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There Is Definitely A Need For An Irony Font!

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Treasurer Joe Hockey is facing a fresh round of criticism for being out of touch and not understanding the impact of his budget on the less well off after suggesting “poorest people either don’t have cars or actually don’t drive very far in many cases”.
The Sydney Morning Herald

 

“Mr Jockey, thanks for the interview.”

“Just a second, I’ve never said I’d do an interview!”

“Is that because I haven’t paid you enough?”

“You haven’t paid me anything. And be careful what you say here, remember that I’m suing Fairfax over their ‘Treasurer for Sale’ headlines.”

“Yes but you’re not the Treasurer – you’re a made-up character. And this is a satiric piece.”

“Well, you can’t expect people to assume that these days.”

“Anyway, I understand that you’re suggesting that there’s no problem with introducing a tax on mortgages because poor people don’t have houses.”

“Look, this isn’t policy. It was just a thought bubble. And we never intended to actually introduce it. It was just to distract from the 18C stuff and my comments on poor people not driving while Tony manages to find somewhere to send our troops.”

“What about Vanuatu? They don’t have a very big army and Australians already have a number of businesses there.”

“Mm, I don’t think they’re threatening enough, but I’ll suggest it to Tony. Ukrania was looking good for a while, but our troops weren’t allowed to carry guns and there was no opportunity to get Tony in a flak jacket aiming some sort of weapon.”

“Ukrania?”

“Yeah, you know, where the Ukranians come from.”

“Maybe we could attack Canadia?”

“Nah, their PM and Tony have formed a bit of bond. He’d never go for it?”

“Wouldn’t a war blow the budget?”

“No price is too much to pay to make sure that Australia is safe!”

“Safe from what?”

“Safe from an electoral victory by Labor. Besides, the next election is only a couple of years away and we need some excuse for why the debt hasn’t been paid down.”

“Which brings us back to economic matters. Are you concerned about the high level of unemployment?”

“Of course. This is a clear indication of the need for labour market reform. Wages are clearly too high which is why we can’t compete.”

“Wages too high? How does this fit in with your concern about the cost of living before the election?”

“We’ve removed the Carbon Tax which we estimate to be worth as much as $10 a week to the average Australian household. Surely this means that people could work for less!”

“How much less?”

“For same money that Chinese workers are paid.”

“I don’t think Australians would accept that.”

“Exactly. That’s why we’re removing the red tape on 457 Visas. Under our proposal if an employer wants to employ someone from, say Africa, they just need to fill a form saying that they couldn’t find anyone with the special skill of being African and prepared to work for $2 a day plus board and lodging.”

“Is that being fair on Australians?”

“Look, as Rupert Mudrock pointed out that’s racist and disgusting. We live in a global economy where there are no borders.”

“I thought you lot were all about stronger borders.”

“Only when it’s not being racist and disgusting and where we can target the sort of people who look like they’re not prepared to work for $2 a day. I mean, some of these so-called asylum seekers have the sort of skills that have enabled them to earn enough to pay people smugglers large amounts of money.”

“Well, Mr Jockey, you’ve certainly given us a lot to think about. Thanks for the interview.”

“Look, I said that I wouldn’t be giving an interview and I didn’t.”

“But I asked you questions and you gave answers – isn’t that an interview?”

“Of course not. Next you’ll be suggesting that I broke election promises. Look…”

“But you did break some. No cuts, 18C, the PPL…”

“You interrupted!”

“Sorry. Continue. How were you going to justify your broken promises.”

“Look. Look deep into my eyes. You are getting sleepy. Sleepy…”

 

P.S. Is Bill Shorten reading my posts?

“Are you serious, Joe Hockey? Are you really the cigar chomping, Foghorn Leghorn of Australian politics where you’re saying that poor people don’t drive cars?,” Mr Shorten said.

Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/critics-attack-joe-hockeys-claim-poorest-dont-drive-cars-as-completely-fallacious-20140813-3dmrj.html#ixzz3AFrnyWxY

 344 total views,  6 views today

24 comments

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  1. OzFenric

    I suspect Joe might have been misreported. He didn’t say “Poor people don’t drive cars”. I think he meant “Poor people shouldn’t drive cars”.

  2. Dan Dark

    Sheeeeesh Joe is in the wrong career he should be a stand up comic because he cannot be taken seriously the galah.
    What planet is he on again the toe tappin cigar Smokin joe, not this one and every time he speaks, he sounds more alien to normal Aussies, who live in the real world,
    Alice in Wonderland is another place he hangs out too with the other make believe characters, thanks for the smile Ross 🙂

  3. Denisio Fabuloso

    Joe is just a hapless, untalented self important, delusional fool. How on earth did this mediocre incompetent whinger end up as treasurer?

  4. John Citizen

    People like those in the current front bench are at a bit of a loss when it comes to irony. I can’t remember who said it but I like the following aphorism:

    “If you want to slug someone give them a compliment that’s just a tiny tiny bit too effusive”.

