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Danger UXB

The ticking bomb that is the L/NP

Now that we’re safe from Labor’s retiree and death tax grab, their planned theft of our hard-earned franking credits, their promotion of gender-fluid lifestyles in our kindergartens, their confiscation of our utes and their freeing of hoards of Muzzy murderers and rapists to roam our streets we can relax and hit the complacency button. That was a close call. Now we’ll have three more years of stability and better economic management with the adults still in charge.

“I don’t like irony and sarcasm very much. But I do like it when you think someone is telling you a joke, and then you discover it’s serious.” (Jens Lekman, Swedish musician, possibly picking up on the vibe from Menzies House).

Karma. It could be a thing. Nature seeks balance in all things so for the sake of my blood pressure I’m going to suspend my innate scepticism of things metaphysical and trust that this abhorrent aberration trading as the L/NP government is going to cop their comeuppance in the near future.

The idea of karmic retribution has its appeal as a sign that there is some natural, noble force that will intervene to restore decency, honesty and integrity. The L/NP’s inherent nastiness will bring them undone – according to the theory of karma what happens to people happens because they caused it with their own actions. It’s not too far removed from Newton’s third law after all.

The L/NP is a mob of bickering shonks and imbeciles who’ve spent the last six years setting fire to their own hair. The less loony among them saw the forced departure of their chief pyromaniac as a blessing -Tony Abbott, the self-immolating arsonist-in-residence, can now spend some time putting out fires in the bush instead of starting them on his head. But although Abbott is gone his destructive legacy lives on in the internal hatreds and vendettas.

A forgetful and complacent electorate will be reminded of just how poisonous this cluster-fuck of Yorricks can be.

All aboard the blunder bus

The electorate, so damning of Labor’s Rudd/Gillard/Rudd idiocy that they opted for a known imbecile as an alternative, was for some incomprehensible reason forgiving of the Abbott/Turnbull/Morrison fratricide. Perhaps the voters thought sticking with the latest guy would put it all in the past. Cue one mendacious megalomaniac – the head-polishing appetite suppressant Peter Spud-Dutton, wanna-be PM.

Potato Blight

A tuberous Bond villain of cadaverous countenance who has pushed the Peter Principle well beyond its design limits Spud has, ala Abbott, a delusional belief that it’s his destiny to be PM. The shank he’d prepared for Turnbull is ready at hand, waiting for Morrison to turn his back.

Spud-Dutton was contacted to confirm his timing but no response has been received to date.

Spud-Dutton’s program to entrench his tuber-topian surveillance state, so dear to his cold, dead heart, will continue to be spoon-fed to the credulous and timorous on the presumption that the rest of us are too busy with property portfolios and franking credits to care. Being unburdened with IQ, subtly or nuance our potato-headed punisher’s over-reach baldly (eh! eh!) repudiates the Lib’s own foundational ideology of individual freedom.

We can expect increasing blow-back when his sadism, such as denying a birthday cake to a 2 year old held in immigration detention, starts to turn more stomachs. Creeping totalitarianism has had a long fuse but it’s gonna blow. Tormenting toddlers is too much for all but the most psychotic of Spud’s fans.

Black Angus

If the Libs ever manage to devise a scheme for privatising the sun, wind and waves we’ll see a Road to Damascus conversion to renewable energy in the Tory ranks. Until such time they’ll continue to monetise the environment via their coal gods.

Bloody-minded contrariness, bastardry, denialism, greed and chronic stupidity are the congregants’ merit badges in the Lib’s broad church of loons, mammon-worshippers, medieval dogmatists and “exit through the gift shop” Jesus-merchandisers. Nothing makes this plainer than Scooter Morison’s appointment of Well Done Angus Taylor as Minister for Energy (the “Coal” in his title is silent).

Well-done Angus has the required vandal cred – diverting our water resources into the Cayman’s cash- registers of opaque foreign profiteers while the rivers run dry, fish die in their millions and country towns wither.

The climate is a ticking time-bomb with the world watching the count down. Angus has gone full-Abbott and is priming the detonators.

Barmy Juice

The IED of Oz politics, a bloviating blatherskite and object d’ridicule, an Alfred E Newman look-alike in a boutique Akubra whose peurile gibberings have become a mainstay of six years of political farce, the Beetrooter can be relied upon to drop a log or two into the L/NP’s handbag.

Michaelia Carcrash

A helmet-haired harridan with a voice like fingernails down a blackboard Carcrash should be an incentive for the Lib’s to re-introduce the scold’s bridle as part of their dress code.

With all the charm of a rusted cheese grater and an aversion to accountability this duplicitous bog wallah’s determination to undermine the rights of every-day workers will see her as a constant reminder of the feculence at the core of the Nasties.

