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Turnbull, Black Gangs And Other Lawbreakers …

Leaked transcript of Malcolm meeting with his spin doctor. While Trump may call it “fake news”, Mr Turnbull hasn’t commented so I’ll leave you to make your own conclusion.

“Why on earth did you turn up weariing an $850 shirt to your Christmas photo op?”

“Well, I thought, as I was meant to be feeding the homeless it was the wrong occasion to wear one of my expensive ones.”

“No, Malcolm, that’s the point. A Dolce and Gabbana shirt is an expensive one!”

“Really? But I bought it off the rack and there was no tailor involved…”

“Trust me, to the average peson, it is. Most people don’t even own suits that cost that much.”

“Then why are they always complaining about the cost of living. I mean, I had to shell out nearly two million to the Liberal Party so I could keep being the PM, what do they waste their money on, if not clothes or political donations?”

“Well, things like the mortgage, food and energy bills…”

“Energy bills? Don’t they know that I’ve fixed that? The NEG…”

“Malcolm, you only announced a plan to fix it. They won’t see lower prices till after the next election, if ever.”

“Hasn’t Snowy 2.0 lowered prices?”

“No, if anything, the rising cost of the project will probably blow prices out. Anyway, it’s not just the shirt. You also gave that message about water safety a couple of days after being fined for not wearing a lifejacket.”

“Gee, why are people so obsessed with what I wear?”

“They’re not. We’re just a little bit concerned that after describing your fine as a bit technical, people might see your message on water safety as a bit hypocritical.”

“In what way?”

“Not wearing a lifejacket. Water safety.”

“But if I fell in, I’d just walk to safety. I don’t need a jacket thing.”

“Malcolm, for the last time, you cannot walk on water!”

“Ah, that’s what you said before the Bennelong by-election and look how that turned out!”

“Ok, I know we spun a five percent swing against the government as a great result, but let’s be real. Usually by-elections doin’t threaten the stability of the governing party so people are free to have a protest vote without any consequence. Couple that with the fact that Alexander was forced to the by-election by outdated citizenship laws AND the Sam Dastyari business blowing up in the week before the poll, then it was a shocking result which, if repeated in a gerneal election, would see Labor as government, The Greens as the Opposition and your leftovers trying to work out if they should merge with Cory or Pauline.”

“All right, all right, let’s get down to business then. So, what shirt should I wear for my next appearance?”

“Malcolm, this is more than what shirt you wear. You’ve got to recapture the momentum that got the Liberals back to within six points of Labor in the polls just after the marriage equality vote.”

“Ah yes, I really did well there, didn’t I? I’m so much more popular than Bill Shorten, aren’t I?”

“That won’t matter in a general election. That’s like saying that a prostate exam is more popular than a visit to the dentist.”

“Are you sure? I think I’d rather a trip to the dentist because he always praises my teeth, whereas when I have a prostate exam, there’s never any mention of the sun shining out of…”

“Malcolm, focus! This is important. You’re not in a Cabinet meeting where you can let your mind wander. You need to do what Liberal leaders always do when facing criticism!”

“Show strong leadership?”

“Ha, good one. No, blame Labor.”

“Well, that should be easy. We could attack them over the NBN.”

“You tried that a couple of months ago and it just reminded people what a traiinwreck it’s become. The fact that you’d been telling them how great and there were no problems a few weeks earlier…”

“Energy prices.”

“You claimed to have fixed that. Nah, it has to be something that Shorten can’t actually point out that you’ve been the government for over four years and make it obvious that your not actually doing anything.”

“Jobs. I could point out again that there were more jobs for everyone.”

“Yeah, that just upsets the people who are now working a second job to make ends meet because they haven’t had a pay rise in four years.”

“What about everyone else?”

“Well, those who have a job don’t care if there’s more being created…”

“What about the unemployed who now have jobs?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. All of the jobs are going to overseas workers out here on visas. Don’t you read your own legislation?”

“Well, there must be something. Road safety?”

“People might expect you to spend more on roads.”

“Um, violent crime?”

“That’s a state issue.”

“So we can’t use it?”

“No, it’s perfect. You can just bring it up and say that if this isn’t fixed then you might need to step in. That way you get all of the credit for acknowledging it’s a problem. and nobody can blame you for not doing anything. It’s Kevin Rudd and hospitals all over again.”

“But there’s more than one state and they’ve all got different responses.”

“Yeah, but I saw somethng about an African gang in Victoria.”

“Did they kill someone?

“No, but they wrote MTS on the wall of a place they broke into or something. Doesn’t matter, that stands for ‘Menace To Societ’ so that sounds even more threatening than ISIS. They’re perfect because that not only focuses attention on Dan Andrews who looked like a leader after the euthanisia thing, but it also should appeal to PHON voters.”

“PHON voters? Why?”

“Malcolm, didn’t you just hear me whistle?”

