First Dog On The Moon wrote that Tony Abbott was beyond satire. My immediate thought was it’s a bit like masturbation – if you think it’s impossible to do it to him, he’ll probably do it to himself.
This isn’t meant to be a criticism of masturbation, by the way! I’ve always thought of it as a bit like writing poetry. Most people will do it at some point in their life, but doing it in public and expecting people to admire your unique technique and your use of rhythm, requires either extraordinary self-confidence, or a special type of insanity. Or perhaps, in the case of certain public figures, a little of both.
As for Rupert Murdoch’s demand that Abbott sack Credlin, we have a strange diversion. (As an aside, I find it strange that Murdoch said “Leading involves cruel choices”. “Cruel” not strong or difficult. There’s a whole book there for some psychiatrist. As for “Tough to write”, I guess that’s why he become an owner rather than a journalist.)
The conspiracists among us will suggest that this is Murdoch’s way of saving Abbott. Abbott will surely refuse and by standing up to a dictator and supporting his woman (er, only in terms of being his Chief of Staff, we know that he has more than one woman in his marital home, which is what qualifies him as a feminist) Abbott is showing that Rupert isn’t pulling his strings and that he’s his own man, and that this a clever plan that they probably worked out while Abbott was on his way back from Iraq when he stopped off at a destination that none of us know about to meet Rupert, Peta, Wendy, Tony Blair and Elvis for lunch.
The other responses will be more confused. Some will argue that Credlin shouldn’t be sacked on Murdoch’s say-so and argue that Abbott should stand up to Murdoch. Others will argue that this is a distraction, it doesn’t matter what anyone does, we need to complain because Bill Shorten didn’t say anything about this, and Labor should change leaders. Others will say that there’s no basic difference between Liberal and Labor. A small number will say that Murdoch has it right for once. A couple will say that none of this matters and that the world is doomed and renewable energy won’t solve anything. One Abbott supporter will start talking about something even more irrelevant to any of this, like debt or climate change in the hope that he/she attracts all the comments like a chip to a bunch of sea-gulls.
But to me there’s only one clear, intelligent response to all this. That’s right – only one! Certain people (the names Tony, Peta and Rupert may spring to your mind, but if anyone adds Rossleigh, I’ll be very, very annoyed and you’ve blown your chances of a knighthood when I become supreme ruler) are starting to think that their opinion is the only one that counts. And that tends to piss people off, eventually. It’s fine when the opinion is that you deserve something far better than what you’ve got. However, once it morphs into I said you deserve better and you picked me, I’m it, so shut up, people tend to reassess a whole lot of things. I mean, whatever happens in the Queensland election this week, I’d feel pretty safe betting against an increased majority for Campbell Newman.
Whatever your views, I think you should petition Abbott and demand that I get the next knighthood. Tell him that this his best chance of survival. Yep, it’s not likely that he’d do it. It’s almost as unlikely as him surviving the year as PM. But it’d please my mum and she’s even older than Prince Philip. And if we’re talking about unlikely things, I think we could create a fairly long list if we started just three years ago, so anything’s possible.
