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Surviving a Trump Presidency: The essential Guide to being ‘Trump-ready’

They said it would never happen. From comedians to serious commentators, Donald Trump may have been leading in the polls – but when it came down to it, they said that the American people wouldn’t actually vote for him. But that was 2015, and following some actual real voting over the last month, the narrative has now shifted from ‘they aren’t going to elect him‘ to ‘Can Donald Trump be stopped?‘.

As Super Tuesday dawns in the USA, a day which is likely to all but clinch the Republican Presidential nomination for Donald Trump, it’s time for us to face the somewhat concerning fact that unless there’s a drastic shift in sentiment, it is arguably now more likely than not, that Donald Trump will be elected President of the United States of America later this year. In the words of comedian John Oliver:

“Donald Trump is America’s embarrassing back mole. It may have seemed harmless a year ago, but now that it’s gotten frighteningly bigger, it is no longer wise to ignore it.”

It would be great if this didn’t impact the rest of the world – if we could just leave the Americans to it. Every country elects an embarrassing head of state from time-to-time after all – as Australia knows only too well. But the saying “America sneezes and the rest of the world catches a cold” is a saying for a reason. Although China recently claimed the title of “world’s largest economy“, the US is still the world’s second largest economy, and when their economy tanks, we all suffer. Further, with what could very well be the world’s largest stock-pile of weapons of mass destruction, the US can have a major impact on world peace – or a lack thereof.

The good news is that we still have time to prepare. To get you started, I’ve prepared this handy ‘Guide to surviving a Trump Presidency’ – a checklist for the rest of the world to use. It won’t be easy – but if we take action now, we may have some chance of limiting the damage.

Your Guide to surviving a Trump Presidency

1. Beef up your border security to keep ‘Trump-Dodgers’ out

Over the years, Trump appears to have worked hard to offend as many segments of the American population as he can:

That seems to leave only white Christian males who weren’t POWs. No wonder the Ku Klux Klan recently came out in support of Trump.

That’s a lot of American citizens left disenfranchised. When you also factor in Trump’s call to Americans to boycott one of their main sources of caffeinated beverages – Starbucks – there could be a lot of disgruntled Americans from early next year, looking to escape…

To protect your country against an influx of ‘Trump-dodgers’ from the U.S.A., you should review you border security to ensure it can cope with a mass exodus of American citizens seeking refuge. If you share a land-border with the US – Canada and Mexico, we’re talking to you – you’ll need to take extra precautions.

Canada has already started talking about building the ‘Great Wall of Canada’ for just this very purpose. Mexico should strongly consider following suit. The rest of us are protected by oceans, but should still look at beefing up border-security measures – just in case.

2. Stock up on gold bullion now*

Trump is obsessed with gold. He likes to sit on it, eat off it, put flowers in it, even wash himself in it. His houses and apartments are filled with gold – from cups, plates, lamps, vases right through to actual gold thrones for he, his wife and his youngest son to sit on. The same is true of his personal jet – where he even has gold fittings in the bathroom.


The White House becomes the Gold House

If Trump becomes president, it stands to reason he will want to decorate his latest possession – the United States of America – in a similar fashion. The White House could become the Gold House. The Statue of Liberty could get a shiny new gleam. The Golden Gate Bridge could become even more Golden.

However Trump decides to put his gold stamp on America, there could very well be a rush on gold supplies – so consider stocking up on gold bullion now*.

3. Evacuate low-lying property and install good air-conditioning

According to Trump, global warming:

was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.

Yup – in many ways Donald Trump is another Tony Abbott – but with the power to do damage on a far grander scale.

A Donald Trump presidency could see a rolling back of Obama’s policies that have aimed to reduce carbon emission to help protect the world from out-of-control global warming. Since the U.S.A is the second largest emitter of carbons globally, a Trump presidency could potentially speed up global warming and its flow-on effects – such as rising sea-levels and extreme weather events.

Countries should therefore consider bringing forward any plans you have to evacuate low-lying land (that will be impacted by rising sea-levels) as well as looking at installing air-conditioners to combat the impact of increasing temperatures.

4. Create your very own Trumpville

Trumpville According to a number of mental health professionals – including Harvard Professor Howard Gardener – Donald Trump is a textbook narcissist. This is relevant for the rest of the world because based on previous world leaders with this disorder – the likes of Stalin, Hitler and Sadam Hussein – a narcissistic leader:

  • Has a grandiose sense of self-importance and requires constant admiration from those around him;
  • Plays to win at all costs – there’s no ‘win-win’ in a narcissist’s language, only ‘win-lose’; and
  • Lacks any sense of empathy – enabling them to undertake horrific acts against those who don’t support them.

