Twenty-five bullshit excuses from the Coalition

Twenty-five bullshit excuses from the Coalition.

1. Private companies should not have to reveal how much tax they pay because they might get kidnapped.
2. The carbon tax was a great big job-destroying tax on everything that drove up the cost of living (as opposed to a GST).
3. The appointment of Tim Wilson to the Australian Human Rights Commission and Sophie Mirabella to the board of the Australian Submarine Corporation, were made on merit.
4. Increasing the price of cigarettes is an attack on the poor (as opposed to raising the GST and cutting family benefits).
5. Offshore detention saves lives as does setting boats adrift on the high seas. Paying people smugglers to return asylum seekers to Indonesia is helping to smash the people-smuggling trade.
6. Bombing foreign countries saves their citizens from being shot and stops radicalisation at home.
7. The federal government can’t release material showing the detailed impact of planned cuts to family payments because it would take bureaucrats too long to review the documents.
8. We will meet our target of reducing emissions by increasing our emissions by less than we would have before. We cannot have a more ambitious target until the rest of the world agrees to take action.
9. The emissions reduction fund will not lead to big polluters increasing emissions because of the safeguard mechanisms (which don’t actually impose any penalties).
10. Spending hundreds of billions on strike force capability fleets of submarines and jets will keep Australia safe (and has nothing to do with promises made to foreign leaders).
11. We must increase our production of coal exponentially to lift millions of people out of poverty (even if they aren’t connected to the grid). Plus our coal is cleaner.
12. We must let the people decide about marriage equality (as opposed to other forms of discrimination which are legislated against or other laws that are passed with no consultation).
13. We can’t allow consultation to achieve Indigenous consensus on a referendum question about constitutional recognition because “it jars with the notion of finally substituting ‘we’ for ‘them and us’ and could lead to something akin to a log of claims that is unlikely to receive general support”.
14. The ABC is biased and should not receive public funding if they question what the government does. Whose side are they on anyway?
15. Allowing foreign companies to buy Australian businesses, land, infrastructure and utilities, then bring in their own workers and ship produce back to their home country under the new free trade agreements, which also remove protection on imports into Australia, will be good for Australian jobs…somehow.
16. The minimum wage and penalty rates are killing jobs but failed CEOs deserve their multimillion dollar salaries and all politicians’ claims for family holidays are within entitlements.
17. ISDS clauses in free trade agreements will protect our companies trading overseas but the carve outs protect us from being sued if we make health or environmental laws that interfere with profits – or not.
18. Giving bosses more money will lead to more jobs because we all know that supply creates demand . . . don’t we?
19. The Coalition NBN will be faster, cheaper, and quicker because it will use existing infrastructure. Unfortunately, that infrastructure is in poor repair and will have to be replaced which means it will cost more, provide a less reliable slower product, and not be finished any sooner than FttP projections
20. The debt and deficit disaster and our spending are all Labor’s fault and the fact that they are worse after three years in office means we should be given another three years to fix the problem.
21. We cannot afford a Human Rights Commissioner for the disabled but we can spend $600,000 on a part time wind commissioner to keep senate crossbenchers happy
22. We are the government of science and innovation despite the massive cuts in funding and job losses in the CSIRO and other research bodies
23. We are committed to tackling the scourge of domestic violence by having advertising campaigns while we close refuges, community support groups, and legal aid offices
24. Sacking 15,000 public servants saves money by, after paying their redundancy packages, hiring them back as consultants at a much higher rate
25. There is a new government paradigm – the same old policies, but delivered in dulcet tones and with a smile. 🙂