“My name is Samad Abdul and I’m from Pakistan. I have been detained illegally
for years in a place where it’s so easy for hope and dreams to be demolished.
I wasn’t a writer but this place made me a writer. My pain made me a writer.
Although I can’t take my dreams from the people who destroyed them, I will
use my words as a weapon and will not allow them to destroy more dreams.”

There is always a fight between pain and hope. Pain is very powerful but hope has the huge support of passion and motivation. These two qualities work hard to control the pain. Unfortunately, they can’t kill the pain, only dampen it for a while.

The day my feet stepped into this illegal Manus Island Detention Centre where I am indefinitely and illegally held, my torture began. Instead of my life getting better, becoming safer, as I had hoped for when seeking asylum, it is getting worse. My hope has been demolished.

A refugee is a person who has left his/her family, friends, memories, and happiness, and the only dream he/she has is to be protected, to find some happiness again and to be loved again.

I sought asylum in Australia, on Christmas Island but was forcibly moved from Christmas Island to Lombrum in Manus, PNG 41/2 years ago. In the past weeks, again I was beaten, abused, scared, terrified and forced to move to another indefinite prison camp, this time in Lorengau on Manus.

Displacement of people is a global crisis and a strong and unkind government is making a horrible example of my body and life to pass their horrible message to the world. I am being used for the political benefits of others.

If I described my pain what words could I use? It’s like someone is drowning at sea and he doesn’t know how to swim.

We have already told both the PNG and Australian officials many many times that we didn’t come to PNG and we don’t want to live here. We were forced here against our will.

I have survived and suffered for years just to convince the authorities that I deserve to be free in a safe and independent environment where I can rebuild my life, where I can go to university, where I can study Human Rights, where I can become a social worker, where I can become helpful for helpless people, where I can play cricket, where I can play different games.

Nothing is as painful as staying stuck in a place where you don’t belong.

My passion and dream to be a professional cricketer has been taken away from me and my life has become a horrible example for the people who will seek asylum in the future. My body has been used so that they will accept their deaths in home countries, so they will not seek asylum.

This horrific policy was made to punish innocent people and to use them as hostages to pass horrible messages to others. It is totally inhumane, unconstitutional and unacceptable.

We need care, not detention.
We need help not fences.
We need support, not torture.
We need love not hate.

Darkness has its own fear but my dark fear is full of the fear of being used in a political game.

I’m a human just like you guys. My life should not be used for political benefits. I have rights to rebuild my life again, not to be used by others but to grow with hope, passion, and motivation.

POSTSCRIPT

I know pain, and what it looks like. Let me end the pain of the world.

When we choose ourselves for others we will be blessed with the great gift of satisfaction, hope, happiness and love, the gift will be with us forever.

Early in the morning, the sunshine on our faces brings happiness & motivation.

At midnight, sharing our day with the beautiful moon and the lovely stars brings relaxation and comfort.

Let’s learn a lesson from the sun who is shining for others.

Let’s learn a lesson from the moon and stars who are lighting for others.

Here is our hope.
Here is our passion.
Here is our motivation.

 by Samad Abdul

With support from Writing Through Fences