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Turnbull So Successful In Selling Trump The TPP That Trump Announces Tariffs A Week Later!

So, after talking about the “grey area” concerning the fatherhood of the unborn spawn because he had to respond to rumours, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Shamed walked out of a news conference today, because he was asked to respond to his own comments from yesterday.

The only rational explanation for the behaviour of the ex-Deputy PM – yesterday and today – would be that it’s a deliberate ploy to distract from the latest Newspoll or the news that Trump is slapping a tariff on steel and aluminium. That explanation, however, quickly falls apart when one considers two important facts. First, there’s no way that BJ would want to do Malcolm a favour. More importantly, it would be a mistake to look for rational explanations where the Honourable Member is concerned.

So Malcolm woke up to the news that he leads Bill Shorten as preferred PM by a margin of just two percent. Given there are very few times when an Opposition leader has actually been preferred PM, this is an incredibly bad result for poor Malcolm. Even Tony Abbott was forced to forgo his “no sniping” commitment and remind everyone that Malcolm was quite likely to beat the record of 30 losing Newspolls in a row. Now, I’m not sure if Mr Abbott was implying that we need to protect him from such a fate by choosing a new PM, or whether it was just an idle remark given to us in case there’s a question about which Liberal leader lost the most consecutive Newpolls at the next trivia night.

Still, you have to feel sorry for Malcolm. Apart from getting a selfie with Cher at the Sydney Mardi Gras, not much has gone right for him.

Just a couple of weeks ago, when he was lecturing us about morals and not sleeping with your staff, he was in control and seemed to be actually capable of making a decision. He was so masterful that Peter Dutton mistook him for Bill Shorten. Dutton, you may have noticed, complained about being lectured on morals by Bill. Unfortunately, Malcolm was the only one who’d chosen to stray into the area of who it was permissible to bonk; Shorten had merely been questioning the lack of process in moving Ms Campion from office to office and the possible misuse of taxpayer money.

And then, his stirring performance in the US, standing shoulder to shoulder with the great Donald Trump, where the word “mateship” was used in a way that made it seem like Donald actually knew who Malcolm was. Turnbull, we were later told, hadn’t managed to turn the T-Rump around on the TPP, but he’d extracted assurances that we were a special little country and he just loved us to bits and, yes, we could have a special deal on trade, and by the way, would we like to go on a cruise with our mate through the South China Sea.

So, it’s a bit of an embarrassment that so soon after the very successful US mission, that Donald announces the 25% tariff on steel and the 10% on aluminium. I mean, it’s almost like the POTUS heard Turnbull’s arguments on free trade and went, “Right! That’s it. If this idiot thinks free trade is a good idea then it’s time for a trade war.”

Apparently, it’s unclear whether Australia will receive an exemption, but signs are that it isn’t likely. Even though our Trade Minister, Steve Ciobo rang his US counterpart, he couldn’t get an answer because Trump had only just made the decision so nobody had had time to think about it… including the President himself.

President Trump seems to think that no country should have a trade surplus with the United States, which is a pretty strange way of looking at the world. I mean, if every country argued that, then world trade would be pretty difficult. And I know some of you may not see that as a bad thing. However, given the USA has a powerful economic position because countries trade with it and because – in almost every case – trade deals end up favouring the USA, then anything that reduces trade is likely to hurt the rich in America. And when I say “hurt” I mean, they won’t make quite as much in profit as they otherwise would have.

So this move from Trump could see some of his supporters suddenly deciding that he clearly must have colluded with Russia because anything which stops them making money must be the work of a “commie” who needs to be impeached.

Will Malcolm outlast Donald? Will the Liberals call an election before the stock markets crash so that Labor is in charge during a difficult economic time? Will “Married At First Sight” be replaced by a show about politicians and their staff members? Will Peter Dutton use his powers to have Border Force take both Turnbull supporters and the Labor Party into custody under our anti-terror laws, paving the way for a relatively trouble-free election?

These and other questions may be answered over the coming weeks. But probably not by Malcolm Turnbull. And certainly not by Barnaby who will only be scheduling press conferences to ask them to respect his privacy.




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  1. Freethinker

    Will Malcolm outlast Donald? Will the Liberals call an election before the stock markets crash so that Labor is in charge during a difficult economic time?

