial reconstruction.

  6. Kaye Lee

    If Dutton and Joyce team up, we are going to have to endure three more years of negative abusive contrived conflict. I’m not sure the country can endure more of that.

    My suggestion – abolish question time. They can submit written questions which will receive written responses if they actually have a genuine question which could be published on a website. They have shown themselves incapable of civilised debate or discussion. It is purely theatre competing for media attention. Punch and Judy…which disturbed me as a child and disgusts me from the people who make laws that control our lives.

  7. Bert

    GG, has your like my blood pressure dropped over the last week? I can glimpse the tv news now without throwing something at the tele and listen to the radio without turning into a foaming at the mouth lunatic.

  8. John Hanna

    I love Ersatzgruppenfritter, that is a ripper.

  9. John Hanna

    Oh, and Jane Hume the minister for undermining industry based superfunds and the banking royal commission in favour of the banks. She should have gone along with Frydenberg, another ex banker who assisted the undermining.

  10. Canguro

    I get the feeling that if Jane Hume had been a squatter’s wife, she’d be right there at the frontline, cheering on the hunting parties as they set off on horse, armed to the gills with rifles & pistols, ready for a bit of score-settling and demonstrating just whose in charge now.

    These Liberal born-to-rule types, presuming to speak for the country, are yet to get it, the gist of which is they’re anachronistic, yesterday’s folk, neanderthals, bespoke curiosities along with horse & cart and penny-farthings.

  11. leefe

    ” … Tupperware area manager … ”

    I doubt he is capable of so elevated a level of competence.

  12. Pete Petrass

    “The warmongering of a belligerent hawk is to be toned down, a cuddlier, softer, kinder style of refugee abuser is to emerge – handing out a free kitten with every poking stick.”
    It would seem the spud is as big a liar as that from the shire. There he was this morning running his usual scare campaign about flotillas of boats arriving after Labor announced the Biloela family were finally being allowed to go home. Nope, nothing has changed.

  13. marty

    Yep, nail…..head…….hit, brilliant

  14. New England Cocky

    @ John Hanna: Agreed. Possibly amore dangerous politician that the rest of the COALition misogynists because she appears to be able to think & scheme. Must keep her away from any leadership ambitions that could impede the Albanese LABOR government.

    @ Canguro: Delightful appreciation of the born-to -rule class …. it reminded me of the 1999 NSW elections when the Nazional$ Party ladies of Northern Tablelands donned their Sloane Ranger outfits to go to town for a bit of shopkeeper pre-election bullying.

    The delegation swarmed into Joe’s of Guyra and gave all barrels to Mrs Joe. When Joe returned on the trucks she related her experience. Joe was not happy; threatening to withdraw their custom from his retail general store was an unfortunate strategic choice.

    ”I’ll show them whose boss when they intimidate my wife”, he said.

    ”First thing tomorrow advise all of the culprits by mail that their accounts are closing immediately and that we demand payment of the total outstanding balance with in 21 days or legal proceedings will follow for recovery”.

    The letters were sent, the monies were paid and the Nazional$ Ladies Intimidation Squad was quietly disbanded.

    Joe supported Richard Torbay (Independent) who defeated sitting Nazional$ former Minister Ray ”Spew” Chappell and went on to become Speaker of the House at the request of LABOR Premier Morris Iemma. During his incumbency Northern Tablelands was dragged into the 21st century screaming in protest until Torbay retired due to ICAC interest in the Obeid matters in 2013.

    ”Spew” because he was always going to bring it up in the House ….. rather than get anything positive done.

  15. Henry Rodrigues

    As for Scummo, even now, he declares that he will not resign from the parliament or indeed politics, even though his prospects of achieving any useful position in any future coalition government or even the dishwashers or toilet cleaner’s job in the coalition opposition’s party room, are very slim.
    Yet he stay’s on. Why ? Being a bonafide member of the grifter’s church of stealthy affluence, he is loathe to give up his backbencher’s salary and the subsequent pension.
    He’s already missing those $550,000 smackeroos, but $170,000 is better than having to go get a real job.

    What a wanker !!!!

  16. Kathryn

    Once again, GG, you have described that vile piece of inhumanity, Morrison, to a Tee! However, despite the fact that the majority of enlightened Australians have decided to kick that nauseating bible-thumping hypocrite and totally corrupt pathological liar, Morrison, to the gutter from where he and his horrific cabinet of sociopaths, misogynists and totally depraved self-serving miscreants crawled from, the LNP have taken irrational lunacy, contempt and arrogance that one step further and allowed the devil’s disciple, Dutton, to become their next leader! It is beyond belief HOW disconnected the current malevolent LNP is to the wishes and needs of ordinary Australians!

    Peter Dutton is a frothing-at-the-mouth, sadistic political psychopath who is probably the ONLY parasite in the LNP who can be described as even worse than Morrison (with exception, of course, Tony Abbott a swaggering, incoherent misogynistic fool every bit as internationally condemned as Howard and Morrison)! The point is that Australians must remain vigilant because if we become complacent, the vile fascists in the LNP/Murdoch/IPA Alliance will ensure that the unspeakably depraved, sadistic and totally corrupt Dutton will rise like a demon from hell, to become a PM who will make the miserable mean-spirited Morrison look like Santa Claus by comparison! Australians must NEVER EVER hand over the reigns of fascist power to that cruel autocratic sociopath, Dutton, because if HE becomes PM, God help us all!

    Keep the anti -LNP rhetoric coming, GG – you’re a hero to our cause!

