Yes, we have a ‘roadmap’ all the way out of Covid NSW and Health Minister Hazzard is sprouting thought bubbles just like Morrison, now that we won’t be listening to him and Gladys every day – Less bags of wind and heaps more sun and fresh air. That will sort everything out all the way to Christmas. Hell let’s not wait till mid-October, we can start opening up right now – Hunger games are just getting started.
Boofhead Hazzard wants to open up Sydney and NSW at the peak of NSW and Australia’s pandemic (announced yesterday in the Sydney Morning Herald); Despite 1,599 cases reported in NSW, over 2,000 nationwide and before we are anywhere near 70% vaccinated (44.5% to be exact – not even half of the adult population). Hey boofhead how about more surfers and beach-goers on Bondi tomorrow where it all began, there were not nearly enough flouting the rules yesterday, police caught with their pants down and not a bad word said about it. Yeah, let’s roll it with seaside fanfare and beach ball, and bugger it let’s have a festival to celebrate, just as long as we keep Southwest Sydney, Western Sydney and few other unimportant regional and rural suburbs locked down out of sight.
Since the start of the Delta outbreak, there have now been 42,000 COVID-19 cases. A total of 1,164 people are in hospital with the virus, 221 in intensive care and 94 being kept alive on ventilators. Eight people died today taking the total dead for NSW to somewhere around 150 since the Delta outbreak began, can’t be absolutely sure on that one because it’s hard to find the figures on the NSW Health and government websites and they are not going to be updating us every day now.
Asked if he was concerned people will flock to the beach in Sydney amid temperatures pushing 30c, Boofhead Hazzard said “no”. Can you believe this guy? So let’s all have a party down on Bondi because boofhead isn’t going to let anyone in the Blue Mountains or rural NSW, where we have all followed the rules and haven’t seen a live case in our district since the Delta outbreak began. But hey, let it all hang out on Bondi because they are all so damn special in Liberal fields of downtown suburbia, where the sun, sea and surf meet to play with angels (the ones with wings not fins).
There are now 14,536 active cases in NSW and about 441 of them are in Eastern Suburbs. But boofhead said, “The most important thing is to stay alive” he said, “Please, please, please, do not run the risk of dying.” So let’s all party down in the fresh air, where it is safest, down by the sea. “Perhaps you’d like to swim with a few sharks on Bondi,” he said at the press conference, “because it would be a whole lot safer than standing around here with me every day at 11 O’clock in the morning”, he said with a wry smile. Nah I’m joking, he didn’t say that but I am certainly thinking it. But heads up, if you see boofhead in a coffee shop in Manly or The Rocks, don’t mention the Ruby Princess, he’s likely to let it rip.
As we enter the hardest phase of the current outbreak on Friday, the Premier announced the daily 11:00am COVID-19 press conferences would cease from Monday and that she and the Health Minister would only address the public on a “needs basis.” So all good here, no worries, don’t call us we’ll call you, needs not urgent we are told. NSW Health system is expected to see a surge in hospital cases and need for ICU beds and ventilators over the next few weeks, but don’t worry boofhead Health Minister and Premier have it all under control, confident nurses and doctors will cope, slave it away in their PPE to the dulcet tones and pep talks from 2GB radio and Sky News. So boofhead Hazzard says let’s get on down and boogie on the fresh air in Bondi. Sorry guys, Hawaii just a little too far away right now, and Sydney revellers not welcome on the Gold Coast or anywhere else inter-State right now.
Boofhead Hazzard acknowledged there was a supply problem with Pfizer that could delay the vaccination uptake for those under 18, bugger everyone else though from 18-40, especially if you are in Newcastle, Hunter, Wollongong or rural NSW, you’ll have to wait till Christmas before you get fully vaccinated, first appointments are running well into November and early December. Your allocations have all come down here to Sydney so the party down here can continue.
