Ok, I saw the media stories about how our beloved leader has been spending his weekends making a cubby house for his kids…
And yes, I did read that some of you lefty people were saying that it was too late and they were too big for it.
Well, I was about to do a whole piece on fat shaming when my son distracted me with a simple question: “Gee, Dad, why didn’t you ever make me a cubby house on Fathers’ day?” I quickly explained that I was too busy, what with my determination to actually do my job, which this year included finding the time to write a piece attacking people for complaining about those poor Morrison girls’ inability to fit into the cubby that our PM was neglecting the whole nation to put together when he put me straight.
“Too BIG, as in too OLD… This isn’t to do with their size. Nobody is calling them fat. God, Dad, you are so stupid!”
Well, I considered going straight into the back yard and making him a cubby just to prove there were no hard feelings, but at his age he may have considered it a hint that I wanted grandchildren…
Instead I simply apologised for my inability to do things to please him on Fathers’ Day to which he replied that I clearly didn’t get his irony.
“Jesus, I’m supposed to be doing things for you on Fathers’ Day, Why on earth would I ever expect you to make me a cubby? You’re an idiot!”
To which I replied: “You actually understand irony. Thanks. That’s the best gift I could have hoped for…”
He suggested that if that was the best gift then maybe it wasn’t too late to take my actual gift back and try for a refund. I suggested that maybe he was bitter because I’d never actually made him a cubby house.
”Nah, if you hadn’t killed yourself in the act of building it, you’d have probably injured me when it fell down on top of me.”
“Hey, are you suggesting that I’m less competent than Scott Morrison?” I asked
He then gave me an even better Fathers’ day gift by going to bed without replying…
Still, next year if he forgets Mothers’ Day I’ll have an iron as a standby present. Let’s see how that works out, and if we still have the same PM by then….
Ok, you may not think that an iron is a great present but I don’t have an empathy coach, so how could I know any better?
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