The countdown is over! In proving that satire and a good laugh can lift our spirits in the darkest of political times, Number 1 goes to Rossleigh for this article from February.
Congratulations, Rossleigh. After a couple of runners-up you can finally pop the champagne corks. Well done!
Jenny Morrison Slammed For Lack Of Manners!
The other day I invited a couple over for a barbecue. Actually when I say that I did, it was, in fact, my wife who invited them, but never mind. We went to a nearby park where they have barbecues because I wasn’t going to use my gas on these people. Anyway, things were going along quite nicely until I told the bloke’s wife to go and get me another drink and she said, “Get it yourself, you lazy bastard!”
Well, I took to social media straight away and said what a rude bitch she was and how she lacked manners and I was always taught that when you’re in somebody else’s home… Or at least, in a park close to where someone lives, even if it’s not their home… Or rather when someone invites you… Ok, I didn’t actually invite her.
Yeah, I think you know where I’m going with this…
Spin doctors and the media are good at framing things so that you see a picture but don’t actually notice the wall it’s hanging on. And so, Mrs Morrison’s little dummy spit about Grace Tame on 60 Minutes has just been allowed to stand without the media pointing out some basic facts:
- If someone is your guest, it is extremely poor to point out their bad manners to everyone else.
- Mrs Morrison did not invite Grace Tame. She was invited as the outgoing Australian of the Year, and whoever did the invitations, it wasn’t Lady Macbeth or her husband.
- It was at The Lodge in Canberra. While some people have been arguing that the people of Australia own the place where Scotty and his loved one live and others have been saying that because they live there it’s their home, the fact is that Mrs Morrison lives at Kirribilli in Sydney. I have no information on exactly how many nights, she’s spent at The Lodge, but I’m willing to bet that Josh Frydenberg spent more nights there than her. (Remember how he and Scott were shacked up together and how Josh was explaining that they do the dishes after cooking because apparently there are no cooks, housekeepers or dishwashers, either human or mechanical.)
- Mrs Morrison seemed to suggest that she could no longer take holidays after the Hawaiian kerfuffle, but I’m sure that there have been photos of the Morrisons on vacation at Shoalhaven since then. Maybe she doesn’t consider anything within the Australia as a holiday and unless she’s taken to the April sun in Cuba, it’s just another day at the office.
Scott Morrison was very careful not to have a go at Grace Tame. He’s aware that another emotional outburst against a “civilian” like his Christine Holgate tantrum wouldn’t play well in the electorate. So, instead, he got Jenny to say it. You can be pretty sure that candid interviews with any politician’s family are stage managed to ensure that the partner doesn’t come out with something like, “Yes, we certainly had our problems when first met owing to previous relationship with a Hell’s Angel, but once Freddie went to jail I was able to kick my drug habit and I’ve settled to down to the extent that I only ever have a Gin and Tonic on nights when I’m going to the swingers’ event when my husband is in Canberra!”
I probably should add that I’m speaking generally here and, while I’m sure that you all know that I’m not referring to that good Christian couple of Scott and Jen, I feel I should add that if any politician’s wife does drink G & Ts and go to swinging parties, it’s pure coincidence and any defamation action would be an admission of guilt.
Anyway, it’s been a fiery last week in Parliament with The Speaker having the Standing Orders book open for the entirety of Question Time. (This is not a joke, have a look and you’ll see to him refer to it, every time Labor point out that his ruling is inaccurate.)
As we get closer to the election, everything gets a little more ridiculous except for Alexander Downer who has the saving grace that he could never get more ridiculous. He had a piece in “The Australian Financial Review” about the narrow path to victory for the Coalition. Among his pearls of wisdom was this:
“Too few of the current ministry are prepared to do that. Josh Frydenberg and Dutton cannot be left with Morrison to do it alone. Far too many ministers are just sitting in their offices drawing a salary and not getting out and selling the government message to the public.”
Now, I don’t know about Lord Downer, but I’m pretty sure that the idea that there are “ministers sitting in their offices drawing a salary” suggests to the average person like they’re not really working very hard and the only thing that they need to do is “sell” their message rather than any actual work in their relevant portfolio. Yes, that certainly makes me think that this is a party worthy of the slogan, “We don’t hold a hose unless we’re in the prayer room!”
Scotty and his band of merry men are anxious to suggest that Labor and the Greens are a coalition, which is a strange tactic given one of the criticisms of Labor is that they’re not doing enough about climate change. This strategy will undoubtedly play well to the people who think that Barnaby Joyce is articulate and clever, but it’s not going to win the second preference of anyone voting for an Independent because the Coalition think that committing to 2050 was enough and some future government can sort out how it’s going to happen.
Another line of attack is the suggestion that Anthony Albanese has never held an economic portfolio, which is strange from a party that would argue that every portfolio is part of the economy. However, I guess it’s also a way of putting a dent in Peter Dutton’s leadership aspirations and this may be why Josh keeps bringing it up. Still, I don’t see how being Treasurer while the country piles up more debt than it’s had in its entire history and presiding over the first recession this century is a better qualification for leadership than not ever being Treasurer.
The other line of attack on Labor is that they’re China’s preferred party in the coming election. As a line of attack, this could open up questions of which party do various other countries prefer? I mean would it be a recommendation if Boris Johnson were to say that the Liberal Party is the party he wants, so no more birthday parties! If Boris gives you the thumbs up and then is deposed, would that be a good omen? And will we ask Macron? Would Biden say, “Yeah, you should vote for that fella down under… You know the one that’s worn out the carpet next to his bed… from being on his knees… praying… I need to make myself clear. He’s a good friend to the US but not that good.”
Whatever, I’m not sure that slogan “A VOTE FOR LABOR IS A VOTE AGAINST WAR WITH CHINA!” is quite the vote winner that Dutton envisages…
So, what surprises will the rest of the week bring? A leadership spill? A minister sacked? A trip to Government House. (No not to call an election, just to see if David Hurley is still there or whether he’s moved on…)
Whatever, there’ll be no ukulele playing. The best we can hope for is one of the ministers on the fiddle.
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