 

 


21 comments

  1. Terry2

    Now that the Labor debt & deficit disaster is behind us and the government is rolling in revenue, Malcolm wants to have another $100 million postal survey thingy on whether we should become a Republic and if the answer is YES then we can have a constitutional plebiscite to enact the will of the people, presumably another $100 million.

    These people exhaust me !

  2. Rossleigh

    Yeah, Terry2. When Turnbull accused Dan Andrews of “lacking leadership” I was gobsmacked. That’s a bit like Kim Kardashian accusing somebody of being an attention-seeker!

  3. cjward2017

    I’m afraid that I believe that Turnbull is looking for yet another issue on which to divide the country. When it comes to such matters, I’m a great believer in the old axiom: “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” We desperately need someone to heal the fractures in society as a whole and our communities. There is only one problem and using a single word, “Parliament” that should be a clue. When I’m in a more humorous mood I describe this country as being run by the Kakistocracy but 2017 drove home another more fundamental problem. It appears that we have a political class which acts in and for its own interests. (Yes I know it’s Karl Marx but does it matter?) If you look at the CVs of all members of Parliament, with a few independent and odd sorts excluded, they all seem pretty much the same. The fortress that is now Parliament House is most certainly built to keep people out, yet I don’t hear anyone querying the expense. I’m not saying that our representatives (sic) are not deserving of protection but when I look at the way the country is going, and the Empire that will be called Home Security, I believe that we are today living in an atomised society and the outlook is for more rather than less division.

  4. Freethinker

    New year and all the same!! the hopeless Coalition come with the distraction of a possible postal vote regarding the republic issue and the ALP join the farce like a weak fence sitter.
    Please Shorten & Co, concentrate in real issues and do not be part of a distraction.
    In Victoria to keep trying to divide more the electorate the low life racist liberals are blaming the Sudanese people for gangs crime even if the police dispute that.
    Look like that 2018 will be business as usual.

  5. fayecox2016Faye

    Why doesn’t Malcolm Turnbull have the guts to put the republic issue to Parliament. Much cheaper.. Oh wait.. he doesn’t, quite simply have the fortitude ( guts)

  6. fayecox2016Faye

    What a gutless wonder is our Malcolm. A postal vote is now the way to govern ? Bullshit.

  7. Ill fares the land

    I really don’t know if the “African” gangs in Victoria are a genuine problem.

    Of course, any gang activity isn’t necessarily a good thing, but the history of politicians everywhere is that they like to inflate examples of gang and criminal activity in order to create a sense of fear amongst the general population. If they can accuse African migrants of being the source of a major crime problem, they can then easily conflate Africans with “boat people” – all problem migrants because, well, they cause problems and unrest.

    Once they have upped the fear level, and had a kick at a Labor Premier at the same time (a useful bonus), they can then they go on repeating their “keeping Australians safe” slogan (aka propaganda) and try to convince us that they are the only reason we are safe in our beds.

    This kind of claptrap also opens the door for Dutton’s new super department (perfect for a mega idiot) to then gain a bit more power – again all to keep us safe from the deadly hordes. And it also leaves us more likely to accept further “special powers” being legislated – all in the interests of our safety. This, ironically, from a government that insists it stands for “small government”.

    On the matter of the latest brain fart about a second plebiscite, why is it even news? Turnbull is using it and anything else he can think of to divert our attention away from his incompetence and that of his government and the ever-compliant media assist him by turning it into the latest and greatest “idea” when it is simply more drivel from another purveyor of drivel.

  8. Andrew J. Smith

    There has been no data provided on either African gang violence nor driving ability of foreigners, when presented in MSM today.

    Reminds me of young Cairns lass telling me in Europe 10+ years ago that African gangs were attacking ‘Ozzies’ in Melbourne; LNP nervous about QLD and Shorten?

  9. PB

    Anyone looked deeper into the role that (((Danby))) played in bringing a truckload or two of Africans to Australia so the Israelis could get rid of them, because the Israelis are so..so…special? The Apefricans are the shock troops on the gound, but the real enemy, as usual, is higher up the food chain.

  10. Rossleigh

    Gee, thanks for that intellectual comment, PB. As someone without your depth of understanding I’d like you to explain exactly what apefricans are, but more importantly what is the “gound”?

  11. Rob

    The Fede Govt took the refugees in from Sudan and resettled them in areas which were already socially disadvantaged. The extreme right LNP. Now use this as the sticvk to beat all of us up with. There are problems with teenagers and nothing to do, discrimination from schools and employers. Our caring sring Fed Govt doesn’t give a rats tossbag either. Disturbingly is the LNP are trying to once again divide n conquer. To again say rfugees are not welcome. The Vic State LNP have vowed to go to the Nov 2018 election on Law n Order. Matthew Guy aka Mr Skyscraper, HE was the Planning Minister when Denis napthalene and Big ted baileau was in office. Guy is a jerk but people listen to this crap daily, they swallow this hook line n sinker.

