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With great power comes great avoidance of responsibility

Spinocchio skirts the issue

Spinocchio Morrison the clueless MC from Announceables-R-Us has showed off the new org chart that is his disaster recovery plan. The women of Australia are revolting and the marketing man responded to his crisis like a marketing man does – by revamping the packaging. The LNP now comes in a choice of colours, swinging dick blue and sheila pink. Thankfully, during his pitch to the press Morrison resisted the urge to fondle his balls as a wink to his blokey-bloke base (“Play along, fellas. They’ve probably just got the painters in so they’ll forget all about itafter a box of Cadbury’s Favourites“).

As a demonstration of his sudden revelation of the value of women to the party Spinocchio has elevated several of the serving wenches to special ministerial status adding “women” to newly grandiloquent titles thereby cynically absolving the men from any accountability to half of the population.

First female Attorney General Excretia Borgia, the new chief law officer of the land and a fugitive from AFP interviews (whose public persona projects not so much lawyerly calm as ‘desperate crackhead haranguing her dealer for more credit’) has a somewhat soiled record when it comes to supporting the sisterhood. Who can forget the helmet-haired harridan’s screeching slurs against the women in Bill Shorten’s office with threats of “oil noime noimes”?

Excretia’s priority will be to provide cover for her predecessor the Xtian Porter against historical rape allegations which have conveniently been consigned to PMO Svengali Phil Gaetjens’s Penski file. The Xtian will now busy himself in his new role by persuing defamation action against our national broadcaster, claiming that he can be identified as the unnamed alleged rapist in the ABC’s disclosures of Tory sleaze by simply joining the dots. A rather bizarre argument for defending one’s reputation if you think about it.

Morrison’s marketing reflex kicked in with his anointing of a selection of heretofore handmaidens who have sought to thrive by being just as egregious as the men. Amanda Stoker, Anne Ruston and Jane Hume, the lipstick on the pig, will join Excretia in a taskforce to manage cultural change by making sure that privileged women don’t miss out on the largesse. A tag team of mini-Maggie Thatchers but without the personal warmth.

Contributing his blokey input Deputy PM Forrest Gimp, the bonus track on a Yoko Ono CD, was the go-to guy to explain how to try to not be a ballsack as a part of the Nat’s redemptive performance of newly found feminism. Gimpy used Barmy Joyce’s inflatable doll to demonstrate to the troops those places where it’s inappropriate to touch staff in an hour long mansplain (lunch break included). Gimpy’s empathy session covered his old talking points – comparing women’s soccer to an egg & spoon race, rampant homophobia and extolling the virtues of corporal punishment.

Some of the Big Swinging Dicks though found their feminine side a tad harder to get in touch with.

Head spud and now Minister for Defence gruppenfritter Aldo Fitler had had enough of shouty wimmin and free speech, claiming social media was being defamatory towards him, thereby invoking the Streisand Effect by refreshing memories of tuber-themed lampooning of his resemblance to a starchy staple. The “mad fucking witch” sledge that Aldo directed at a female journo must’ve slipped his mind as has the context – his expressing sympathy for Big Swinging Dicks member Jamie Briggs whose staff touching proclivities saw his use by date brought forward. It is notable and unsurprising that sympathy from the boiz went to the groper not the gropee including that of then Finance Minister and fellow BSD Hieronymus Botch:



This is not just an issue of a lack of women in the Tory parties, it’s their lack of decent human beings. How telling of their behaviours that media stories about them now inevitably include the Lifeline phone number.

The entropy continues.

This article was originally published on Grumpy Geezer.

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  1. Roswell

    Wonderful stuff, Grumpy.

    The “bonus track on a Yoko Ono CD” nearly caused me to choke with laughter. (I once played the B side of ‘Cold Turkey’, so I know what you mean).

    I’m afraid that every time in the future I hear our Deputy PM speak I most certainly will be triggered.

  2. New England Cocky

    Geez, GG, you’ve nailed it again!!

    Still did you realise that by making women Ministers you are increasing their salary package, superannuation and retirement benefits?

    So any political sceptic could reasonably assume that these promotions have alternative motivation, like preventing the long overdue Scummo Spill Motion by paying off assorted women with Ministries in the Irrelevancy sector.

    Such a nice way to spread the public largess and buy ”loyalty” within the Liarbral Party through insuring that the appearance of an “I Ended Misogyny” marketing campaign that could reasonably be described incorrectly by a very naive primary school student as ”doing something for women’s equality”.

  3. Vivienne Jean Mendham

    Gawd that was good.