Just wondering though, is boofhead looking for an Australian nomination from Morrison for best NSW Health Minister ever or perhaps for his performance rebuffing and de-railing the Parliamentary enquiry last month speaking to the Public Accountability Committee into the NSW Government’s management of the Covid pandemic? Did you see his Oscar winning star performance, his spat, his magnificent temper tantrum before the Parliamentary Committee – If not you can see it here. Apparently the Chief Health Officer, Dr Kerry Chant works 18 hours a day and so, as her boss he admits to overwhelming and working her into the ground, what a misogynistic spotty nosed hyena! She couldn’t get a word in edgeways, in fact from where I was sitting it looked to me like she had been served with a NSW Health and Government Non-Disclosure Agreement, because he sure didn’t want her to answer any questions.
But whatever you do, whether you hang out on Bondi, sing the national anthem or hymns on a park bench or beach in Wakehurst with your hands high on a hill far away, tongues wagging with Morrison, don’t mention the Ruby Princess, because that will make boofhead real mad; and for heaven’s sake make sure you are wearing a mask.
NSW Health’s Jeremy McAnulty said the bulk of new infections were still emerging in Sydney’s west and south west, in particular the suburbs of Auburn, Greenacre, Merrylands, Liverpool, Punchbowl, Granville, Bankstown and Guilford. So they’ll be keeping them well locked down and policed and as far away way from the parties on the beaches of NSW. We’ve been told they are sending in food parcels, but nothing like Menulog or Uber Eats, God no, can’t have the private sector supply chain entangled and compromised from the leper colonies in the west, regardless of where it came from.
In response to news that former Prime Minister Tony Abbott was fined yesterday for not wearing a mask in public, boofhead Hazzard said the rules were for everyone, with no exceptions, well unless you are the current Prime Minister, an Olympic athlete or mining magnate, and of course a few exceptions apply to the Berejiklian Government surely, but Abbott wasn’t really a local hero, was he? “It does not matter who you are, whatever station you have in life, there are orders. Nobody likes to have these orders but it is to keep everybody safe and I hope people will comply with the orders,” said boofhead Hazzard. NSW Police said Mr Abbott was fined $500 for breaching the public health orders at the Manly Beach promenade after he was photographed by a bystander, who probably wasn’t his best friend. But Tony Abbott, just smiled in his boxer pants, shrugged his shoulders and said, “what the hell for the price of a few cups of coffee and a little more misogyny.” Nah I don’t think it was a police woman and he probably didn’t quite say that either.
So there you have it, all the news as it happens and a wide open road map to Bondi – Let the sharks out to join us in the public swimming pool. “Make NSW great again” said boofhead, “if only you’d let me finish… yes you I’m talking to you, you clown. I’m a busy man and I can’t stay here all day talking to you”. No, he didn’t say that, well yes, he did, but not yesterday, I mean ‘making NSW great again’, he didn’t say that… What was that you mentioned again, ‘The Ruby Princess?’ – No mate that is not part of the roadmap out of lockdown, that was something to do with Hillsong as I recall, nothing to do with us, we let them out a long time ago, talk to the PM on that one.
References
‘Fresh air is the safest place to be’: Hazzard raises easing more outdoor restrictions – Sydney Morning Herald, 11 September 2021 https://www.smh.com.au/politics/nsw/fresh-air-is-the-safest-place-to-be-hazzard-raises-easing-more-outdoor-restrictions-20210911-p58qsr.html
NSW Covid crisis: Brad Hazzard defends end to daily press conferences as cases and death toll worsen – The Guardian Australia, 11 September 2021 https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2021/sep/11/nsw-covid-crisis-brad-hazzard-defends-end-to-daily-press-conferences-as-cases-and-death-toll-worsen
Roadmap to freedom unveiled for the fully vaccinated – The Premier, Deputy Premier, NSW Government, 9 September 2021 https://www.nsw.gov.au/media-releases/roadmap-to-freedom-unveiled-for-fully-vaccinated
Brad Hazzard throws temper tantrum for six minutes straight – Remix Matrix, YouTube, 12 August 2021 https://youtu.be/SlZgvY-zHIc
Ruby Princess inquiry blames NSW health officials for debacle – The Conversation, 14 August 2020 https://theconversation.com/ruby-princess-inquiry-blames-nsw-health-officials-for-debacle-144512
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