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Trump awards himself Medal of Honor

In breaking satirical news the White House announced this morning that Trump has decided to award himself the highest medal for bravery in action against an enemy force – the Medal of Honor.

Appearing briefly in the Rose Garden at the White House, Trump announced that after careful consideration, he had decided that there is nobody more deserving than himself to receive this award.

In a short speech, Trump said: “No commander-in- chief of the US army and navy has ever come under such relentless fire from the greatest enemy of the American people – the fake news media.

And no commander-in-chief before me has ever had to fight such injustice and done so with such courage. To recognise these tremendous acts of valour, I have today awarded myself the highest military decoration – the Medal of Honor”.

When asked what had led to this award, Trump replied: “No politician in history has ever been treated worse or more unfairly than I have. Everybody thinks so. While former politicians throughout history have been locked up for years, tortured, beheaded and even hung, drawn and quartered – none of them has ever had to endure the lies of CNN, the taunts of Stephen Colbert or the terrible acting of Alec Baldwin on SNL.”

Trump continued: “In my time as President I have had to withstand slings, arrows and even the threat of being burned at the stake by the ridiculous fake news media. But I endure it all for my people – the people who voted for me – and I know that they would want me to have this Medal.”

The White House confirmed that they are having a special Medal made up for Trump. It will be made of pure gold and be twice as big as the standard Medal of Honor.

Trump is expected to hold a special ceremony to award himself the Medal when he returns from his overseas trip. Fox News and the Russian media will be the only press allowed at this event.

The ceremony will be followed by a brief celebration where Trump is expected to be served three scoops of ice cream and an extra large glass of coke with his cake.

This satirical article was first published on ProgressiveConversation.

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  1. Jagger

    The Australian contingent will consist of golfing great Greg Norman and Trump’s Australian Prime Minister Brian Trumble.

  2. wam

    In recognition of his personality it will have two faces both blank.

  3. Jennifer Meyer-Smith

    If the medal is double the size of the normal Medal of Honour, where will Humpty Dumpty wear it?

    His neck is already heavily laden down with his big head, so I suggest the medal should be worn as a belt around his big, fleshy paunch.

  4. Matters Not

    The above article may not be satire but a reasonable ‘guess’ as to the future. And the day to day ‘history’ provides a mountain of ‘evidence’.

  5. Michael Taylor

    Jagger, you can add Pauline Hanson and Malcolm Roberts. Big, big fans.

  6. Kate M

    MN: As I was writing it, I did think I’d better hurry up and publish it before it morphed from satirical humour into horrifying fact…..

  7. Michael Taylor

    Won’t be long before his more highly decorated than Forrest Gump (his IQ is about the same).

    President Gump has a certain ring to it.

  8. Kate M

    President Gump would do a better job 🙂

  9. darrel nay

    sometimes satire is hilarious, but sometimes it’s merely a bitter joke!


  10. Johno

    Unfortunately, so very believable.

  11. Max Gross

    No, seriously, I reckon Orange Man really is a couple of cans short of a six-pack…

  12. Michael Taylor

    Only a couple, Max? You are far too generous.

  13. diannaart

    @Kate M

    Kate M May 20, 2017 at 1:41 am

    MN: As I was writing it, I did think I’d better hurry up and publish it before it morphed from satirical humour into horrifying fact…..

    As I was reading your article, I thought, now these words are out there…. it will happen…

    Spooky times

  14. Kate M

    Yep. Spooky

  15. Kyran

    Spooky? It’s terrifying. His first o/s trip is to the country that sponsored 9/11. Notwithstanding his business interests there. His next stop is Israel. Notwithstanding his business interests there. He’s better off over there. Apparently, his own supporters are asking questions.
    Thank you for the postscript that this is satirical. It’s hard to tell these days.
    Thank you Ms M and commenters. Take care

  16. Rossleigh

    Actually, I’m expecting something from Trump where he tells us that he’s been doing satire for years, but nothing he does has disqualified him from being President…
    After all, he did demand equal time on Saturday Night Live after he was elected and Alec Baldwin did that piece on him!
    Surely a serious political figure wouldn’t want to appear on a show like that…

  17. Kyran

    “Actually, I’m expecting something from Trump …”
    That’s where you lost me, Mr Brisbane.
    I’m expecting nothing. Nothing. Another fizza. You light them up, the old penny bunger, and all you get is fizz. And then nothing, … nothing. We seem to spend a lot of time trying to work out the difference between ‘news’ and ‘fake news’. All of the time, we lose sight of what is important, and what is not.
    When satire has to be declared, and news doesn’t, eh, Houston, we have a problem.
    Take care.

  18. Kronomex

    Donald said of Donald that Donald is well deserving of the medal that Donald is going to present to Donald. In other news, a duck was dragged quacking insanely that he was Donald to an asylum that is now bursting at the seams with dozens of fake Donalds.

  19. Jon Chesterson

    Methinks if I bury my head in the sand
    the sky might stay where it is,
    but it is hard to think
    with your head in the sand
    and all that clucking going on.
    My magic is tweeting
    and I am really very good at it
    but nothing beats my early morning crow

    Salience Bias by Barddylbach, May 2017
    AN – Trumped: The Dunning-Kruger-Effect riding on Salience Bias or ‘in plain dystopian english, how shit has an uncanny ability to rise to the top when your social plumbing ain’t so good.

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