  4. Ken

    Yep nailed Scottyfromsales brilliantly

  5. Geoff Andrews

    Another beauty.
    I thought the final reference to Lifeline was the perfect summary (and I will use it too).
    Your contribution brought to mind the golden oldie: Why do people take an instant dislike to Peter Dutton?
    It save time.

  6. Harry Lime

    .Mornin’ Grumpy. I hope you took in the Liar’s Easter message ,Some insulting horseshit about ‘mateship’,obviously borrowed from the rodent’s library of dog whistles. Anzac Day should be a hoot.

  7. Ross

    Scotty: The Prince of Marketing: A Shakespearean Tragedy. (With apologies to The Bard)

    A crier laments: The reign of Scotty the Smug has been afoul’d with the misdeeds of his council of ministers. Misdeeds of so foul a nature the gods themselves do tremble with disgust.

    The curtain raises, a gentle maiden fair enters.

    Scott: How now gentle maiden, what’s the matter?
    The Maiden: Oh my Prime Minister, my Scomo, I have been so affrightened
    Scott: With what, i’ the name of god.
    The Maiden: My Scomo as I was sewing in my closet,
    The Andrew of Bowen, with his doublet all unbraced,
    No hat upon his head, his stockings foul’d,
    Ungartere’d and down-gyved to his ankle,
    Pale as his shirt, his knees knocking each other,
    And with a look so piteous in purport
    As if he had been loosed out of hell
    To speak of horror, he comes before me.
    Scott: Mad for thy love?
    The Maid: My Scomo I do not know, but truly do I fear it.
    Scott: What said he?
    The Maiden: He said nought but did upskirt my undertunic as I bent to stock mead to thine bar fridge.
    Scott: A swine in truth, but to cast him from my council of ministers would put my reign in peril.
    Fear him not, to thy Pentecostals will I send the swine to be counselled in the ways of godly men.
    Such shall I cleanse my council of ministers of swine.
    The Maid: To a nunnery I go, and quickly too. Farewell.

    The curtain falls ……..

  8. Gangey1959

    Thank you GG. That was a great pre easter read.

    Interesting that herr korrmann found time in his new role as global beancounter to sing the praises of a lowly being from the land that forgot what cfentury it is. They really are a sick bunch of scumbuckets.

    Did you know that lipstick is quite safe for pigs. It’s been tested on animals………

  9. Josephus

    To declare a horrible man innocent without reading even the dead probable victim’s account is vile . Women , good men, do not vote for this amoral and immoral crowd .

  10. Kerri

    Good article!
    I have been posting old videos of Cash in her full banshee glory on Facebook just to remind everyone of what a poor judge of character Scottyfrommarketing really is!
    She would have to be the most hated politician in Australia.

  11. Keith Woolsey

    That opening picture is a bit disturbing, but encourages one to read on.

  12. paul walter

    The only discernible consistency from the LNP government has been refusal of accountability along with “messaging” aimed at creating a sense of exclusion.

    The consistency in this has been remarkable, given the lack of it applying all other policies proposed.

    What is it about whatever else they are up to do that demands such a robust adherence to secrecy at all/
    any cost?

    Is it that, should they capitulate to honesty on even a single issue, it sets a nasty precedent for openness and inclusion that acknowledges the role of government as representatives and servants to the public rather than the command and rule by fiat mode they are striving so hard to apply?

    Is it meant to obscure looting as well as the true nature of FTA’s, defence and surveillance processes that run against logic, truth and social need in favour of greed and hunger for control and power?

  13. paul walter

    Nero has fiddled for a generation in various guises as the world falls under the deadening hand of globalising financial neo liberalism and the loss of self determination inherent therein..

    While politics here squabbles over the spoils of civilisational defeat, the bribes, consultancies and pork barrelling that wrecs enviro and thus future productivity, a number of critical issues remain studiously ignored as inconvenient, in the way of the greedy barbarians who Killed the Goose that Laid the Golden Egg.

    Here is one such issue, drawn from the Conversation again.

  14. wam

    These men and their women hide all references to achievements by women who are listed somewhere in every phase of human development successfully hidden from the limelight which is afforded to men.
    There are thousand of women in the workforcs of ww1 and ww2 with many more at the top of the recovery ie Anna Coleman Ladd.
    The ignorance of men, as to the power of women, is society for men but why are so many women compliant???

  15. Kaye Lee

    “why are so many women compliant?”

    It is very hard to shift the ingrained survival technique of shutting up and just getting on with stuff. If the man says do it, we grit our teeth and comply.

    When it comes to voting, I can only assume that too many people are too busy just getting by to actually follow politics so they can discern the truth from the lies.

  16. paul walter

    Real Estate Ponzi is a monumental and grossly divisive conservative ploy from our creepy IPA so called leaders on their relentless press for more neoliberalism.

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