The reserve benches

There are any number of other finger sniffers whose best work was left in cubicle 3. While not allowed the unsupervised use of scissors they have been given matches and they have petrol. Just two examples:

Susssan Ley’s biggest contribution to politics was to add an extra consonant to her name upon advice from a numerologist. A professed environmentalist who plans on slashing “green tape”, denies rampant land clearing is contributing to extinctions and wants environmental flows in our distressed rivers to be diverted to agriculture, and

Michelle Landry, a window licker from Capricornia who thinks coral bleaching is the lady who made the scones at her last fund raiser. Windows Landry will have some explaining to do when the promised jobs at the fully automated Adani mine don’t materialise.

* * * * *

In addition to the personalities there are big issues fizzing away. Putting aside the tanking economy and a Treasurer on L plates, the hysteria to accompany the straw man of religious freedoms will be used to animate the bigots and homophobes. Demanding tolerance of their intolerance they seek revenge for their failure to manipulate the marriage equality plebiscite. Screeching from the front pages of newspapers, TV screens, pulpits and parliament that their freedom of speech has been taken away they will simply be megaphoning their spite and meanness to a mostly secular and fair-minded audience and they will re-ignite fires within their own party ranks.

Government by thought bubble has been in operation for six years. With no ideas and no vision, no foresight and no aspiration the crises will build, blindsiding a rag-tag assembly of colander-hatted science deniers and nose pickers whose only recourse will be to blame Labor while fellating the Senate to allow for the shovelling of more largesse to their chums. The demands from the Ginger Whinger and her feral homunculus Malcolm Roberts should provide some comedic relief.

Anyone thinking we’ll have three years of calm, considered and competent governance is in for a rude shock. What chance it will all blow up in their faces and we get an early opportunity to correct the mass madness of just last month?


UXB: Unexploded bomb.

IED: Improvised Explosive Device.

Newton’s third law: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.


This article was originally published on

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  1. Florence Howarth

    This PM won’t wait three years for an election. Only sense one can make of Corman daily whine that Labor must respect the will of the voters by voting for whole tax cut package that takes us to 2024 & beyond. If not, Labor will be responsible for the recession we will have if the legislation is not passed. At the same time, he is not talking to anyone, won’t make any deal.

    They seem to have gone into hibernation even before parliament sits.

    My guess the decision has been made to accumulate a chest of DD bills with the intention of calling an election as soon as it is possible.

    What Corman is ignoring, it is he not respecting the will of the voters. It is he who is refusing to work within the parliament that the voters duly delivered according to the Constitution. If he has the mandate he claims, he will have the numbers on the floor of both houses.

    Problem is in reality voters have rejected policies of the major parties.

  2. Josephus

    The brilliance of your collective anger and your clever manipulation of words well illustrate your fury at the stupidity and cupidity of this lot- hello Signals Directorate, come and take my furniture, much of it from Ikea I am sorry to say…
    Never over estimate public intelligence such as that evidenced by an articulate old lady who told me she voted Lib because Labor was going to abolish Medicare! Er, Hawke…. I ventured, then gave up seeing her wilt and glaze over like stir fried bok choy.
    For me the worst is the apparent police and Dutton minions’ right to where necessary INVENT e mails to make a case against those who leak armed forces’ murders, who out ministers who spy on foreign governments, not to speak of the serious mental health crises in our offshore prisons , the meanness of banning a cheese cake for a toddler!
    Behrouz Boochani writes of a couple of inmates he observes playing draughts with bottle tops, when a burly white guard comes along and says you are not allowed to play games here, overturning and destroying their impromptu game. What a psychopath – and that costs us millions and millions. Paladin must be properly exposed , Ministers responsible sent to prison.
    Now send the van, you repulsive low lives.

    When I read such things I think, roll on extinction of the human race.

  3. Grumpy Geezer

    A good point Josephus about the dodgy deals like Paladin. We can’t expect anything from the Lib’s private police force, the AFP, but if the journos are now thinking of doingt their jobs what can the uncover?

  4. Phil

    It is only early days yet but, the people of Australia will rue the day they gave this coterie of social misfits, thieves, shysters, gibbering imbeciles and other assorted zombies with afflictions that plague mankind, another guernsey to run Australia Pty Limited.

    Act in haste repent at leisure. I will bet on the lives of my grand children and yet grandchildren to be born, this mob masquerading as a government will bring this nation to it’s knees. When the ATM’s stop spitting out the cash to the unemployed, the sick and the other waifs and strays, they start shutting off the electricity and water, violence is coming in spades to this fair land. Anyone not cognizant of the fact, police and other authorities are not gearing up for this eventuality, check your pulse you may well be dead.

    This will be a gift for the rancid right wing pustules of syphilis running the show. It will bring down laws that they have only thus far dreamed of. 1984 will have the equivalence of ‘ The Wizard of Oz’ I have friends (hard to believe I know) who are prepping for the worst case scenario right now.

