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Tony Abbott On Twitter Where He Demonstrates His Capacity To Twit

“AGL is a business acting against the national interest. Of course AGL want to shut down Liddell because it’s a source of cheap power and they want all of us to pay more so their shareholders can get higher profits.”

Tony Abbott

Rossleigh: Tony Abbott wasn’t available, but I’ve managed to track down a spokesperson who’s prepared to attempt to justify anything the Liberals have recently done, provided I give him anonymity, so he can pretend it wasn’t him. Good afternoon, Tony Abbott?

Spokesperson: No, I’m someone completely different.

Rossleigh: No, I meant would you like to comment on Tony Abbott?

Spokesperson: Oh… No, we have a firm policy in the Liberal Party about not commenting on Tony Abbott unless we have to.

Rossleigh: Well, how about his tweet on the AGL’s decision not to sell Liddell.

Spokesperson: Yes, well, I can certainly comment on that because Tony’s absolutely right on this one.

Rossleigh: So you don’t think that AGL are acting in the national interest either?

Spokesperson: How could they be? Shutting down a source of cheap power just so they can make more money for their shareholders at the expense of everyday Australians!

Rossleigh: But isn’t making profits good? I mean, we’ve been told how the company tax cuts will benefit everyone by increases in wages, higher dividends, more in our superannuation accounts…

Spokesperson: Yes, but that’s coming through tax cuts, that’s not coming from all the mums and dads out there struggling to afford their second negatively geared property.

Rossleigh: But surely we all have to pay somehow if there are tax cuts.

Spokesperson: No, no, no, they’re tax CUTS. Nobody has to pay them.

Rossleigh: But weren’t you asking where Bill Shorten was going to get the money from when he suggested cutting taxes for people on lower incomes?

Spokesperson: That’s different.

Rossleigh: How?

Spokesperson: Well, Bill Shorten proposed it. And well, Unbelieva-Bill. You know? Unbelieva-Bill.

Rossleigh: I don’t see how that answers my question.

Spokesperson: Look, we’ll pay for company tax cuts because when we cut company taxes they invest more and then we get more in revenue from the profits.

Rossleigh: But isn’t that true of Shorten’s cuts too? And won’t much of the company tax cuts go to overseas investors?

Spokesperson: Look it’s clear that you’re just pushing Labor’s case here and if you’re not going to accept our sound, economic modelling then there’s really no point.

Rossleigh: So you’ve done economic modelling?

Spokesperson: Of course.

Rossleigh: And what did it tell you?

Spokesperson: That if you assume that everything goes according to plan then our plan will work.

Rossleigh: There’s something else I don’t understand about Mr Abbott’s assertion. If Liddell is providing cheap power and we get rid of it, won’t that just push the cost of electricity up for AGL as well?

Spokesperson: Of course!

Rossleigh: Well, how does that lead to greater profits? I mean, won’t they have to pay more if they’re not accessing so-called cheap power?

Spokesperson: Um… No, it’ll just make it more expensive for everyone else.

Rossleigh: Sorry, I need to understand. If Liddell is cheap and there’s no Liddell, doesn’t that mean that it’ll cost more for AGL to generate power.

Spokesperson: Of course not. They’ll start using renewables like solar and wind.

Rossleigh: Hasn’t your party been arguing that they’re more expensive?

Spokesperson: Yes, but only sometimes. Look, we acknowledge that we need a mix of power sources, so it’s really important to keep Liddell open.

Rossleigh: Yes, but why is it really important to keep open an ageing power station which keeps breaking down?

Spokesperson: Because we can’t rely on the renewable sector.

Rossleigh: What about battery storage?

Spokesperson: How will that help?

Rossleigh: When the wind doesn’t blow or the sun doesn’t shine, can’t batteries provide reliability?

Spokesperson: You’re rambling. Look, it’s really quite simple. Coal has been a reliable source of donations for decades. This renewable sector is just as likely to donate to Labor or The Greens, so how can we rely on that?

Rossleigh: Ah, I see. Moving on to other matters, would you like to comment on your decision to give half a billion dollars of public money to save the Great Barrier Reef without any sort of formal process.

Spokesperson: Well, it’s all part of our attempts to eliminate red tape. Under Labor, this company would have had to jump through all sorts of hoops and put in all sorts of proposals explaining how they intended to spend the money, but with us, they can just get started straight away.

Rossleigh: Started how?

Spokesperson: However they like. They’re the ones with the expertise.

Rossleigh: And the money…

Spokesperson: Exactly.

