All right, the title has nothing to do with what I’m writing. It’s not quite click-bait, but in an era where I’m competing with the tweets of Donald T-rump and the coal-powered humour of Scott Morrison, then I have to resort to whatever I can to get your attention…
Now that I have your attention, I find that I have nothing worth saying. It’s like when you win government and find that you don’t actually have an agenda…
(This is not a reference to either the Liberals or Donald Trump who have a clear agenda. They both want to make everything great again. But not for people who didn’t vote for them or give them money… Well, they’re not Robinson Crusoe on that).
Yep, I have nothing to say! That’s not really my fault. I figure that it must be the fault of the Labor Party because everything else seems to be their fault. Good God, they’re practically the Devil, because they keep making the Liberals do things.
“The devil made me do it!” cries the repentant sinner.
“Labor made us do it,” cries the Liberal minister.
The only difference being that the Liberals argue that Labor is making them do it before they actually do it, whereas the repentant sinner usually tries his line after he’s done it!
You see, Labor are making the Liberals think about a tax rise.
For four years, the Coalition has been saying that we don’t have a revenue problem, we have a spending problem. In the last couple of days, they’ve floated the idea of a tax increase. (Relax, relax, I suspect that this will go the way of everything else they’ve floated. At least the Titantic made it out of the harbour!)
Anyway, it’s not their prefered option. But Labor/the devil is making them do it…
There was a bit of a suggestion about reducing the discount on Capital Gains tax on property, but apparently this would cause a revolt by the Coaliton MPs who own more than five investment properties. Turnbull, in spite of never needing to sell and therefore never needing to pay a Capital Gains tax, decided that this needed to be ruled out because Labor had suggested it at the last election. And without even doing the numbers, he knows that the number of Liberals with more than five investment properties who could vote against him in a leadership spill would be enough to end him as PM.
Anyway, I was going to make a point here, but I’ve forgotten what it was and that’s clearly because Labor made me forget it…
Wait, no, it was something about coal being cleaner because Scott Morrison managed to pass it round the chamber without anyone getting their hands dirty.
No, it was something else. Something about Donald Trump…
Oh, bloody Labor Party, I’ve forgotten what I was intending to do…
That’s right. I was planning to work out my budget for the next few weeks, but thanks to the Labor Party I have a spending problem because I bought too much alcohol last week when I got depressed that Malcolm Turnbull’s performance in Parliament was considered an improvement when he gave the sort of display that would lead to a suspension for bullying, if a Year 8 boy tried that in a school debate.
Bloody Bill Shorten…
Bloody Labor Party…
Bloody media…
I mean, they’ve made the Liberals exchange preferences with those PHONIES…
(Just in case you aren’t aware, PHONIES is an acronym for Pauline Hanson’s One Nation Isn’t Everyone’s Stooge!)
Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Labor once formed government with that dangerous extreme group “The Greens”, so there’s no problem with the Liberals helping One Nation get a few members up… After all, some of their members are less extreme than some of the National Party, so why would you preference them ahead of your Coalition partner?
Where were we?
Oh, that’s right. We were fixing my Budget.
And it had a problem coz the devil made me do it!
P.S. God didn’t actually tell me that Trump was ok. He actually said that he wasn’t going to tell me anything “on the record” but I could quote sources close to the Bible who wonder why the same people who are so definite on bits and pieces here and there on gay marriage, don’t have the same level of clarity about working on the Sabbath which is one of the ten commandments. Surely, if you’re going to risk you immortal soul by working on the Sabbath you should be entitled to extra pay. When I tried to clarify which day was the day of rest, sources close to the Bible suggested that it was the Labor Party who had confused things, and it was Bill Shorten’s fault even though he wasn’t born at the time.
P.P.S. Sources close to the Bible have suggested that they were misquoted and that unless we actually try to be a little more circumspect, then we’re all screwed in spite of what Rupert tells you.
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