Further, Trump is hardly the most popular Presidential candidate outside the US. The British Parliament recently spent three hours debating whether or not to ban Donald Trump from entering the UK following his ‘hate speech’ against Muslims. Despite calling him a “fool” and a “buffoon” they decided not to ban him – not because they are happy to allow him into the country, but because of the importance of freedom of speech.

In regards to the Middle East, Trump’s tactic appears to be to ‘screw’ them over and “bomb the hell out of” them. Continuing on to Asia, and Trump has already made it clear that he wants to go head-to-head with China saying “I beat China all the time” – and claiming that as President he will take back ‘money’ and ‘jobs’ from China.

If Trump does become president, he will literally be Commander in Chief of the largest military in the world with what could be the world’s largest supply of Weapon’s of Mass Destruction, not to mention the army of unmanned militarised drones at his disposal. Further, one of his policy platforms is to make the U.S. Military even stronger, despite the fact the US already spends nearly four times more than any other country on defense.

The safest way to survive a Trump presidency is to pander to his weak-spot – his sense of self-importance, his ego. Countries should consider naming a town after him. It doesn’t have to actually exist. Just pop-up a sign with ‘Trumpville’ or ‘Trump town’ on it in the middle of nowhere, add it to a few maps and tell him it’s the best location in the country. Hopefully this will be enough to soothe the narcissistic beast, and get him to keep his trigger-happy “you’re-fired” finger off the red nuke button. As a confirmed germaphobe, Trump is unlikely to want to visit Trumpville – but if he does, just tell him that half the town has a deadly newly form of flu virus, and he’ll steer clear.

5. Consider getting a bullet-proof vest if travelling to the US

With an average of more than one mass murder per week in the U.S and a rate of gun-deaths per capita beaten only by the likes of Uganda and Colombia, travellers to the U.S. are already at a far greater risk of death by firearm than if they were travelling to countries like the U.K., Canada, France, New Zealand or other countries shown in the graph below:


Firearm homicides per 100,000 head of population (2013) . Source: Global Burden of Disease Study

Rather than looking at how he can introduce tighter controls on the use of guns in the U.S. however, Trump has stated that he believes the answer to America’s Firearm Homicide rate is for more people in the US to own guns. Following a mass shooting at a Community College in October 2015, Trump even said “If you had more guns, you’d have more protection because the right people would have the guns“.

Given that America has by far the highest rate of civilian gun ownership of any country in the world – some 88.8 guns for each 100 citizens – you have to wonder exactly how many guns Trump thinks it will take to solve the problem.

Either way, if you are planning to travel to the U.S. after Trump becomes president, you may wish to pack a bullet-proof vest with you, just in case!

Final words of advice

If Donald Trump does become President of the United States, it will have a very real impact on the rest of the world – and it’s hard to see how that impact would be good.

Trump’s popularity would appear to be driven by the promises he’s making – to bring jobs back to America, to cut taxes, improve education and healthcare, and to end war once and for all by being bigger and tougher and bombier than anyone ever has been before. There’s nothing new about these promises – they are the typical things politicians promise to get elected. But just like other politicians before him, Trump’s promises – which suggest much higher levels of spending while at the same time dropping taxes – don’t appear to add up.

However, because many people see Trump as a successful businessman – rather than a politician – they seem to believe his promise to ‘Make America Great again’. In the words of one Trump supporter on Last Week Tonight yesterday:

“If [Trump] runs the country like he runs his organisation, we will be in good shape.”

Never mind that Trump actually inherited millions of dollars and that four of his companies have declared bankruptcy, or that independent Pulitzer-prize-winning website Politifact have checked 77 of his election statements and assessed 76% of them as being at best partially false and at worst ‘pants on fire’ lies. Enough of the American people are buying Trump’s spin that there is a very strong chance that he will be the Republican Presidential candidate, and then be elected President.

Trump has also been successful at using another common political ploy – appealing to a particular subset of the population who think that their lot in life would be better if only [insert name of group] were not there. Throughout history this ploy has been used against various groups – from the Jews, the Irish, the Chinese – and Trump is doing the same thing today, only against Muslims, Mexicans and others. And throughout history – this ploy has never ended well.

If Donald Trump does become President of the U.S.A. – and all hope is not yet lost – but if he does succeed in November this year, batten down the hatches, because no matter where you live, it’s going to be a rough four years for planet Earth. Here’s hoping we all make it through in one piece.

(*Not real investment advice – follow at your own peril!)

This article was first published on ProgressiveConversation.


