Ok, I’ve worked in a variety of schools and the one I’m in at the moment has given me a photocopy budget of $10. The idea is that we put our resources online and try to be paperless. I don’t have a problem with this except that I’m also expected to photocopy tests and with four weeks to go on my contract, my $10 has run out and I now have to find out what I need to do in order to get this increased. I suppose that I could simply get them all to share the one test paper I have, but that sort of defeats the idea of doing a test and anyway that’s not the point. It made me recall a poster which speculated that the world would be better if schools and hospitals were well-funded and it was the military who had to hold a jumble sale to raise funds for their new fighter planes.
While there has been some criticism of the decision to spend $50 billion on submarines, it’s generally been dismissed as just a bit of a whinge from the usual suspects. To the best of my knowledge, I haven’t heard anyone explain why we need submarines apart from the fact that the ones we have are old, so we need new ones and a dozen seems a good round number. So, I sort of indulged in the politics of envy for a moment. I thought to myself – which is the way I usually think – why do schools have to justify every little thing while our defence forces seem to able to justify vast sums of money to purchase planes with more bugs in them than a David Attenborough documentary about insects.
Yep, image the military being run like a school:
“Permission to discharge the artillery, sir.”
“Hang on, Sergeant, those shells cost over a $100,000 each. What’s the reason?”
“Well, sir, the enemy is advancing and everyone’s used up this month’s ration of bullets.”
“Ah, well, it’s nearly the end of the month. Can’t they just hold out till then?”
“The enemy is getting quite close, sir. We thought a round of artillery just might slow them up until the end of the month.”
“Mm, I can see your reasoning. Why not you submit a proposal in writing and I’ll take it along to the next meeting of the finance committee and we’ll see if can squeeze out enough for a couple of shells.”
“With respect, sir, the enemy will be here by then. Couldn’t we perhaps fire the shells and justify it later?”
“Ah, I admire your idealism, but we need to be rational here. It’s not an unlimited budget after all and we’ve already increased spending and we’re yet to see an improvement in the results.”
“But sir, if we do nothing then we’ll lose our position on the hill and not only that some of our soldiers will be needlessly slaughtered simply because we were too cheap to give them bullets!”
“Now, now a good soldier doesn’t need bullets. It’s the quality of the soldier that counts not all this fancy equipment. Why my grandfather fought off an army with nothing but a rusty razorblade and a terrible flatulence problem. He was charged with war crimes over the use of chemical weapons but…”
“Sir, how can you justify the slaughter of our men when the battalion defending the east flank get to discharge their rifles whenever they like because they have unlimited bullets?”
“Sergeant, those men are private soldiers. Their parents pay for the bullets… That’s why they have enough left over to build that lovely fort in the style of a fourteenth century castle with a moat. Bringing them into this is just class warfare. I’m disgusted with you. We’re all fighting on the same side and it’s this conflict mentality that’s kept you from ever making lieutenant.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Now get back out there and inspire the men under your command. They’re counting on you, you know.”
Well, it’s nonsense, of course! We’d never do that to soldiers who are risking their lives to protect us.
Sick people and kids, on the other hand…
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