Right, I’ve worked out my path to fame and fortune…
Of course, I’m not necessarily sold that fame and fortune is a worthwhile ambition.
I mean, take Barry O’Sullivan… Barry O’Sullivan that nasty feminist who tried to suggest rude things about another Senate member today. He again became momentarily famous when Di Natale called him a “sexist pig” which is rather nasty given his round face and his nose does actually make him more than a little pig-like. And even more nasty when he told us a couple of weeks ago that he was becoming a woman so that he couldn’t be attacked… Whatever, given Bazza’s so far out there that he’s lost any winnable spot on the LNP Senate ticket even in Queensland, I suspect that his idea is that if he just becomes offensive and famous enough in his last throes as a senator, then Pauline will court him and he’ll be re-elected as a PHON member leaving him free to follow the consistent path of PHON senators of leaving the party to join another party before deciding that doesn’t suit him either…
Anyway, I’ve decided that I should start a party called “The Satirists’ Party”. I mean, think of the advantages. Those who understand the meaning of the word “satire” would think it hilarious and vote for us out of a sense of irony; those supporting Cory and Pauline and Tony might vote for us because they think that we’re serious and they’re sick of those people who only want to prevent future immigration and are happy to support a party who’d abolish immigration retrospectively… Not quite understanding that they themselves may be caught up in any retrospective legislation!
I don’t want you to think of my new party as a single issue party. We have a number of policies:
- Compulsory sausage sizzles at all elections so you don’t go down there to vote and discover that you’ll have to make your own lunch because you’re wife is out.
- No more slogans. I repeat, “NO MORE SLOGANS”
- No quotas for women but more than fifty percent female MPs. And more than fifty percent for men too.
- One million jobs! That’s right, I guarantee that there will be at least a million jobs in Australia.
- No replacing your leader. I mean, I’ll be leader so why would you want to replace me… But just in case you consider it, you can’t.
- Sunshine and lollipops, but no climate change. Of course, the climate changes all the time, but any suggestion that humans can affect anything that happens on Earth will be punishable by a sentence of being forced to listen to thousand hours of “The Bolt Report”.
- Balanced budgets but no taxation.
Yep, that’s about it for now. I’m prepared to sign a contract like Abbott did…
Actually, is that enforceable, given that not only didn’t we sign it, Abbott is at least two PMs ago?
(I’m being circumspect in case Julie has launched her challenge and Peter Dutton is PM by the time you read this)
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