    I am so close to put my bet for that.
    How many times before an ALP government just come in power when a global financial crisis is about to start or have started?

  2. Kronomex

    Caption for the photo: Trembles’s reaction on Monday morning when finds out that The Donald doesn’t love him anymore.

    I’m going to be surprised if Turnbull makes it to the end of this year as PM.

  3. Matters Not


    Steve Ciobo rang his US counterpart

    who then asked about the weather in Rome and how the elections were going and whether Silvio Berlusconi would eventually make a comeback. After some explanation and clarification – the US counterpart added that he hoped to one day visit to see if indeed the hills are alive with the sound of music?

    Such is the impact that Steve Ciobo makes on the world stage.

  4. Pierre Wilkinson

    Thank you Rossleigh, it has been a long day and I needed a good laugh, though Herr Dutton will probably ban laughter once he gains supreme command

  5. Frank Smith

    It is becoming clear that the mid-term elections in the USA are likely to deliver a Democrat controlled Congress. This will be very bad news for T-Rump as the Mueller investigation brings down charges of obstruction of Justice, collusion and conflicts of interest against him and his Administration later this year. This is because a Republican dominated Congress would likely protect “The Donald” whilst a Democrat dominated Congress would be likely to impeach him. So, a lot in play here. But, if “The Pussey-Grabber-In-Chief” were to be impeached it could be a case of “out of the frying pan into the fire” as Pence, a darling of the Republican establishment, would step up. Looking at Pence’s record this is another frightening scenario.

    Such movements are momentous on a Global scale – a tiff between Trembles and Trump based on a “promise” by the unpredictable T-Rump a year ago about the import duty of Bluescope Steel is a minor itch by comparison. As are the effects of these import tariffs on China’s steel imports – Canada and the EU are the major importers of steel and aluminium into the USA. Great Mates, in a Conservative sense, though.

  6. John Higgins

    Barney must be so upset that he gets trashed nationally while Oberguppenfuhrer Quaedvlieg gets Herr Dutton’s protection for the same crime of bonking a staffer whilst married, but gets sent on fully-paid leave for a year, with Super intact … at $600,000 of tax payers money. Having a grasp of history, I worry submitting this comment and within a few years ending up on Manus (I have elderly German friends who still find it difficult to reconcile the change). Poor Bananaby … hoisted by his own petard … ahh … sympathy is at low tide

  7. John O'Callaghan

    Barnaby will now be known as the “Honourable member with the”Dishonourable member” who brought down Turnbull and his Government!

  8. Matters Not

    Frank Smith re:

    because a Republican dominated Congress would likely protect “The Donald” whilst a Democrat dominated Congress would be likely to impeach him.

    Perhaps we need to clarify the Congress. There’s two chambers: the Senate and the House of Representatives. It’s the House of Representatives that decides to impeach (or not) – a simple majority required. But that’s just the beginning of the trial. The Senate may convict (or not) and that requires a two third’s majority. It’s unlikely that the Democrats (or the Republicans) will achieve that majority.

    There’s the potential for lots of slippage. The evidence would have to be overwhelming for a conviction. As well it might be. (Here’s hoping.)


    In ancient Rome the Legions that pilfered the known world were private armies funded by the generals who lead them. The generals got a large cut of the bounty and land appropriated from the peoples they conquered. In 1215 King John of England was forced to sign the magna carta so his tax collecting from other landowners could be controlled. The taxes John levied were used to fight wars that enabled him to expand his personal land holdings and revenues and hence to enlarge his personal wealth. War has always been a business enterprise and trade is part of that business. The USA is in a continuous state of war because war is its main business. Since Saudi Arabia began selling its oil in exclusively $US in the 1970s the $US has been pegged to the price of oil and for every barrel of oil sold in the world the USA gets a cut thru the fees involved in the currency exchange process to acquire the $US required for the transaction. Oil trade is business for the US even tho it may not be one of the countries directly involved in the exchange of a barrel of oil. Hence the US hostilities to Russia, China, Venezuaela, Sadam Huseins Iraque, Gadafi’s Libia, Iran. All of whom are attempting to trade for oil in currencies other than $US. Trade is war and war is business.

  10. Keith Vass

    The only thing you could have added to this beautiful piece is the irony of offering Australian Super Funds and being repaid with a 25% tariff on steel.

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