Rossleigh: What exactly was this company’s expertise?

Spokesperson: Well, that’s exactly the sort of question that bogs people down in bureaucracy. For us, it was simple. The Reef needs saving. These people said give us the money and we’ll do it. We give them the money. Problem solved.

Rossleigh: You’re out of time.

Spokesperson: We’ve still got till August to improve the polls.

Rossleigh: For the interview.

Spokesperson: Oh. It’s been a pleasure.

Rossleigh: Mm…


10 comments

  1. diannaart

    Pure gold, Rossleigh, pure gold.

  2. Henry Rodrigues

    I wonder what it would take to shut this idiot up ? A chaff bag towed out to sea, a stake through the heart, or just a powerful kick up his backside ?? AGL is a publicly listed company and its doing what its charter says and its shareholders want.This idiot who belongs to the party which claims to represent free enterprise, should just shut his gob and f**k off. Besides, he know nothing about how business works and definitely buggerall about economics.

  3. Julie

    Rossleigh love your humour. You nail it in one!

  4. Phil

    The GBR Foundation that got gifted near half a billion dollars from the LNP is a huge corporate front group.

    The Chairman is ex CEO of ESSO (parent of Exxon).

    The Chairman’s Panel is stacked with all the big banks and finance companies; the four global accountancy giants EY, Deloitte, PWC, KPMG; all the big miners and fossil fuel giants, to name just a few – most are donors to the shifty Liberal Party coffers.

    So our money has been gifted to the Chairman’s panel so they are now the gate keepers of the climate and reef sciences – they will dole it out to the universities that toe the line in their research – science denials and obfuscation will be modus operandi.

    Expect the GBR research to suddenly start painting a picture of wonderful reef health – a miraculous recovery – nothing to worry about here – just keep burning that oil and coal, and keep fiddling the bank books and we can all corrupt our way forward.

    This is corporate capture at its most egregious – a monstrous deciet and corruption of democracy by a lawless government that has no place in Australia.

  5. Florence Howarth

    If this was 1918 instead of 2018, I can see Abbott & his ilk screaming the world will end if we follow these new-fangled horseless carriages. He would be demanding the roads be reserved for horses & carts. Would be crying tears of blood for those employed or reared horses, along with carriage builders would be out of work.

    Would be holding back progress as he is today. Would have fought against copper for communication, saying telegraph is all we need. Same as he fights fibre today.

    It is really hard to accept we have so many Luddites in this day & age.

  6. johno

    Well put Rossleigh. I can only shake my head at this ongoing depressing saga that is our government.

  7. Adam

    Phil, long story short – the LNP is world best-practice at Cronyism.
    Basically, that’s the context in which their real agenda unfolds. Converting public assets to corporate profits ASAP is the end game. The public are irrelevant. The GBRF Board, the tax-exempt ‘Chosen Ones’ – could it be they are now just a feasibility study or two away from drilling for oil on the reef? And who is going to stop that?
    Main Stream Manipulators (MSM) are cheerleaders for the neo-cons which means that the public will get well-hoodwinked over the coming years. As long as the Murdoch editor-drones don’t allow mention of corp tax minimization or environmental damages, it should be all good in the hood.

  8. helvityni

    Love the title; there is a difference between the Labor and Coalition leaders ; there are wits on one side and twits on the other; see Keating versus Abbott…

  9. etnorb

    Another great article Rossleigh, & so bloody true too! Sadly, for ALL Australians we have to put up with this incompetent, flat earth mob of so-called “liberal” (?) parliamentarians. Honestly, if they knew anything about this whole Climate Change discussion we might just see some “normality” on their part, but they know fuck-all about ANYTHING so we have to put up with all the crap they spout about almost everything, when they actually know very little about anything that concerns all of us! They have no policies about climate change etc, no policies about assisting any of the unemployed, persons on Welfare or Pensioners etc. Well, except to continually put them all down & try to introduce such things as this bloody “welfare card” or whatever they want to call it. Since the bloody Libs have been in charge (?), this country has gone backwards with Climate Change, Welfare Assistance, wage rises (What are they?), common decency–which they know nothing about, & continually lying about anything & everything, whilst ALWAYS blaming the Labor party for everything that has gone wrong or will go wrong!–Education standards, Disabled persons “assistance” etc, etc! Backed, of course by Mudrake & his bloody rags, radio shock jocks, & every other right wing think tank etc.

  10. Norman Taylor

    Do the LNP realise that AGL is closing Liddell when they invest in something else that is more reliable, and cheaper?

    Do the LNP realise anything?

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