Ok, this has nothing to do with anybody who may have been accused of bribery in the news, so the title is a little misleading.
And by a little, I mean, completely.
But you should be really impressed with me because I’m being so upfront and honest. Just like the Abbott Government who apparently have put themselves right back on track according to the latest opinion polls which now show that – unlike the ones in the early part of the year – Tony Abbott is actually more popular than syphillus…
Yep, I was particularly impressed by an interview with some nameless Abbott minister in charge of somethingorother – I mean, she was a woman, so I’ve never heard of her before. Apparently there was an audit into Centrelink which found that a large number of calls are going unanswered, and that the wait time was a lot longer than the sixteen minutes that the government claimed.
This woman’s – sorry, that may seem sexist, I’ll start again.
This suddenly thrust into the limelight female minister’s explanation was that it was a legacy problem. From that, I presumed that she wasn’t trying to accuse that organisation that collects on Rememberance Day, but rather, it was her way of saying “Blame Labor”, which is now not just something that they do, but their latest three word slogan. (“Stuck in traffic? Blame Labor.”) Ok, pedants may point out that it’s only two words, but I’m happy to stand by my mistake. I’m not sure whether Tony was just having one of those days or presuming that he’d be thrown out in 2017 when he said that there was a lot of a bad government in those days between 2017 and 2013. (I’d post a link but surely there must be a video that’s going viral by now, and if not, I blame Bill Shorten! And surely someone will post a link to it in the comments section, even if it’s one of the Labor frontbenchers trying to demonstrate their loyalty to Shorten.)
However, when she pointed out that many Centrelink “customers” were now using apps and the like, so phone calls were less important than they once were. And the KPIs – that’s Key Perfomance Indicators, for the unwashed masses who don’t understand business lingo – showed that sixteen minutes was the average wait time.
Mm, sixteen minutes.
Mm, sixteen minutes.
Mm, sixteen minutes.
Mm, sixteen minutes.
Mm, sixteen minutes.
Mm, sixteen minutes.
Mm, sixteen minutes…
MM, SIXTEEN MINUTES.
MM, SIXTEEN MINUTES.
MMM, SIXTEEN MINUTES….
MMM, SIXTEEN F*CKING MINUTES….
SIXTEEN F*CKING MINUTES, GOD WILL THIS WRITER JUST GET TO THE POINT AND STOP WASTING MY TIME.
SIXTEEN MINUTES.
COME ON, GEEZZ…
sixteen minutes.
sixteen minutes – oh shit, I think I’ll just ditch my wheelchair, stop being old and get a job paying so much that my tax will be the disincentive to me working harder…
Oh, that’s an average by the way. So, if you found the previous sixteen sentences tedious and a waste of your time imagine if you were waiting for something really important. And remember that the average will be brought down by those calls early in the morning that get through straight away.
Customers, yeah, sure. Customers can take their business elsewhere.
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