By our Space correspondent: Jon Chesterson

MORRISON’S INVISIBLE OMICRON-READY MAGIC SPACESUIT WITH FLY-PROOF SCREEN, SECURITY MESH AND OXY-GENE VARIANT IN NEED OF A 5-6 MONTH UPGRADE.

Yup, I was in a pathology clinic waiting room today and a gentleman sat down beside me without a mask and muttered indifferently into empty space in the middle of the waiting room, ‘I’m not contagious’, as if we were all deaf mute, invisible androids with autoimmune nanobots in our bloodstream, or just mostly stunned… and then we carried on.

People are partying downtown in night club central in CBD sector’s Rigel and Betelgeuse, while the Omicron special forces squad are knocking down the doors with their electric toothbrushes and aerosol software updates on stealth technology and asteroids. Allegedly reported to be doubling up their tactical invasions every 2-3 days in UK, but Dutton is still fixated on the China wars. If we start with 1 case of Omicron (ground zero) in Aus, after 1 calendar month we are looking at somewhere between 1,000-30,000 active cases (invasions). The dark lunar forces of Omicron are upon us.

Except we had 3 confirmed cases reported yesterday from just one event on the glitzy HMAS Flagship Casino NSW – no less a party cruise in Sydney harbour on 3 December, 10 days ago followed by the Albion hotel in Parramatta and the Cult night club in Potts Point. OMG! Cruise ships, the razzmatazz dazzle opening up of international borders and inter-state outposts on screwed up or non-existent quarantine facilities, blind Freddie all over again on the incredibly dim-witted penal space colony of NSW!

84 Covid-19 cases have been reported from one event on HMAS Newcastle-Hunter at the Argyle club last week, of which NSW Health expect in their spectacular MoC algorithm predictions, will include a few undercover Omicron operatives already, not just one. But psychohistorian Hazzard was off world and not available for superficial or intelligent comment.

We are 10/30 days in on that algorithm already and people everywhere are ditching their bras and pants, throwing precautions to the solar winds, gathering and partying, wearing their nearly 6-month-old invisible vaccination spacesuits (version 1.0) without nanobots and sniff my arse Morrison space academy badges stapled proudly on their golden space boobs. But you need your digital certificates to get past the bouncers wherever you go.

And what’s Prime Regent Morrison telling us now, announcing every day – We are 80% (of eligible age groups, so not 80% at all but another false algorithm) vaccinated and in NSW 90% (not whole of population obviously, same modelling). As if the Omicron Darth Vader gives a shit about Morrison’s PR and invisible magic spacesuit, or the colour of his arse, public LNP slogans and curiously engineered tourist ABC satellite broadcasts.

And what else is Morrison boasting about on the under-funded public broadcaster’s Planet ABC, the Sky Corporation and News Corp H2S04 – we’ve got 150 million doses of Covid vaccine in the country, so what are you all worried about? Of which only Pfizer and Moderna are approved for rocket booster fuel. But wait, only 24 million people over the age of 5 who can have it, and 2.4 million (5-12yrs) won’t even start the roll out till January, when the other ‘rubbery bouncing cryogenic space kangarood’ 80-90% of the virtual population will have up to 50% jolly roger wear and tear in their ‘invisible’ double-vaxed cosmic armoury. I wouldn’t be rushing out in the vacuum of space, under probing pulsars and into psychedelic nightclubs with my visa up and osmotic holes all over my starry torso, singing dancing queen and hugging Venus cocktails, nightclub suckers! Barely any safer docking at the nearest suburban hypermarket dodging trolleys and space shuttles in Barnaby’s barking dog suits – check out the special offers aisle, half price space gums for happy chewers and spaced out unchilled dead fish water fountain bottles from the extinct Murray-Darling, again don’t worry, it’s been through the corporate sanitiser and re-packaged!

So what happens to the other 100+ million vaccines we’ve ordered and paid for? Those which could have gone directly to poorer countries without space stations, where mining colonies hurt real bad, and the next generation Omicron 1.2s and 1.3s special squads are busy working up their new intercellular flight shuttles on QANTAS Cosmos and VIRGIN Galactic – free entry permits for fee paying corporates. Bugger the Australian Space Agency (ASA), actually delete that thought, a little too close for comfort without that interplanetary ICAC. No turn backs here, every squad’s a cheap worker and here’s what you can do for your economy!

Morrison’s not too hot on numbers, bushfires, climate change, the pandemic, jobs, economy, crosswords or anagrams, in point of fact not much good at anything at all – Go figure ‘Omicron’. Not too hot on magic spacesuits either, but here’s an idea not a million light years from home, far far away… and plenty of it.

Anyway, blood’s taken. Tried booking my booster shot when I got home, nearest appointment on Morrison’s latest ‘get your booster shot now campaign’ is at least 5 weeks away and NSW Health are uncontactable. Seen the government adverts, got the mail today, yes it’s moonshit from our man on the moon – His hologram left the building middle of last week for Prime Regency summer holidays on Hawaii Alpha, but I can still hear his carcinogenic voice every day on screen and in my head, get that hand shake away from me.

5 weeks and the invasion is already here exploiting the gap, just like climate change and there are no magic vaccinations and Aussie space suits for that, just coal bunkers and more almighty cosmic bloopers!

Reference: NSW Health reports on new exposure venues to Omicron cases (10 December 2021) https://www.health.nsw.gov.au/news/Pages/20211210_01.aspx