Extract From Leigh Sales Interview with Tony Abbott
Sales: “Who are you?”
Abbott: “Well, Leigh, let’s just focus for a second on the captain’s picks. There have essentially been two captain’s picks …”
Sales: “Can you actually just focus on the big picture there? Because there’s been three different Tony Abbotts. I just want to know, which one are you?”
Abbott: “Well Leigh, I will let the Australian people form their own conclusions, but let’s just go back to the captain’s picks. There’s been two of them. There’s the paid parental leave scheme, which we took to two elections, but I accept that good policy though it would be in different circumstances, now is not the right time for an expansion of paid parental leave. And then, of course, there was the knighthood. Now, all of these awards in the Order of Australia are now being handled by the Council of the Order of Australia.”
Sales: “How about my point though, that there’ve been … you know, we’re up to Tony Abbott 3.0? Do you accept that you’ve thoroughly confused the public about what your government is and what you stand for?”
Abbott: “Let’s look at the situation that we inherited, Leigh …”
Sales: “Can we just look at the big picture about you?”
Abbott: “I’d rather have a conversation rather than an argument, Leigh.”
Sales: “I think it’s a reasonable question, and one that voters would be asking themselves, and it would be remiss of me not to put to you.”
Abbott: “And let me answer it by saying, going into the last election, the then-government was saying that the deficit would be $18 billion. It turned out to be $48 billion, there was a $30 billion budget black hole that the Labor Party had created, should have known about, and wasn’t telling us about. Obviously, when the circumstances change, there are some things that have to change with them. Now I absolutely accept Leigh, that I said the night before the election, that there’d be no cuts to the ABC. But let’s face it Leigh, that for 18 years, the ABC had no efficiency dividend, and when there are spending restraints across a whole area of government policy, surely under those circumstances, it is possible to revise a particular commitment.”
Sales: “But it’s interesting that you’re not able to answer the question to me. Who are you, what do you stand for? Which Tony are you?”
Abbott: “Well obviously, we stand for a government that believes in smaller government, lower taxes, and greater freedom. We are a government that believes in values and institutions that have stood the test of time. Above all else though, we are a pragmatic government which wants to do what works. And if we try to do something sensible one way, and it doesn’t work, we’ll try to bring about the same sensible outcome in a different way. And there are challenges Leigh. We at least accept that there’s a serious fiscal challenge, that intergenerational theft has been going on, that the former government started, and that we are determined to fix. The Labor Party is in denial about all these things. You can embrace a government which is not perfect, but is at least fair dinkum, or you can go with the people who gave us the problem, and are now trying to say that it’s not their fault, and they’re not going to address it.”
“Thanks, Mr Abbott, and congratulations on nothing happening yesterday.”
“Good evening and thank you. I’ve listened, I’ve learned and today is the day after good government has re-started, it’s back to work Tuesday, it’s a brand new day, it’s an exciting opportunity, it’s the first day of the rest of our lives, it’s a dream come true, it’s the beginning of the end of the age of entitlement or rather the beginning of the age of hope, reward and opportunity, it’s a…”
“Excuse me, Mr Abbott, but can I pursue the question which you seemed reluctant to answer in your interview with Leigh Sales, who are you?”
“Now, I think the question was pretty much dealt with last night, and I’d like to move on, because it’s not all about me.”
“So, who are you?”
“Well, the most important thing is that I’m not the Labor Party. In particular, I’m not Kevin Rudd or Julia Gillard, but I think it’s also far to say that I’m not Bill Shorten. Neither, I think it fair to say, am I … ah, Dexter, or Charles Manson, although Manson certainly knew how to inspire loyalty, which I obviously have, because all the traitors who voted against me have agreed to back me..”
“Excuse me again, but the question was ‘Who are you?’, not ‘Who aren’t you?'”
“Now… If you’d stop throwing all these rapid fire questions at me, like when I said I hadn’t read the BHP thingy, which I obviously had, because I said that I had the next day. If you keep interrupting and don’t give me the chance to finish then, of course, I’ll be misunderstood.”
“Ok. Go on.”
“Well, the thing is … ah… we inherited this mess from Labor… ah…, where the Budget doesn’t…um, balance… look, I’m not Treasurer, so he’d be better at explaining these things, but we abolished the Carbon and … ah, Mining Taxes which has left people a lot better off… and … ah, we need to cut spending so that we can afford to keep our standard of living… like, I mean, I’ve made all the households better off to the tune of “Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport” … no, not that to the tune of $550, which is helping to get us all back on track… Joe’s better at all this number’s stuff. So, I don’t know why you’re asking me an economic question.”
“I asked you who you were.”
“Look, let me make it absolutely clear that I stopped the boats. It’s only because it’s operational matter that I haven’t been able to tell you exactly how many boats I’ve stopped…”
“Let’s try this another way, how old are you?”
“Let me assure you that Kevin Andrews is absolutely right when he says that we shouldn’t be dictated to about how we choose to describe a competitive evaluation process.”
“And Joe Hockey has your full support?”
“Of course, but that’s got nothing to do with what we’re discussing. I’d like to be able to finish one answer before you change the subject.”
“So who are you, Mr Abbott?”
“Rupert Murdoch is a great Australian and I think that he said it best when he said that the Labor Party’s opposition to 457 visa holders was racist and disgusting.”
“Mr Abbott, I’m sorry but your time is up.”
“No, they gave me until after the Budget and then I’m going to call an early election, that’ll stop those backbench bastards…”
“I meant for the interview.”
“Oh, well, it’s been a pleasure.”
