The Future In Abbott’s Australia

“Sorry, I can’t stay for another beer – I’ve got a doctor’s appointment.”

“You what?”

“I’ve got a doctor’s appointment. I have to go and get a mole checked out. My wife thinks it might be skin cancer.”

“No such thing, mate.”

“What do you mean?”

“This skin cancer stuff is just a conspiracy so that scientists can get more money.”

“How do you know?”

“It’s just my opinion. But I did read something about it on the Internet, and someone rang up a talkback show and said it was a load of crap and the host said that he wasn’t convinced that it existed either.”

“But what about people who’ve died of skin cancer?”

“They did ask anyone who’d died of skin cancer to ring in and nobody did. One woman tried to say that her husband had died of skin cancer, but they said that they weren’t going to rely on hearsay.”

“I had a mole removed last year and my doctor said that I should get any changes checked.”

“Well, he would say that, wouldn’t he? I mean, they’re all part of the conspiracy.”

“So you’re saying that the doctors and the scientists are working together just to make us part with our money?”

“Exactly. I mean, it’s supposed to be caused by the sun and the sun is a naturally occurring part of nature and plants need it to grow so how could it be bad for us?”

“I suppose, but it’s hard to believe that so many people would be trying to mislead us.”

“Scientists have often got it wrong. I mean look at that Climate Change crap. There were all those predictions that we’d all be underwater by now, and it’s only the beachside suburbs that have been submerged.”

“All right, I will have another beer. I can afford it now I don’t have to pay all that money to go to the doctor.”

“Yeah, that was a good idea of Abbott’s. Taxing people $200 every time they visit the doctor.”

“Well, it certainly got the Budget in a much healthier position.”

“And it stopped people rushing off to the doctor every time they felt a bit crook or severed an artery.”

“And it’s certainly cut down on waiting times. Last time I went there were more doctors than patients.”

“Say what you like about the Liberals, they’re certainly sound economic managers.”

“Yeah, that idea about fining anyone who didn’t finish secondary school and charging the ones that did for the cost of their schooling was a stroke of genius.”

“It’s great to know that the Budget’s will be back in surplus by the year 2043.”

“Apparently it’d be a lot sooner if unemployment hadn’t hit 68%.”

“Well, at least we don’t have to fork out our taxes for those lazy bludgers any more. Demanding that all those on Work-for-the-dole have to buy a new uniform every day should have been an enormous boost to our clothing industry. If only those lazy bastards had done it instead of saying that they didn’t have any money because the cost of administering the scheme was being deducted from their benefit.”

“You’d think that they’d want to give something back to the community.”

“Nah, they’re too lazy, mate. I saw one who claimed that he was homeless. And I said why don’t you buy a house then instead of just sitting around. I mean, it’s not like he didn’t have time.”

“Yeah, people who vote Liberal have a different mindset. When Sophie Mirabella lost her job, she went straight out and got that job with that submarine thingy. But those Left wing types just wait around expecting someone just to hand it to them.”

“Yeah, if I’d paid any income tax last year, I’d be really pissed off.”

“Me too. That was another great move by Abbott. Abolishing income tax on anyone earning over $200,000. Really gives people an incentive to work harder.”

“And there’s plenty of jobs out there. The social media unit of the PM’s office is always hiring. I believe that it has over nine thousand staff now and they still can’t keep up with the criticism.”

“Typical of Australians. They’re just never grateful. I mean, if it wasn’t for Abbott we wouldn’t have unemployment of 68%, interest rates of zero, and six of the richest people in the world living in Australia.”

“Yeah, we’d still have all those buses and trams clogging up our roads.”

“Lucky we voted Labor out when we did or the deficit’d be even bigger than it is?”

“What is it these days?”

“Dunno. It’s an operational matter. Apparently, it isn’t in the nation’s interest for anyone to know.”

“Let’s have another beer.”

“Yeah mate, after all, I’ve just read somewhere that drinking doesn’t cause any harm and that it’s all a big con to enable governments to tax it.”

“Cheers.”

“Cheers.”

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