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  1. Anthony Element

    An enjoyable and funny, really well written article.
    But we mustn’t confuse a Trump Republican nomination with the presidency.
    I am more certain than ever that a Trump nomination will guarantee another Democrat presidency.
    I say that because there are many thoughtful, good hearted conservatives in America. I disagree with their politics, but they’re genuinely good people who will be horrified at Trump’s values.
    If faced with voting for either trump or a Democrat, a few will vote Democrat, but most won’t vote at all.
    I foresee the lowest Republican voter turnout in history if Trump’s the GOP choice.
    And that can only be a good thing.

  2. Kate M

    I hope you’re right Anthony. Certainly based on historical patterns, since WWII, the US has pretty much alternated between a Democratic President and a Republican President. So if that patterns continues, the Republican nominee is likely to continue on to be President.

    However – if anything could potentially change that pattern, hopefully it’s Trump being the Republican nominee. But you just never know.

  3. kerri

    Great article Kate M.
    Like Anthony Element I see a lot of worth in remembering that so far he has only been chosen as the best of a bad bunch. Seriously to rednecks he has to be better than “daddy wants a cuddle” Cruz or “slogan wonder boy” Rubio. I just hope Hillary and Sanders don’t dilute the possibilities by infighting?

  4. Bronte ALLAN

    Here’s hoping that ALL “good thinking” people in the United States assert their right to vote against this scary, big-haired buffoon! Although the ‘states does have a history of electing hopeless, inadequate, dumb so-called politicians–just look at the Bush mob as a fine “example”–but it seems this idiot has said all the right words to attract the red neck, quasi-nazi, in-bred, illiterate, gun toting, “white only loving” species–of which sadly there are millions in the USA! Not much joy for America & especially, the rest of the world, if this dope gets to be President!

  5. Kate M

    Bronte – exactly. Bush’s gungho attitude to defence created ISIS and has caused untold deaths – and all for fabled WMDs. I’m expecting even worse from Trump

  6. diannaart

    Hoping the rational person’s impossibility of a President Trump will result in the destruction of the ‘GOP’ – these control freaks are not only wrecking the USA, but their theatrics are harming my l’i’ corner of the world and that really pisses me off.

    If Trump is elected Prez – I suggest a campaign for free Kevlar vests for everyone – especially for people without a gun licence.

  7. OzFenric

    When Trump steamrolls Super Tuesday, the Republicans are likely to fall in behind him. Any candidate is better than no candidate, particularly one with huge popular support, so we’ll probably see the party grit their teeth and attempt to moderate him. Combine that with Hillary Clinton as the Democrat candidate, and Trump’s chances rise exponentially. Expect to see a torrent of vitriol aimed at Clinton for her “misuse of emails” as well as her gender. The hopes for stymieing Trump are rapidly failing…

    The good news is that Trump will get so frustrate with his inability to do any of the things he’s promised that he’ll try to do things through executive power that he’s not allowed to do, and eventually be deposed after one term or possibly impeached. The danger is the damage he’ll do in the meantime.

  8. JeffJL

    Guys betting on Trump losing in the Presidential election should note that voting is voluntary in the US. Currently Republican turn out is higher than last election and Democratic turn out is lower. Food for thought.

  9. Kaye Lee

    George Christensen has thread on his facebook page that says
    “Where America goes, Australia follows. I firmly believe the time is right for the National Party to become THE Australian political party that stands for economic populism and “Australia first” nationalism.”

    He then links to the following article “Nationalism And Populism Propel Trump”

    “If Beltway Republicans think they can stop Trump and turn back the movement behind him, and continue on with today’s policies on trade, immigration and intervention, they will be swept into the same dustbin of history as the Rockefeller Republicans.

    America is saying, “Goodbye to all that.”

    For Trump is not only a candidate. He is a messenger from Middle America. And the message he is delivering to the establishment is: We want an end to your policies and we want an end to you.

    If the elites think they can not only deny Trump the nomination, but turn back this revolution and re-establish themselves in the esteem of the people, they delude themselves.”

  10. margcal

    >> with what could very well be the world’s largest stock-pile of weapons of mass destruction, the US can have a major impact on world peace – or a lack thereof.

    They’ve been working on the lack of world peace for many decades now.

    The full John Oliver piece is at …very funny – in a “slash your wrists if he wins” kind of way.

  11. diannaart

    Hilarious link, margcal.

    ‘Drumpf’ indeed.

