Image by theaustralian.com.au

What is the Liberals’ obsession with boats?

We need to stop them, buy them, tow them, give them away, and, now in Joe Hockey’s economic plan, we need to lift them. A key strategy in this is the removal of the carbon tax, so that we speed the rising sea levels, because apparently that will be good for all boats.

Some of the leftist media are suggesting that the Liberals have no jobs plan. One person was even unkind enough to suggest that Tony Abbott’s pursuit of the Prime Ministership was like a dog chasing a car, in the unlikely event that the dog caught the car, he’d have no idea what to do with it. But, this is unfair – people who are in the newspaper industry have a very limited view of economics. Anyone who understands economics would leave the newspaper industry, because it’s so unprofitable.

The Liberals have a clear jobs plan which can be summed up in a few simple points.

1. Workers are paid too much.
2. People who donate to the Liberals don’t make enough profits.
3. Once we get rid of these jobs – such as SPC Ardmona – where people were earning, in some cases, enough to supply food and shelter, workers will be a lot more willing to work for the sorts of money that enables Liberal benefactors to donate generously to the campaign to destroy the unions.
4. By introducing work-for-the-dole, it will be argued that these people are gainfully employed on worthwhile tasks, so that the word “unemployed” is no longer relevant.
5. Strong law and order policies – such as the VLAD laws in Queensland – will enable the state to mop up a large number of the unemployed by using them as either guards or prisoners.
6. A new initiative will be announced early in 2015 called “Operation Sovereign Employment” which will be overseen by a three star admiral who will tell us that the number of jobs being created is an operational matter and therefore classified as its release will help the enemy. The reason for appointing an admiral is that this is on dry land and is consistent with appointing an army general to oversee a naval operation as in “Operation Sovereign Borders”.
7. Tony Abbott will make an announcement that even though the Government won’t be commenting on the unemployment numbers, he can tell us that lots of jobs were created and lots of people are still working and this is a result of his government’s policy of not doing anything.
8. Everyone will be required to buy a boat. This boat will be Australian made by a company owned by the wife of a member of Cabinet but claims of conflict of interest will be dismissed because, in the end, aren’t we all connected to everyone and there’s no direct financial gain going to the minister as all the profits are being sucked out of the company by the Carbon tax and the enormous cost of sending the money to the Cayman Islands where the company’s headquarters are based.

So, as you can see it’s very clear where the Abbott Government is taking us. My one bit of advice is to make sure that you have a spare paddle, because apparently it’s not very nice to be caught without one when we get there.