  17. andy56

    look i like a good result too, but lets not get carried away. The only reason the libs went out of their way to be arseholes is because we voted for Abbott over Rudd. We the voters were the enablers. We voted for lies and stupid differentiated policies. Fraudband is the classic Abbott necktie of all. We are to blame. We had 3 elections to get rid of them and we didnt. It was only when the stink got too much. My problem is how much damage its caused to the australia I used to know. Globalisation is a great compressor of prices, that includes wages. So why the hell did we destroy our buying power by allowing rampant inflation with housing , now power and by default transport fuels? Nobody ever asks that question.
    Looking for a scape goat is all fine, but by “putting the libs down” we evade the hard question. Rewarding bad behaviour only encourages even more. We are the real culprits. I do hate with a passion what the libs have done , dont get me wrong.

  18. Kathryn

    andy56, I am very proud to say that I have NEVER EVER been foolish enough, self-serving enough, short-sighted enough to vote for the despicably corrupt, malevolently callous alpha male misogynists and hard-core racists in the LNP and never will! Most of my friends have never voted for them either and even the so-called “moderate” liberals despised Morrison with a passion. Yes, it is a tragic truth that so many stupid conservative people believed all the lies they inhaled from the Murdoch press and helped the worst regime in our history free reign over our nation, but to say that all Australians voted for them is not true.

    Tragically there no longer appears to be such a thing as a MODERATE Liberal because Howard and Abbott succeeded in their quest to steer the LNP to the distant insane and lunatic edges of far-right-extremism and, as such, the grotesque extremists in the Abbott/Morrison/Dutton version of the LNP attracts the most hateful, misogynistic, homophobic, callously inhumane type of bible-thumping hypocrite in the country! The fact that the LNP have now stooped to a new low by nominating that callously inhumane sadistic psychopath, Dutton, as leader and the appalling, totally corrupt Suss Ley as deputy proves that the LNP are hard pressed to find ANYONE in their ranks that has a single redeeming feature. Instead, they have reached down into the deep bowels of depravity in order to resurrect and elevate the worst, cruellest and most disgraceful elitists that they can find to mislead, deceive and, with the help of their despicable Propaganda Minister, Murdoch, character-assassinate Labor, the Greens and anyone else who stands in their way, in order to, once again, lie their way into leadership!

    It is absolutely IMPERATIVE that any Australian with one iota of compassion, integrity, credibility, foresight and an IQ >10, NEVER EVER votes for the unspeakably depraved, lying, conniving sociopaths in Dutton’s LNP!

  19. Matthew Synnott

    andy56 and Kathryn, I want to fess up, get it off my chest, I have voted Liberal but in my defense, I was young and more foolish than I believe I am today. Now I have swapped youth with old age and being very foolish with a bit less foolish, that`s for others to judge. The fellow I voted for was Jim Killen in the seat of Moreton, does that get me a reduced term in eternal damnation?

    Small mercies, it took another miracle, this one to balance the first three years ago, I wish the first hadn t happened. We should all be thankful that the disgusting born to rule gang are no longer on the treasury benches, so they don t get to extend their time, doing all the things that disgust all decent people.

    For all the things we do know about, one can be sure there are plenty more that we don t, all the more reason for a fair dinkum anti corruption/integrity commission, any wonder that they didn t want an effective one?

    I think I qualify as rusted on Labor now, unless they get on the nose as well.

  20. andy56

    Kathryn, get with the picture. I personally have never voted for the LNP but collectively, australia has.
    As for moderate liberals, thats an oxymoron. You cant be liberal and moderate at the same time. If your liberal. your an ideologue.
    Pure and simple, you think your gods gift to man. Only you have the answers and your willing to go along with what ever happens if your in power. Josh or Dutton, is there a difference? Sharman , tim Wilson or mirabella, remember that shrill?

  21. totaram

    Let us not get ahead of ourselves, please.

    Federal ICAC with real teeth and retrospective remit.
    Removal of all Crooks and Cronies installed in Public institutions. This will take time.
    RC where required if ICAC does not cover it, e.g. Robodebt.
    Change of AEC legislation to outlaw ” outright lies” in election advertising, as already exits in South Australia, or even better. This needs to be done before the next federal election.

    These are of the utmost importance and urgency. Everything else follows.

  22. totaram

    andy56: I am completely in agreement. “We”, as in many of us, did vote many of these people into power. I like to think it was because of the incessant propaganda of the MSM. That we have voted them out seems to show that the voters have finally woken up to the lies and disinformation of the propagandists. I hope that is so. Have we all become “woke”? I certainly hope so if that is what it needs to get rid of these criminals.

    Let us see…..

  23. paul walter

    I am so releived to see these parasites gone- the previous decade is a lost one.

  24. Kathryn

    Matthew Synnot, all is forgiven, darling! Clearly you have become wiser, more compassionate and foresightful with age and the fact that you did not vote for Abbott or Morrison (and are unlikely to vote for that psychopath, Dutton) proves that your IQ is significantly higher than the rusted-on, Murdoch-manipulated drones who think that Dutton is OK!

    andy56, your observation that you cannot be a “liberal” and “moderate” at the same time is a valid one! Sadly, the word “liberal” has been forever tarnished, cruelly twisted and corrupted by the fascist right-wing extremists in the LNP! There is absolutely NOTHING “liberal” about a degenerate pack of political psychopaths who THRIVE on chaos, dysfunction, skirt-lifting misogyny, racism, war, fear and hate! However, Australians can NEVER EVER afford to become complacent! Already the wheels of connivance, vindictiveness and an unquenchable thirst for fascist power and obscene wealth is in play with the monstrous sociopaths in the LNP and their depraved Propaganda Minister, Murdoch! There is worse, far worse, to come now the the LNP is being misled by the Mother and Father of all sadistic deviants: Peter Dutton, a megalomaniacal, corrupt and callously inhumane sociopath who’s undemocratic hold over the worst regime in living memory is beyond terrifying!

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