    Anyone been checking their local shopping areas lately? The writing is on the wall.

  5. Phil

    metaphors, glorious metaphors – one after another – so needed – their days are indeed numbered… are ours when they blow up, unfortunately

  6. johno

    It’s looking like the glass is half empty, or am I missing something.

  7. Terence

    Grumpy Geezer

    A wonderful exposition of the power of the English language!

    However, Newton’s first law is of concern: Every object in a state of uniform motion will remain in that state of motion unless an external force acts on it.

  8. Ross

    I’ll preface my comments by saying my politics are way to the left of the Labor Party.

    While articles like this are entertaining and useful for morale, as a likely guide for what’s going to happen and how we should respond I’m not sure they hit the mark.

    Morrison is actually pretty secure as leader. He won an ‘unwinnable’ election virtually on his own and the Liberal party now have rules making it far more difficult to remove an elected leader. They have been elected with no platform except unaffordable tax cuts which mostly benefit the rich.

    The big question for me is how to respond. For me there are two big things we can’t afford. One is three more years of inaction on global warming. The other is massive tax cuts that prioritise the wealthy.

    The way to fight these is not to wait for a dysfunctional government to break out in infighting – but to do everything we can to cause good change ourselves – by direct action and protest or by getting involved in progressive political parties or action groups.

    The last time I can remember in my lifetime Labor unexpectedly losing an election they were expected to win was in the late 1960s when the big issue was the Vietnam war. The next three years involved the most protest I can remember in my life time. As a 15 yr old I got arrested at one of the anti-Vietnam war moratoriums. I remember it well. We then elected the most reformist government in our history – and so many things conservative would like to get rid of – like medicare – had their beginnings in that government. We should remember that history. If only Labor would remember that history themselves and not get wedged by this ugly government.

    We didn’t wait for the Liberals to fall over – although they did a good job of it (they were hopeless just like now).

    It is likely we are heading for a major recession (though Trump will do everything to delay an international recession until after next year) and the surplus will be a fantasy. If the tax cuts to the wealthy go ahead the amount of cuts to essential programs needed to fund them will be huge. We are in for ugly times I fear…. so get involved, support each other and don’t wait for the crazies running our country to fall over.

  9. crypt0

    i think my opinion of the collective electorate hit a new low when Howard got re-elected, and then re-elected again … I didn’t realize then how much lower we could go with first Abbott, then Turnbull and finally Morrison … surely that’s bottom of the ocean stuff, lower than which it is impossible to go?
    But then of course Dutton waits in the wings … and a few others … so somewhere over the next three or perhaps six years we may well set new lows, unlikely as that may seem at the moment.

  10. Jon Chesterson

    When truth is no longer truth and satire not satire. I think the level of destruction on our society that will be unleashed over the next three years by Morrison and his LNP marauders will be unprecedented in over 230 years – What the British empire did to Aboriginals, what we are still doing will become our own medicine. Time to buckle your belt and experience the torture chamber of Liberal horrors everyone, even the unbelievers will be screaming in tongues when our morons in chief have discharged their bile and boils.

    This is not the satire you think it is, but the truth. But no-one seems to recognise what the truth is any more.

  11. New England Cocky

    @GrumpyGeezer: I think it is most unfair for you to compare the Nat$ Adulterer-in-Chief with Alfred E Neumann, the first media personality to condemn the Vietnam War for what it was; imperialism by the USA (United States of Apartheid) at an enormous cost of the lives of mainly Afro-American and Australian servicemen. Let we forget.

    Barnyard was elected in 2019 because Tamworth women supporting Adultery supported National$.

    The objective of the Morriscum Lazy Nasty People misgovernment is to create the worst national economy in the OECD within three years.

  12. wam

    All bombs need a detonator, grumps. Biggest bombs need a big bomb to start the reaction. Who provided the starter bomb for this sites’ reactions???
    What about the days of bush, blair and howard? What about the prospect of trump, boris and scummo?
    In such circumstances who gives a flying @^@^&&& about a rich retired copper, a mob of silly women and the righteousness of christian men?
    Remember when labor, lnp, phon and the loonies could have given everyone a tax cut by raising the threshold but they decided to give the tax cut to everyone earning more than $90k. ie them %@%^selves? Why?
    From my circle the lnp and loonies are safe from scummo’s economic stupidity as are the few rabid trolling lefties like me. Sadly, like josephus’ experience, my old widow group are all faithed up that the greens are going to destroy our way of life and labor will send us broke. Their faith in that truth makes me the liar for suggesting the canberra clp have doubled gillard’s debt, makes me indoctrinated by the devil in my atheism. They will suffer when the banks pay the top end of town in the next gfc and so will the dumb frankers.
    Fck I am lucky to be debt free and if my pension becomes sugar, flour, tea and a few srands of white ox, at least it will be in my own home.
    spot on terence inertia??? a body at rest etc and the corollary:
    a poll is accurate unless acted on by a birthday cake or a brown-eye. QED

  13. David Bruce

    I can foresee a terrible accident taking out the perps based on them getting blow-back from what they put out. If ScuMo, Spud, the L-plate treasurer and Korman were suddenly not here, I wonder how events would unfold? Perhaps the department heads will keep up the good work?

