Treasurer Joe Hockey is facing a fresh round of criticism for being out of touch and not understanding the impact of his budget on the less well off after suggesting “poorest people either don’t have cars or actually don’t drive very far in many cases”.
The Sydney Morning Herald
“Mr Jockey, thanks for the interview.”
“Just a second, I’ve never said I’d do an interview!”
“Is that because I haven’t paid you enough?”
“You haven’t paid me anything. And be careful what you say here, remember that I’m suing Fairfax over their ‘Treasurer for Sale’ headlines.”
“Yes but you’re not the Treasurer – you’re a made-up character. And this is a satiric piece.”
“Well, you can’t expect people to assume that these days.”
“Anyway, I understand that you’re suggesting that there’s no problem with introducing a tax on mortgages because poor people don’t have houses.”
“Look, this isn’t policy. It was just a thought bubble. And we never intended to actually introduce it. It was just to distract from the 18C stuff and my comments on poor people not driving while Tony manages to find somewhere to send our troops.”
“What about Vanuatu? They don’t have a very big army and Australians already have a number of businesses there.”
“Mm, I don’t think they’re threatening enough, but I’ll suggest it to Tony. Ukrania was looking good for a while, but our troops weren’t allowed to carry guns and there was no opportunity to get Tony in a flak jacket aiming some sort of weapon.”
“Ukrania?”
“Yeah, you know, where the Ukranians come from.”
“Maybe we could attack Canadia?”
“Nah, their PM and Tony have formed a bit of bond. He’d never go for it?”
“Wouldn’t a war blow the budget?”
“No price is too much to pay to make sure that Australia is safe!”
“Safe from what?”
“Safe from an electoral victory by Labor. Besides, the next election is only a couple of years away and we need some excuse for why the debt hasn’t been paid down.”
“Which brings us back to economic matters. Are you concerned about the high level of unemployment?”
“Of course. This is a clear indication of the need for labour market reform. Wages are clearly too high which is why we can’t compete.”
“Wages too high? How does this fit in with your concern about the cost of living before the election?”
“We’ve removed the Carbon Tax which we estimate to be worth as much as $10 a week to the average Australian household. Surely this means that people could work for less!”
“How much less?”
“For same money that Chinese workers are paid.”
“I don’t think Australians would accept that.”
“Exactly. That’s why we’re removing the red tape on 457 Visas. Under our proposal if an employer wants to employ someone from, say Africa, they just need to fill a form saying that they couldn’t find anyone with the special skill of being African and prepared to work for $2 a day plus board and lodging.”
“Is that being fair on Australians?”
“Look, as Rupert Mudrock pointed out that’s racist and disgusting. We live in a global economy where there are no borders.”
“I thought you lot were all about stronger borders.”
“Only when it’s not being racist and disgusting and where we can target the sort of people who look like they’re not prepared to work for $2 a day. I mean, some of these so-called asylum seekers have the sort of skills that have enabled them to earn enough to pay people smugglers large amounts of money.”
“Well, Mr Jockey, you’ve certainly given us a lot to think about. Thanks for the interview.”
“Look, I said that I wouldn’t be giving an interview and I didn’t.”
“But I asked you questions and you gave answers – isn’t that an interview?”
“Of course not. Next you’ll be suggesting that I broke election promises. Look…”
“But you did break some. No cuts, 18C, the PPL…”
“You interrupted!”
“Sorry. Continue. How were you going to justify your broken promises.”
“Look. Look deep into my eyes. You are getting sleepy. Sleepy…”
P.S. Is Bill Shorten reading my posts?
“Are you serious, Joe Hockey? Are you really the cigar chomping, Foghorn Leghorn of Australian politics where you’re saying that poor people don’t drive cars?,” Mr Shorten said.
[textblock style=”7″]
Like what we do at The AIMN?
You’ll like it even more knowing that your donation will help us to keep up the good fight.
Chuck in a few bucks and see just how far it goes!
Your contribution to help with the running costs of this site will be gratefully accepted.
You can donate through PayPal or credit card via the button below, or donate via bank transfer: BSB: 062500; A/c no: 10495969
[/textblock]
