“Good Morning, Mr Abbott, thanks for joining us.”
“Is the mike on?”
“Yes, the interview’s started.”
“And you’ll tell me when it’s off?”
“Just presume that it’s on all the time. Now how are you feeling about your prospects in Canning.”
“Well, the Canning byelection is all about jobs and growth and security.”
“Yes, you’ve said that but I wonder how electing a Liberal candidate will help secure jobs and growth.”
“Simply… ah, the Liberal candidate will join our team and we’re all about jobs and growth and keeping people safe.”
“But what jobs are we talking about? Where do you see the jobs?”
“In Canning. And everywhere else.”
“Yes but in what areas will these jobs be.”
“The Canning area. And everywhere else in Australia.”
“But what will these jobs be?”
“We’ve stopped the boats, and repealed the carbon and mining taxes and we have a plan.”
“But the jobs? What are they?”
“They’re part of our plan.”
“And what is your plan?”
“It’s a plan for jobs and growth.”
“But growth has actually slowed under your government. Last quarter, if it wasn’t for government spending on defence we would have actually had no growth at all.”
“I’m glad you brought that up. Thanks to us the boats have stopped, and we’re speeding an unprecedented amount of money keeping people safe and we make no apology for that.”
“But we were talking about growth.”
“We were and thanks to us the carbon tax is gone and the mining tax is gone and the boats have stopped, because we have a plan and that plan is about jobs and growth.”
“Isn’t it a concern that you’re relying on government spending for growth when you were so critical of Labor when it came to the Budget.”
“That’s because under Labor spending was out of control. We had no control over how they spent their money, but now that the adults are back in charge, we’re on a path to sustainable surplus.”
“But the Budget deficit is almost double what it was under Labor…”
“Look, the deficit is much, much lower than it would be under Labor, because thanks to us the boats have stopped, the carbon and mining taxes are gone and spending is once again under control because we control it.”
“There have been reports of delays and a blowout in the cost of NBN.”
“Well, clearly having stopped the boats, we now have to fix up Labor’s mess on the NBN.”
“With respect, Prime Minister, these things have happened under your watch.”
“Thank you, yes it’s true that the boats have stopped under us.”
“I was refering to the NBN.”
“And you’re right. We always said that the NBN would cost more than Labor were telling us and that it wouldn’t be delivered on time.”
“Yes, but isn’t it now your responsibility?”
“No, it was Labor’s idea. We always said that we didn’t need to spend billions of dollars on some passing fad like the Internet. I mean a few years ago everyone had a Playstation, but that’s gone. This internet game thing will disappear like Playstation… or gay marriage.”
“Finally, you don’t think that speculation about your leadership will harm your chances in Canning.”
“There hasn’t been a single illegal boat arrive in Canning since we took office.”
“The leadership.”
“The public aren’t interested. This is a government which is totally focused on jobs, economic growth, community safety – not Canberra insider gossip. We;re a committed team and as Joe said last week this is coming from people unhappy that money’s been taken from their portfolio.”
“So you’re telling me that nobody is trying to undermine you in the lead-up to Canning?”
“We’re all totally united and anybody who is saying anything different is just wrong. Just remember we stopped the boats..”
“Thanks, Prime Minister and may I just take this chance to wish you a merry Christmas in case we don’t get the chance to interview you again after the Canning result.”
“Why wouldn’t you get a chance to interview me after Canning… Is the microphone still on?”
“Yes, Prime Minister, it is.”
“So I better not make any comments about ‘Cape York’ time…”
“Probably wise. Without Peter Dutton here to say something even more insensitive, people might actually notice this time.”
