“I’m not in favour of changing the flag, I’ve got to say. Although I have to say that if the Commonwealth star was to be a 7-pointed star rather than a 6-pointed star, that’s hardly a massive change. I would say that that is an evolution rather than a revolution.”

Tony Abbott on the Northern Territory becoming a state.

OK, as I’m sure most of you know – and if you didn’t it’s probably been pointed out by several of those lefties who just pounce on every mistake that Tony makes – our flag already has a seven point star. Honestly, you’d think that people had better things to do than laugh at the Liberals every time one of them puts their foot in their mouth, then shoots themselves in the foot, luckily missing their brain. At the very least, you would have thought that those commenting on Tony’s mistakes would have given up through sheer exhaustion.

Personally, I think that there’s something in Tony’s “star” comment for Labor. They need to stop presenting alternatives and just argue that what they’re doing is hardly a radical change. After all, Tony Abbott is so unpopular – thanks to all those who laugh at him just because he’s reality challenged – that if the Labor Party can just keep Bill Shorten out of sight apart from when he makes an announcement like a fifty percent renewable target, they should romp in the next election by about thirty seats.

In practice, this would mean instead of talking about an emissions trading scheme, which the Liberals would argue is a carbon tax by another name, Labor should just announce that it’s increasing the GST, but only on carbon, which is really “an evolution rather than a revolution” and don’t we already have a GST, which John Howard said was his star achievement, apart from his daughter marrying his doppelganger? So it’s hardly a “big new tax” it’s just an extra point on the star of the GST.

As for as an asylum seeker policy goes, well, rather than having a big public argument, Labor should just announce that they’ll be doing all they can to stop boats arriving and people drowning at sea, and when asked whether that includes boat turn-backs, the response should simply be: “It’s been a long-standing bipartisan policy not to comment on operation matters.” Then, when in government, they could do what they like with boat arrivals. Turn them back, send them to Malaysia, create a regional processing centre for new arrivals in some undisclosed location, give them all helicopter rides back and forth to Geelong, whatever. They simply needn’t tell us!

If pressed while still in Opposition, Labor could simply say that they’re refering all comment about “on-water matters” to the weekly press conference held by Scott Morrison to keep us informed. If a member of the press should dare to point out that Scott Morrison stopped holding weekly press conferences shortly after telling everybody that he’d only be making comments at his weekly press conference, and, besides, Morrison is no longer Minister for Immigration, Labor’d have the option of asking, “Are you suggesting that’s why that boat penetrated our immigration zone – because Dutton’s not up to the job?” Again, after the winning the election, when Dutton’s no longer Immigration Minister, they could suggest that it’s not policy to comment on who is, or who isn’t Immigration Minister as it’s an operational matter and revealing such information could be an even bigger help to people smugglers than paying them to not pollute.

Oh wait, that’s the Climate Change Directionless Act policy that the Liberals had; not the pay people smugglers to take the boats back policy which they may – or may not – have had…

Anyway, my advice to Labor is to adopt the seven point star strategy, and now that the Clifton Hill branch has taken my advice by asking Bronwyn Bishop to speak*, I’m hoping to be taken on as a paid strategist. Or at the very least, the Liberals could adopt their Direct Action Strategy and pay me to stop writing.

Yes, like Tony, sometimes I just don’t see the point!

*The other day I wrote:

Mm, I wonder if she’d be prepared to go and speak at a Labor Party fundraiser if she were asked. After all, she is meant to be non-partisan and she did say that she went to Geelong in her capacity as speaker. There ya go, Bill. Don’t move a motion of no confidence. Issue her with an invitation… See if that gets you thrown out of Parliament; I’m sure that she’s trying reach 400 Labor ejections before September.

Yes, while it’s only the Clifton Hill Branch that seems to have taken up my suggestion, I feel that Bishop’s office should be flooded with requests for her to speak at fundraisers, just to give her the chance to show that she certainly wasn’t playing favourites by only speaking a Liberal functions.