No!
I’m sorry, I just can’t do it. It’s impossible to make Malcolm seem any more ridiculous than he actually is. I can’t exaggerate or make up anything that’s more absurdly pathetic than the clown we have as the token Prime Minister.
“I’ve always been prepared to put my money where my mouth is,” he told us, leaving us to wonder exactly why his mouth is in the Liberal Party coffers. But he didn’t go on to tell us that he put his money there in order to ensure that his government would get the opportunity to… (fill in the gap with “jobs and growth” or whatever slogan the Liberals parroted before the election). No, he put his money into ensuring that we “didn’t have a Labor government”! And we used to think that Tony Abbott was negative. But while his donation is pure and good, Bill Shorten should be ashamed because the unions donated to him and that makes him beholden to them. Whereas, in spite of his donation, the Liberal Party apparently don’t owe him anything.
Now, normally this would be a talking point, but Malcolm decided to push the envelope on “clean coal”. Because we’re a large coal exporter, goes the Turnbull logic, it’s a “no-brainer” that we should be pushing clean coal. The fact that there’s no such thing is irrelevant. When we talk about clean coal, we mean “cleaner” coal, and we have the technology to build brand, new shiny coal-fired power stations, because this is the way of the future because South Australia had a black-out and it was ALL the fault of wind energy because there have never been blackouts in states where coal is used to generate power. We need to look at the cost of renewable energy right now and compare it what clean coal might cost, if we invest a few billion dollars in the hope that we can make burning coal cheaper. And fracking, we need to start fracking.
It was like a heroin dealer arguing that soon he’d have clean, no addictive heroin, so there was really no problem and would these “do-gooders” stop trying to get people off the drug…
Then his assurance that company tax cuts would lead to a pay increase of $750 a year in the average worker’s salary. I wonder who did the economic modelling on that. Or was it just that it seems likely because whenever businesses get some kind of windfall, they put out a statement telling their shareholders that rather than increasing dividends, they’ve decided to pay their workers more because, after all, aren’t they the ones who really deserve it!
But I think it was his display over the phone call that makes me think he actually believes that he’ll still be PM at the next election. He actually thinks we’ll believe anything.
On Monday, Turnbull tells us that the asylum seeker deal was going ahead because President Trump had told him so. Today, when people are suggesting that this must have occurred after he hung up on Turnbull, our PM tells us that such calls are private so he won’t be commenting. So Malcolm can tell us that the call was warm and agreeable on Monday, but he can’t talk about what was in the call a few days later because such things are private. You know, like when he told us that if he had a problem with Trump’s travel ban, he’d do it in private because that’s what friends do. I guess Trump’s tweet today was meant to be private then. Or maybe he doesn’t consider Turnbull a friend.
Yep, Malcolm, you’ve done me. I can’t make up anything. You were stretching credibility when you told us that the Liberal Party didn’t have factions, but now you’re making Clive Palmer sound believable. What else have you got for us? Making Malcolm Roberts a minister, telling everybody that you know he’s not in your party but anyone with such a strong belief in quantifiable evidence just has to be included in our decision making? Or will you invest in Adani because you put your money where your mouth is, and coal has such a future?
I need a rest. Malcolm’s done me ‘ead in.
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