Spinocchio skirts the issue
Spinocchio Morrison the clueless MC from Announceables-R-Us has showed off the new org chart that is his disaster recovery plan. The women of Australia are revolting and the marketing man responded to his crisis like a marketing man does – by revamping the packaging. The LNP now comes in a choice of colours, swinging dick blue and sheila pink. Thankfully, during his pitch to the press Morrison resisted the urge to fondle his balls as a wink to his blokey-bloke base (“Play along, fellas. They’ve probably just got the painters in so they’ll forget all about itafter a box of Cadbury’s Favourites“).
As a demonstration of his sudden revelation of the value of women to the party Spinocchio has elevated several of the serving wenches to special ministerial status adding “women” to newly grandiloquent titles thereby cynically absolving the men from any accountability to half of the population.
First female Attorney General Excretia Borgia, the new chief law officer of the land and a fugitive from AFP interviews (whose public persona projects not so much lawyerly calm as ‘desperate crackhead haranguing her dealer for more credit’) has a somewhat soiled record when it comes to supporting the sisterhood. Who can forget the helmet-haired harridan’s screeching slurs against the women in Bill Shorten’s office with threats of “oil noime noimes”?
Excretia’s priority will be to provide cover for her predecessor the Xtian Porter against historical rape allegations which have conveniently been consigned to PMO Svengali Phil Gaetjens’s Penski file. The Xtian will now busy himself in his new role by persuing defamation action against our national broadcaster, claiming that he can be identified as the unnamed alleged rapist in the ABC’s disclosures of Tory sleaze by simply joining the dots. A rather bizarre argument for defending one’s reputation if you think about it.
Morrison’s marketing reflex kicked in with his anointing of a selection of heretofore handmaidens who have sought to thrive by being just as egregious as the men. Amanda Stoker, Anne Ruston and Jane Hume, the lipstick on the pig, will join Excretia in a taskforce to manage cultural change by making sure that privileged women don’t miss out on the largesse. A tag team of mini-Maggie Thatchers but without the personal warmth.
Contributing his blokey input Deputy PM Forrest Gimp, the bonus track on a Yoko Ono CD, was the go-to guy to explain how to try to not be a ballsack as a part of the Nat’s redemptive performance of newly found feminism. Gimpy used Barmy Joyce’s inflatable doll to demonstrate to the troops those places where it’s inappropriate to touch staff in an hour long mansplain (lunch break included). Gimpy’s empathy session covered his old talking points – comparing women’s soccer to an egg & spoon race, rampant homophobia and extolling the virtues of corporal punishment.
Some of the Big Swinging Dicks though found their feminine side a tad harder to get in touch with.
Head spud and now Minister for Defence gruppenfritter Aldo Fitler had had enough of shouty wimmin and free speech, claiming social media was being defamatory towards him, thereby invoking the Streisand Effect by refreshing memories of tuber-themed lampooning of his resemblance to a starchy staple. The “mad fucking witch” sledge that Aldo directed at a female journo must’ve slipped his mind as has the context – his expressing sympathy for Big Swinging Dicks member Jamie Briggs whose staff touching proclivities saw his use by date brought forward. It is notable and unsurprising that sympathy from the boiz went to the groper not the gropee including that of then Finance Minister and fellow BSD Hieronymus Botch:
Very sad for my good friend Jamie. I know him as a decent, hard working and capable contributor to our cause. He has much to contribute.
— Mathias Cormann (@MathiasCormann) December 29, 2015
This is not just an issue of a lack of women in the Tory parties, it’s their lack of decent human beings. How telling of their behaviours that media stories about them now inevitably include the Lifeline phone number.
The entropy continues.
This article was originally published on Grumpy Geezer.
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