  5. Florence nee Fedup

    He said it. Then dug a bigger hole trying to justify what he said. Two weeks until parliament resits. I believe that is when the shit starts hitting the fans., When we are faced with all bills renamed……………Appropriations Bills.

  6. CompletelyLost

    And this is the guy who was looking at being the next leader of the Liberal Party and maybe Prime Minister, well he has well and truly shoved his own foot so far up his proverbial, that those ambitions are shot to pieces, maybe his next book should be how to kill a political career in 10 months.

  7. Keitha Granville

    gosh, I guess I’ll have to stop driving then as I;m clearly not allowed to have a car being a low income earner. What was I thinking ? I better strat getting the bus to work – it leaves at 7am and I don’t have to be there till 6pm but at least I;ll be early, and as there isn’t one to come home again until the next day at 4pm I’ll have to sleep over at the bus stop. Hmmm – haven’t really thought this through AT ALL have you Joe ?

  8. JohnB

    Anthony Albanese ‏@AlboMP 1h
    So Joe Hockey cuts all public transport funding from Budget, then says poor people don’t drive cars much – you couldn’t make this stuff up
    (Thanks to BH1883)

  9. Florence nee Fedup

    If the poor do not drive cars, Abbott says none use public transport, how are they to get around.

  10. John Fraser

    <

    Breaking news !

    The Budget terrorist Joe Hockey removes another wheel from Abbotts Amish buggy.

    Abbott promises everything is ok and he is travelling well.

    RSPC still to report on condition of horse.

  11. Kaye Lee

    “Research indicates that the people who use their cars most frequently are in the outer metropolitan areas and rural and regional areas where there are lower incomes, less jobs, and little or no access to public transport. The AAA is concerned that individuals in these areas will bear the highest cost increases of indexation changes.” – June 2014 submission to the Senate Economics Committee inquiry into the proposed excise rise by the Australian Automobile Association

    “petrol and diesel excises are regressive in that people on low incomes pay a higher proportion of their incomes in the form of excise than people on high incomes, given the same level of fuel use”. – 2001 research paper from the Parliamentary Library

  12. chris perram

    Comic Sans is taken. That’s for sarcasm.

  13. John Kelly

    Has Joe never heard of Grey Nomads? Or does he think that because they have a caravan they must be rich?

  14. John Fraser

    <

    Dear Tony,

    On behalf of myself and the other hard working multinationals I take this opportunity to thank you for protecting Joe Hockey and his marvellous Budget from those incredibly ungrateful people living in our …. not to be mistaken with that nanny state ABC … our Australia.

    Must talk soon about increasing the fuel subsidy to our wonderful mining industry.

    Really … you are doing such a wonderful job … a wonderful job that I can feel a poem coming on.

    Gina.

  15. diannaart

    Abbott did say the “dolts are in charge now”…. by golly, he wuz right!

  16. DanDark

    “The treasurer used Australian Bureau of Statistics figures to defend his comment that “the poorest people either don’t have cars or actually don’t drive very far in many cases”.

    “But the figures on car ownership and spending on petrol circulated by Hockey’s office did not include any examination of the spending as a proportion of income, which would indicate how much of an impact it would have on family budgets.”

    http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/aug/14/poor-spend-petrol-anger-hockey

  17. abbienoiraude

    Just as anecdotal evidence.
    We on DSP/carers (pretty ‘poor’) had to go to the pharmacy and do food shopping today.
    We live in a small hamlet in regional NSW.
    It took $70 to fill up our car and we drove approximately 85klm round trip to the major service centre.

    OK?

  18. John Fraser

    <

    Attention RossLeigh !

    "P.S. Is Bill Shorten reading my posts ?"

    Bill Shorten walks into a bank to cash a cheque.

    When he’s called over to the teller, he says, "Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me?"

    The teller replied, "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"

    Bill Shorten said, "Truthfully, I didn’t bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I’m the leader of the Labour Party of Australia."

    The teller said, "Yes sir, I know who you are… but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors, forgers, and requirements of the legislation etc, I must insist on seeing ID."

    Shorten said, “Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they’ll tell you. Everybody knows who I am."

    The teller said, "I’m sorry, Mr Shorten, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."

    Getting a bit agitated, Shorten snapped, “C'mon woman, I’m urging you, please, to cash this cheque…"

    The teller said, "Look Mr Shorten, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods, he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque.

    "Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racket and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his cheque. So, Mr Shorten, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you?"

    Bill Shorten stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank… there’s nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do… and I don't have a clue."

    With a big smile, the teller said, "Will that be large or small notes, Mr Shorten?"

    Abbott needs a war.

    Shorten needs a mine disaster and an ambulance to ride in.

  19. Florence nee Fedup

    I suspect when Shorten has that battle to fight, he will come out on top. As Abbott becomes more desperate, he will turn to Shorten with a personal attack That is all he knows how to do,

    Shorten with the likes of Albanese and others behind him, will not take a step backward.

    Abbott is getting to the point, where words and slogans are not enough. He has to put legalisation on the table. He needs some runs on the board.

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