    It has always been like this in Australian politics as long as I can remember. What makes it different today, is the short amount of time it takes from the brain fart to the Tweet and Headline news. Tweets can be a grenade in a crowd when the likes of Murdock, Trump and other twits let loose.

    As I watch and read about the events unfolding in Australia and the rest of the world from the comfort of the lagoon lodge on a delightful south pacific island, I feel lucky to be alive. With no sign of sea levels rising, no threat of 5G and healthy food and lifestyle, it is just like the time I was growing up in Australia. Things have changed so much in the last 50 years it makes me wonder if people will still be here in another 50 years. Now I will go and sharpen my pitchfork…

  14. Phil

    ‘. With no sign of sea levels rising, no threat of 5G and healthy food and lifestyle, it is just like the time I was growing up in Australia. Things have changed so much in the last 50 years it makes me wonder if people will still be here in another 50 years. Now I will go and sharpen my pitchfork…’

    No sign of sea level rising. I see so that means in your world, it’s not happening. Bullshit.

    Note the picture in this link, this again in your world is probably a fake.

  15. Keitha Granville

    Love the sarcasm and I had a good giggle – but I’m actually crying because it’s real.

    My particular favourite moniker is Michaelia Carcrash, although I actually prefer fingernails down the blackboard

  16. Kaye Lee

    Another great article GG. You have a way with words that makes me smile which is a pleasant change from the jaw-clenched teeth-grinding this government causes.

    Commentators keep calling the Coalition win ‘decisive’ and ‘resounding’ – Leigh Sales did it again last night. Will no-one point out that almost 60% of the population did NOT vote for them and therefore they have no automatic mandate and, as Florence points, must convince the other winners in parliament that their plan is in the best interests of the country.

    Their refusal to detail the actual impact of the tax cuts and who they will benefit is arrogant in the extreme. I sincerely hope the parliament does its job and insists that they cannot vote on something without the full information being available to them.

    I would love to hear Labor talking about opportunity cost – what could be done with the money instead of giving people earning over $200,000 a gift of $11 grand which will make no difference to them but a hell of a difference to the budget bottom line. Wealthy people will just use that money to invest in more shares or another negatively geared property which will do nothing to stimulate the economy. If we increased Newstart and wages on the other hand…..

  17. New England Cocky

    @KL: An excellent suggestion, but sadly it appears the nobody sensible at ALP HQ reads AIMN.

  18. Matters Not

    Re this mandate nonsense we hear about again and again. Parliamentary kingmaker Rex Patrick from Centre Alliance sums it up:

    “Claimed mandates have short half-lives. In a few months, the word “mandate” will have largely disappeared from the political and media lexicon. Mandate season will have come and gone, consuming ink and internet bandwidth, but without much effect.”

    Yes, then the political reality will rest on the numbers – as it always does. And currently the LNP have the numbers in the HoR. End of argument.


    Rex Patrick has insight. Not to be dismissed, laughed at, chaffed at or mucked about with. Refreshing

    Mandates are for the mentally challenged. Have no claims to legitimacy in the realpolitik.

  19. Grumpy Geezer

    Cheers Kaye Lee. If we don’t laugh at these contemptible bastards we’d take to the drink or to the streets. Hang on…..that second bit? And beers afterwards perhaps.

  20. Michael Taylor

    Well you’ve made Carol and I laugh, which is worthy of a prize.

    You cigar is in the mail.

  21. Wayne Turner

    Yet them and their MSM will “blame Labor” – And the gullible fools that continue to vote for the COALition and/or the other right wing parties will fall for it. AKA Labor are apparently the World’s MOST powerful Opposition,in fact so powerful,they are more powerful than the government.

    So many idiots in this country,and sadly those that need to read sites like this,NEVER will 🙁

    Poor fellow my (dumb) country.

  22. James Cook

    Thanks GG. Clever, witty and fantastically accurate. However, I still have no faith in the MSM to hold these bastards to account. As someone said, even Leigh End-of-Year Sales is sucking up to the LNP. “Journalists” [in inverted commas because the are merely stenographers] will not research, question or even raise eyebrows over Coalition lies. Until they grow a conscience we’re stuffed!

  23. Grumpy Geezer


    Ah, Fiona. I remember her from the Invective Collective. We traded insults. I swapped my ‘feculance’ for her ‘pompous overstuffed handbag’.

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