  12. Rob

    Footnote: I did work for the AEC in polling booths for over 25yrs. Am no longer interested in this form of cutting edge democracy. Flew the damn flag and am sick of it. and yes people really do make their narrow minds up as they stand in line to exercise democracy in action. One inteliectual pygmy. didn’t even fill out his ballot paper and challenged me to stop him voting informally. He really wanted to make a scene, what he needed was belt in the mouth.He got neither from me
    That same day a young guy came in from an asian country asking how to vote? i explained and he wanted to know if his votes were really counted or lost / destroyed. His first time voting!!, For some democracy is worth dying or moving country for. For the mouthy jerk who voted informally like so many he is apathetic, bored and disillusioned, The dumbing down of australia is well underway. Think local Govt elections, they are postal votes and our freinds in the IPA don’t want compulsory voting either The LNP are truly despicable. and loving every minute of it

  13. Glenn Barry

    The supposed African gang phenomena is just a beat up – it’s been accorded too much media attention without proper scrutiny or analysis – simple dog whistling with a racial overtone.

    Assess everything related to this issue with the above in mind

  14. Rossleigh

    Yes, Glenn Barry. It’s not that there are no “African” teenagers behaving in an antisocial way, just as it’d be ridiculous to suggest that there are no third generation Australians behaving in antisocial way. However, as a police officer tried to suggest before being howled down by a baying Murdoch media, they’re not really that significant in the overall crime rates in Victoria and to suggest otherwise just gives them an ego boost and an incentive to make more trouble. Of course, something needs to be done and, of course, things are being done, but what’s being done hasn’t solved the problem because it’s not as simple as lock up anyone who does anything and throw away the key.
    Of course, the idea of Mathew Guy standing on a “law and order” platform has a faint edge of absurdity – lobster dinner, anyone? – but I can see the campaign now:
    “Guy – he’s a FAMILY man and he can give you protection!”

  15. Terry2

    If you want to kick your enemy (or opposition) the art of war dictates that you attack when the enemy is diverted. The Christmas New Year holidays are an appropriate time to attack the Andrews government according to the coalition media spinners. So coordinated media coverage of the black gangs issue, led by the News Corp tabloid the Herald Sun, has dubbed Victoria “a state of fear” and reported that it could undermine the incumbent Labor government’s chances in the November state election.

    Not to miss the opportunity, on Monday the prime minister and Greg Hunt weighed in, saying at a press conference in Sydney that “growing gang violence and lawlessness in Victoria” was “a failure of the Andrews government”.

    So, the campaign against Andrews is underway, led by News Corp and Andrews and his team are called back from Christmas leave to counter the initial salvo. Very clever but the Victorian Police Commissioner is not impressed and neither should we be.

  16. Glenn Barry

    Rossleigh, Well in the previous two state elections which included federal LNP involvement during the campaigning, WA and QLD – I’d have to say that did not fare well for the state LNP parties.
    Here is hoping that Victorians having experienced actual leadership under Andrews may not appreciate the LNP attempting to drag the debate into the gutter and vote accordingly.

    Completely inappropriately and offensively I used to joke, now we’re importing black people so that the racists have someone to beat up on because there is nothing that hasn’t been perpetrated against our indigenous Australians.
    Now the loathsome, low life PM is the one leading that charge.
    What’s going on? Is he missing out on the fun that Dutton is clearly having with the refugees in Manus and Nauru – is he trying to out racist Pauline?

    I recall when the Lobster dinner episode occurred and wondered just how bad does the Victorian LNP have to be when that calibre of person retains the leadership in those circumstances

  17. crypt0

    ” … the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country.”
    Pretty much what the LieNP and News Corpse do on a regular basis, but they won’t tell you that.
    Actually, it was Herman Goering who said the above.
    Thank you for that little insight, Mr Goering …
    Our “leaders” are unlikely to ever speak so forthrightly.

  18. PB

    “Gee, thanks for that intellectual comment, PB. As someone without your depth of understanding I’d like you to explain exactly what apefricans are, but more importantly what it the “gound”?”

    You know exactly what I mean, you clown.

  19. Rossleigh

    Yes, you mean that PB stands for pea brain.
    I’d point out something like you’re probably one of those people who claim to love Australia and its values while ignoring just about every one of them with your stupidity and racism, but as all you have to contribute is name-calling and abuse, it hardly seems worth it, now go back wherever it was your ancestors came from and leave this country for those who support Australian values.

  20. Glenn Barry

    @PB – Pauline Hanson supporter sites cater more to your type – vile, racist excuse for a human being – it’s precisely the exceedingly low calibre of people like you that sometimes make me ashamed to identify as Australian.

    Now let me guess, does your theory of those behind the importation plot involves reptilians?

  21. Harry

    PB, Rossleigh and Glenn Barry: I find it unedifying when people launch personal attacks. Sure PB was being provocative and racist but we should surely attack the comments rather than the person.

    If the comment was regarded as beyond the pale it should be moderated and reasons given. We surely should encourage respectful discussion?

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