“Merry Christmas. Can I get you a drink?”
“God that makes me angry!”
“Me getting you a drink?”
“No, the fact that we’re not allowed to say ‘Merry Christmas’ any more!”
“But I just said it.”
“Yeah, but all these people trying to stop you… It’s political correctness gone mad.”
“Actually I’ve been saying it to people for a couple of weeks now and nobody’s complained at all.”
“Well, you’re lucky.”
“Why, have people been trying to stop you?”
“No, but I heard Dutton talking about this school where they’re not to sing Christmas carols because it might offend someone. And that person central to meaning of Christmas wasn’t allowed to be mentioned!”
“Jesus?”
“No, Santa!”
“So where was this?”
“I don’t know but it’s outrageous and you know who’s trying to stop us celebrating Christmas?”
“The Jehovah’s Witnesses?”
“What?”
“They don’t think that we should celebrate Christmas.”
“No, it’s those Muslims. They’re trying to impose their religion on us all and impose Sharia law.”
“What’s Sharia law?”
“I don’t know but it means that we’d all have to do whatever they wanted so I’m with Dutton and I think we should all insist that everybody celebrates Christmas just to show those people who’s in charge!”
“Who is in charge?”
“Well, nobody’s in charge any more and that’s the whole problem. Back in the good old days, when people broke the law the police would take them out the back and assault them so that they’d have respect for the law.”
“But weren’t the police assaulting them breaking the law.”
“Yes, but they were breaking the law in a good way, and in those days people respected authority. These days, if someone dies in police custody people want an enquiry. People are too soft. That’s why you’ve got all those people on generous welfare payments when there are plenty of jobs going.”
“Really? I thought that the unemployment rate just went up.”
“That’s because nobody’s prepared to work for under-award wages like those foreign students. Nah, they’d rather be on the dole living the life of Reilly!”
“Who’s Reilly? And isn’t it spelt ‘Riley’?”
“I don’t know but he apparently has a good life according to the story in the paper last week and that’s the way the Herald-Sun spelt it, so if it’s in the paper, it must be correct!”
“So if the unemployed are living the life of Reilly, whose life is Reilly living?”
“I don’t know. It wasn’t really all that clear. But I think that if they refuse to work they should lose their welfare payments.”
“Don’t they? I thought the government had toughened up the requirements for getting welfare.You’d think after three years that the current government would have done something about people being job snobs and instituted something like a work-for-the dole scheme!”
“I think they tried to but apparently all the unemployed are now on disability pensions. Tony Abbott was saying just the other day that it’s far too easy to get put onto a disability pension. He was saying that people with a bit of depression or a bad back were all able to get one and that it was ridiculous because things like that aren’t permanent.”
“Awesome!”
“What? You’re pleased that people are ripping off the system like that?”
“No, I’ve got a mate who broke three of his vertabrae and he’s been in chronic pain for the last ten years but it’s really great that I’ll be able to tell him that it’s not permanent and that he’ll be off the painkillers any day…”
“So when are you going to get me that drink?”
“Right now… Sorry, I just realised that I had don’t have any cash on me.”
“Well, haven’t you got a credit card?”
“Yeah, but I thought you said that people shouldn’t put things on the credit card.”
“Oh, that was last week. Apparently this week, the Treasurer confirmed that there was good debt and bad debt.”
“Right. So how do you know the difference?”
“It’s pretty simple. If you want to borrow money to buy yourself a drink, that’s bad debt. But when it’s for something that I want, it’s good debt.”
“Ah, is this related to the trickle-down effect that you were talking about last week? How did that work again?”
“It’s simple. If you have money and you spend it on me, that leaves me with more money and when I spend it, that helps the economy and when the economy is helped you eventually get the benefit.”
“Right, so when do I get the benefit?”
“Eventually.”
“Good, because I was begin to think that it was never.”
“Why on earth would you think that?”
“Because I’ve been the one buying the drinks since the 1980s and I’m yet to see the benefits because you never actually spend any of your own money.”
“Well, I actually own the pub so if I were to spend my own money here then that wouldn’t improve my bottom line and I may have to let people go.”
“But..”
“Look, just say ‘Merry Christmas’ and get me a drink and I’ll explain the rest to you after the next election… Or the next PM whichever comes sooner.”
