Phil: Ok, I’ve interviewed the rest of the staff and, with your permission, Mr Morrison, I need to ask you a couple of questions.
Scotty: Go ahead.
Phil: Ok, were you told about the alleged rape in March 2019?
Scotty: Yes.
Phil: When were you told?
Scotty: Can’t be sure of the time but sometime on April 5th.
Phil: Right, well that concludes my investigation. Apparently, everyone in your office knows and most of them have known for nearly two years. I’ll start writing up my report and I should have it to you about… um, September?
Scotty: No, there’s been a change of plan. We’re not going to an election this year, so probably better to get it out of the way early.
Phil: Ok, around Budget time then.
Scotty: Yes that sounds fine. And, of course, this is about the Defence Office.
Phil: Yes, clearly there are security concerns.
Scotty: Clearly.
Phil: And so I probably should suggest that it be examined to ensure classified information isn’t being inadvertently leaked.
Scotty: Definitely. And redactions will need to be made before we can hand it on to be checked to ensure that it doesn’t breach anyone’s privacy.
Phil: This is a very delicate matter.
Scotty: Very.
Phil: Who should check it to ensure that privacy isn’t being breached?
Scotty: Mm, it’s a very important matter. I guess my office should be the one to check it.
Phil: I don’t suppose we could suggest that it’s an “on water” situation.
Scotty: No, but it is an “operational matter”.
Phil: Oh, definitely. So I shouldn’t comment on an operational matter until the report is released.
Scotty: And that includes any questions about when the report is likely to be released.
Phil: Which I guess it up to you.
Scotty: And I’m waiting until it’s been fully checked to ensure that there is no security or privacy concerns.
Phil: Yes, we need to do everything right so that nobody can suggest that this is a coverup.
Scotty: No I’ve already got an announcement ready about investigating the inordinate delay in releasing reports. It’s going to be released very quickly and it’s going to suggest that it’s all the fault of Peter Dutton’s portfolio and he needs to get his act together. That should stuff any leadership challenge.
Phil: You think of everything.
Scotty: It’s what I’m here for.
Phil: So, what’s the plan after this?
Scotty: Sorry.
Phil: Like what are we going to about getting Australians back from overseas.
Scotty: That’s a state job.
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