Subs, Defamation And Perrottet’s Conflict Of Interest…

After years of confusion, we’ve finally worked out our order.

And no, we haven’t decided to go with the 12-inch sub because it’s a better value than the six-inch one. I’m talking about the AUKUS deal where we’re buying enough submarines to frighten a certain unnamed country from starting a war. And when I say a certain unnamed country, I mean unnamed by anyone making any announcement on what we’re buying and why. Apart from that, plenty of people have been speculating about war with China with some even suggesting that it’s inevitable.

Of course, if you go around saying something is inevitable, there could be a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, if you say to your partner that you think it’s inevitable that you split up in the next twelve months, you can hardly be surprised if you come home one day and find that the locks have changed.

All the talk of war with China makes me wonder how we’d be reacting if China was indulging in the same rhetoric. If we had members of the CCP and the media in China announcing that they think that war with Australia was highly likely, we’d probably regard it as a pretty aggressive act but when we do it, we’re just thinking out loud… Or perhaps, not thinking out loud because it’s pretty silly to think out loud when the very thing that you’re thinking is made more likely by the fact that you say it out loud.

Anyway, like I said we’ve worked out our subs order after many years of false starts. At first, we were going with the Japanese but then we decided to go with the French before Scott Morrison scuttled that deal, and as he proudly tells us, he managed to keep the whole thing secret from everyone from the media to Labor to his own Cabinet. He also tried to keep it secret from the Americans and the British until Jen explained to him that you can’t actually have a deal unless the other parties know about it, which led him to ask her if this applied to ministerial appointments before being distracted by a photo opportunity…

We’re going with a deal where the submarines need more submariners to operate them than we have, which will save money in the long run because we can subcontract the running of the subs out to private industry, thereby making it more efficient.

And speaking of more efficient, have you been following the Bruce Lehrmann defamation case? I need to be careful what I say here because after his time in the witness box, I’m worried that it might be defamatory to accuse him of being Bruce Lehrmann.

Anyway, he seems to have been even more efficient than Ben Roberts-Smith in establishing why one should always think twice before launching defamation action. Because it’s an ongoing trial I won’t say much more except to add that I’m not sure telling the court that they can ignore what you texted because you were fabricating a story for your girlfriend is the best way to establish your credentials as an impeccably honest witness.

While it’s true that the submarines will cost an enormous amount of money, I can’t help but feel that we have a tendency to look at too long a timeline with some things. The fact that this deal is over so many years means that the billions of dollars seems like a lot, in fact, by the time we get the actual submarines we’ll think that it would have been a bargain to have got them for that price instead of the trillion dollars that they end up costing.

Whatever, it’s good to see Dom Perrottet coming up with a scheme to help young people manage the future with his plan to give them all $400 upfront, with the government matching any future contributions from the parents up to $400 each year, until the child turns 18 when they can spend it on either a house or education. In line with Liberal philosophy, those who have a go, get a go, so if you’re poor and can’t afford to put in money for your kid then it serves you right when you don’t get anything from the government because taxes are meant to go to the lifters and not the learners.

I did have a few questions, like how much interest is this “future fund” getting and what happens if the $29,000 (or $49,000 if your parents put in the maximum amount each year) isn’t quite enough for a housing deposit in ten years’ time and you’re working so you can’t use if for education, and how ripped off are the kids who are over the cutoff age and get nothing when their younger sibling will get $400 just for being born later.

Of course, Mr Perrottet has seven children and while that’s his choice, it does seem that this future fund thing for kids does risk the charge of an enormous conflict of interest and I feel that ICAC should definitely look at it.

In a moment that’s stranger than something I’d write, during a debate the Opposition Leader and the Premier were asked to name their children in order of their ages. Given Chris Minns has less than half the number of children, this was a far bigger challenge for Perrottet and, if it had happened on the ABC it would have led to charges of bias.