  12. Michael Lacey

    “If Donald Trump does become President of the United States, it will have a very real impact on the rest of the world – and it’s hard to see how that impact would be good.” You could say that with any of the goofs that put up for the role. What effect has Obama had on the rest of the world- perpetual war, failed states, refugees, Terrorists controlling once stable countries, escalation of a cold war in Europe. The new breed coming on are no better Rubio, Cruz same guff! Then we have dear old Clinton Mrs war horse herself who has spent twenty four years orchestrating a conjugal relationship with Wall Street, to an immense financial benefit! She endorses using cluster bombs, toxic agents and nuclear weapons in US war theaters. She calls them deterrents that “keep the peace.” She was one of only six Democrat senators opposed to blocking deployment of untested missile defense systems – first-strike weapons entirely for offense, not to mention the total destruction and destabilization of Libya and interference covertly in Syria for the same purpose. Lets turn to Trump, who’s his foreign advisor, well at least he picked someone with some intelligence on world affairs who did not get a job with a war corporation, General Michael. T. Flynn.

  13. waypasthadenough

    As far as I’m concerned all the americommies are free to move to Australia. In fact I’m not asking. They need to GTFO because this is supposed to be a free country and the trash doesn’t belong here. And no, I’m not a Trump supporter. Fences work both ways. Search ‘iron curtain.’

    Rand Paul was the only one worth voting for but the half awake mush heads are doing the same thing the parasites did when they voted in the Marxist mutt, twice, on the promise of what’s near and dear to their hearts: a govt. check or a job or some benefit or the other. Demagogues come in all shapes, colors and ideologies. The hitlery having any supporters at all proves this since it should’ve been executed for treason decades ago.

    What they say during a campaign means nothing. Their records and affiliations, past and present, are all that matter. Questions for your candidate:

    The patriot movement won’t grow up until it learns to do three things:

    Stop worrying about what our domestic blood enemies, our greatest enemies that have white skin and aren’t hiding in a cave on the other side of the world, including the mainstream newswhores, say about us. The last one of them to stretch a rope after the war crimes trials will still be lying as its last filthy breath spews out of its upper sewer.

    Stop kowtowing to their “Liberal”(commie) trash ‘friends’ who vote to kill them every time they vote.

    Stop being cowards and start openly declaring what will be required to fix this mess if it can be fixed: an extensive and thorough “Liberal”(commie) trash season whereby we eradicate enough of our natural born statist/authoritarian vermin to restore Liberty and the Bill of Rights

    There’s no such thing as casual ‘friends’:

    Who’s our greatest enemy? Those who build the Trojan Horse or those who open the gate?

    Nothing will get better until we stop worrying so much about the fundie ragheads and start rounding up and at the least deporting our real enemies, our domestic enemies.

    So who or what is our real enemy? A tiny no. of fundies who manage to kill a few mush heads now and again or our own white home-grown “Liberal”(commie) trash that works relentlessly to disarm and thus fully enslave millions?

    What will we do when a commie SCOTUS rules it’s OK for the “Liberal”(commie) trash, our real enemies, to demand we ‘turn them in?’ How many cowards will comply? Those are the questions that matter.

    What’s an ‘illegal gun?’ Those two words are nowhere to be found in the Second Amendment.

    Was the Inland Center a ‘gun free zone?” Why is commiefornia still a ‘may issue’ state? Why do we seek ‘permission’ to exercise the most basic right any creature possesses, that of self defense?

    If the Marxist mutt and other commie extremists that call themselves ‘liberal’ and ‘progressive’ tell us to surrender our weapons and thus our most basic right, they’ll find out what blood really is.

    The most important ‘private property’ anyone owns is their own life, health, safety, and no one, anywhere, anytime has the ‘right’ to take that from them or deny them their most basic right, that of self defense.

    We all get the elected public servants the brain dead sheeple deserve.

    I’ll vote for the candidate that will bring the troops home, activate the militias, and re-invade and re-conquer commiefornia and the other commie enclaves on the left and East coasts.

    They’re not ‘leftists,’ ‘liberal’ or ‘progressive.’ They’re communists/globalists. They want us disarmed so we can’t kill them when enough finally wake up to the necessity of doing so.

    Our Liberty is dying because of our failure to hunt the “Liberal”(commie) and globalist trash to extinction.

    Free Kentucky Column: What must be done – A manifesto of the ‘isms.’

    Barry Bright: What must be done – A manifesto of the ‘isms.’

    Don’t understand my bad attitude? Start here:
    Governments will always be able to get guns so we must always be better armed than them.
    Act politically but prep for what history shows will have to be done. It’s way past time to prep for what will be required:
    Rules for the militia:

  14. Michael Taylor

    Waypasthadenough, your comment was caught in spam because of the number of links in it. The spam filter is set to trap any comments with x amount of links in them. You were not being moderated because you’re not a ‘commie lefty’ (your words).

  15. Michael Taylor

    But given that your comment suggests we kill people, perhaps it should have been left in spam.

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