Now some of you may have picked up that rather obscure story about some nice young Aussies being arrested in Malaysia. The story – which was given little attention by the media because they needed to focus on such important things as the NBN announcing that they weren’t going ahead with using the Optus cables in spite of paying nearly a billion dollars for the right to do so – was particularly interesting to some because Jack Walker, one of the young men involved, happened to be a staffer for Christopher Pyne.
Of course anybody who doesn’t live here or is a recent arrival, will be wondering how someone who works for such an important member of our current government wasn’t aware that stripping down and parading around in budgie smugglers might be considered offensive in other countries. That’s before one even takes account of the fact that he had that country’s flag on his bum. In Australia wearing flags is quite normal on days of national significance like Australia Day and any sporting occasion, or indeed any day one wants to protest about people being here when they don’t agree with everything the flag-wearer suggests. As for the swimwear, it was the garment of choice of our previous PM before his unfortunate removal. Mr Abbott, incidentally, was not removed because of his fashion sense, but because he wasn’t selling his message well enough which was a bit unfair. Mr Abbott had been busy selling so many other things that he didn’t have time to explain that he was, in fact, the greatest leader we’d ever had.
So it was entirely understandable that someone working in a minister’s office would have no problem whipping off his shirt and pants in order to celebrate a momentous win. I can just picture the entire front bench on election night with their Liberal togs on, dancing on marble tables and tackling each other while the drinks flowed…
Oh wait, that was when Abbott lost the leadership!
Anyway, Jack Walker has paid a high price for his exuberance in Malaysia. He has resigned. And he’s very sorry for what he’s done. As Mr Pyne told us:
“Jack indicated to me his deep regret for causing any embarrassment to the Government and apologised.”
Yes, I know some of you think that maybe he should be also expressing regret for any embarrassment he caused Australia, but if we started apologising every time someone made us look like a bunch of yahoos, we’d be constantly having to remind the world about the fact that Donald Trump is still the nominee of a major party, so compared to the USA, we’re small time.
Of course, the idea that he should apologise to Malaysia is just the sort of hippie, left wing cultural cringing that makes Andrew Bolt so angry, so don’t even bring that up or I’ll be forced to slip on my Aussie flag bandana and cape and question your loyalty to our wide, brown land!
Mr Pyne added: “One lapse of judgement does not detract from the fact that Jack has been an outstanding staff member, a significant contributor to my office since late 2013 and I believe he will have a bright future.”
Mr Cormann, however, contradicted Mr Pyne telling us that Walker had paid a high price for the incident, because, if that’s so, how can he still have a bright future? Actually, if he’s resigned, isn’t that a choice thing, so how can it be considered a “high price” unless it wasn’t a choice thing, in which case it was another one of those times when people use a word in a way where its meaning is slightly different from the normal understanding of the word.
But then I am overlooking the way the world works these days. Perhaps, Mr Pyne is simply suggesting that now that Mr Walker has freed himself from all those political constraints, he’s now free to do more lucrative work such as “Dancing With The Stars” or working as a male stripper. Then again, perhaps he’s already lined up a job as a fact checker for Donald Trump’s speeches.
Or maybe, he’ll follow the path set by Peta Credlin and be given his media gig. After all, he has several things in common with her. While to the best of my knowledge, Ms Credlin has never whipped her kit off in a public place, they both worked for a member of the government and they both achieved more publicity than the average staffer. And they both are probably hoping for an Abbott return so they can get their old jobs back.
Whatever, it’s great that these boys are back in Australia in time for the Melbourne Cup. I’m sure that they’ll be a lot more welcome parading their gorgeous bodies around Flemington because here in Australia we understand the need to get your gear off with your mates in a totally blokey way.
