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Voting For The Rum Rebellion Awards (Alternative To Australia Day Awards…)

Ok, I know you’re all as excited as I am… which is a trifle ambiguous but it’s probably better that way.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I called for nominations for my Rum Rebellion Award and the winner will be announced on January 26th – the anniversary of that very significant day in Australian history where someone with enough money to organise a revolt deposed Governor Bligh and sent him back to Old Blighty… “Old Blighty” is slang for the mother country for reasons I’ve never understood… but then I’ve never understood why we consider that England is the mother country unless it’s because a large number of English people have proved themselves to be real mothers when it comes to Australia…

I don’t want you to think I’m being racist here – which is what every racist says when they’re being racist – but I’m not hostile to the English. Some of my friends have been English and I love my country and the Queen of Australia was – after all – at least part English given the Royal Family’s concern with only marrying cousins from countries that don’t have so much Royal blood that they have a tendency to bleed…

I hope that doesn’t sound like I’m making fun of haemophiliacs but in the interests of fairness, you’d have to admire God’s sense of humour in creating something that Queen Victoria passed on to three of her nine children leading to their early demise…

Too soon?

Ok, I know that was a bit too close to the line and political correctness means that I shouldn’t say things that people find offensive but, even if you don’t believe in God, I have a right to admire his sense of humour even if he doesn’t exist. Particularly when you see evidence of his existence on that most holy day: Boxing Day when we’re reminded of Jesus’s sacrifice by the Hot Cross Buns appearing in stores the day after his birth.

Anyway, I thought I’d ask for you to vote for the final nominations. I thought of disqualifying some because I don’t like them but then I decided that I’d wait and rig the election just like so many people think happens when the person they voted for doesn’t win…

Who should win the Rum for the Rum Rebellion Award?


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  1. New England Cocky

    It would be unreasonable to award The Rum to Monique Ryan because she is possibly the only above nominee without the funds to raise a treasonous rebellion against the Governor.

    Joshie Friedeggburgher was a loser from the start, counting in abridged form there way little chance of him formulating any meaningful financial polices for the benefit of Australian voters, especially given his previous employment at Goldman Sachs, the never indicted originators of the 2009 GFC.

    The defeat of Friedeggburgher by Ryan was a natural consequence of a talented lady candidate being preferred by a long ignored electorate following his own puny attempt to play politics as badly as he played tennis.

    Scummo tried a similar treasonous escapade when he colluded with gg David Hurley to establish the Royal Australian Theocratic Dictatorship following the Eagle and the practices of the Hell$inger$ Cult of ”Buy Your Way to Heaven Today” conspiring to become the secret Minister five times to insure nobody could question his position under the Eagle.

    Perhaps the best Rum Award would be a double life sentence in gaol for policies that lacked any benefits for Australian voters, Robodebt & refugee policies that resulted in the unwarranted deaths of government policy victims shared equally between Scummo and Friedeggburgher. With their luck they will only be stripped of their post politics benefits at an on-going enormous cost to the Australian voters that they failed to serve.

  2. Rossleigh

    Personally, I always loved the fact that spelling “gaol” like that could be confused with “goal” and now that we have spell check I suspect that many people may write that they wish to avoid “gaol” and have it changed to avoid “goal”… Thankfully, the only people who spell it like that are unlikely to go to gaol unless they upset the RoYal Gamily…

  3. Williambtm

    New England Cocky, your recall of past historical fact is most remarkable, I voted for the Friedeggburgher as he was part of the pack that prodded their arrogant lying Dutto to step forward to become the future cause of a non-future-electable Liberal party huckstering leader.

  4. leefe


    Interesting. Your comments about “Old Blighty” had me doing a bit of digging. The consensus apppears to be

    “a British soldier’s informal and (usually) affectionate term for “Britain” or “England,” popularized in World War I but attested by 1896 in India, an alteration of Hindi bilayut, billait, which is from Arabic wilayat “a kingdom, a province,” which apparently was used by various peoples in South Asia in reference to their distant homelands, and in India came to be used for “Europe” generally.”

    Another reference says it was first popularised during the Boer War and was principally used by Australians.

  5. margcal

    YAY, Mon …. my MP!

    YAY, Josh …. my EX-mp …. where are all those applauding emojis when you want them?

  6. GL

    I’m going to nominate Turnbull to receive my inaugural Ineffectual and Church Mouse Award.
    Bananababy gets my Best Impression of a Drunken Beetroot and Incoherent Ravings awards.

  7. New England Cocky

    @ GL: You are very considerate. Locally Beetrooter is recognised for his adherence to ”the Nazional$ Family Values” of adultery, alcoholism, amorality, bigotry, cronyism, and misogyny.

  8. wam

    It could be considered that england has been a blight on the world?
    The septics are unable to reconcile the two ‘g’s but we are better educated and can understand why there are good jiants.

  9. Clakka

    Ha ha ha haaar,

    I’ve always loved the term ‘Old Blighty’ for England. I don’t care from where it arose, it seems to perfectly describe the fetid source of all effluviums cast over the 19th and 20th centuries.

    And for some strange reason my yet to be developed New Year neurons have dragged up ‘Blott on the Landscape’ – possibly a metaphor for Lord Morrison’s LNP?

    Blott. Not Scott, but surely Josh.

    Fraudenberg – Deputy Dickhead – Couldn’t run a chook raffle. A grinning incompetent doling debt money to business buddies whilst fabricating a galaxy of conspiracies for supremacy at any cost.

    A four dimensional failure, he cemented his own oblivion and left us with the uncultivated spud of the Duttonate.

    Blott, champion of the Rum Rebellion.

  10. New England Cocky

    @ Clakka …. a wonderful series by a talented writer, especially ”Porterhouse Blue”.

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