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The Satirist’s Party – No Position Is Too Extreme For Us!

Right, I’ve worked out my path to fame and fortune…

Of course, I’m not necessarily sold that fame and fortune is a worthwhile ambition.

I mean, take Barry O’Sullivan… Barry O’Sullivan that nasty feminist who tried to suggest rude things about another Senate member today. He again became momentarily famous when Di Natale called him a “sexist pig” which is rather nasty given his round face and his nose does actually make him more than a little pig-like. And even more nasty when he told us a couple of weeks ago that he was becoming a woman so that he couldn’t be attacked… Whatever, given Bazza’s so far out there that he’s lost any winnable spot on the LNP Senate ticket even in Queensland, I suspect that his idea is that if he just becomes offensive and famous enough in his last throes as a senator, then Pauline will court him and he’ll be re-elected as a PHON member leaving him free to follow the consistent path of PHON senators of leaving the party to join another party before deciding that doesn’t suit him either…

Anyway, I’ve decided that I should start a party called “The Satirists’ Party”. I mean, think of the advantages. Those who understand the meaning of the word “satire” would think it hilarious and vote for us out of a sense of irony; those supporting Cory and Pauline and Tony might vote for us because they think that we’re serious and they’re sick of those people who only want to prevent future immigration and are happy to support a party who’d abolish immigration retrospectively… Not quite understanding that they themselves may be caught up in any retrospective legislation!

I don’t want you to think of my new party as a single issue party. We have a number of policies:

  1. Compulsory sausage sizzles at all elections so you don’t go down there to vote and discover that you’ll have to make your own lunch because you’re wife is out.
  2. No more slogans. I repeat, “NO MORE SLOGANS”
  3. No quotas for women but more than fifty percent female MPs. And more than fifty percent for men too.
  4. One million jobs! That’s right, I guarantee that there will be at least a million jobs in Australia.
  5. No replacing your leader. I mean, I’ll be leader so why would you want to replace me… But just in case you consider it, you can’t.
  6. Sunshine and lollipops, but no climate change. Of course, the climate changes all the time, but any suggestion that humans can affect anything that happens on Earth will be punishable by a sentence of being forced to listen to thousand hours of “The Bolt Report”.
  7. Balanced budgets but no taxation.

Yep, that’s about it for now. I’m prepared to sign a contract like Abbott did…

Actually, is that enforceable, given that not only didn’t we sign it, Abbott is at least two PMs ago?

(I’m being circumspect in case Julie has launched her challenge and Peter Dutton is PM by the time you read this)

 

 

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20 comments

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  1. george theodoridis

    Put my name in. It’s Aristophanes.
    Love a good satire and this Parliament is the very eye of the satire swirl.
    I’m in.

    No more slogans! No more jobs ‘n growth! Fish n chips and coal for all!

  2. Shaun Newman

    The cover photo – a picture tells a thousand words!

  3. Shaun Newman

    L’NP progression first they were a joke, then a circus progressed to a catastrophe and have finally ended up a laughing stock.

  4. Aortic

    What an insult to pigs Senator Di Natalie.

  5. DrakeN

    Indeed, Aortic.

    I felt highly offended on behalf of my porcine friends.

    Boars they may be; but bores they are certainly not 😉

  6. Kronomex

    Scummo’s show and tell in parliament. That’s not a piece of coal it’s his brain after mining corporation doctors removed it when he complained of compassion and caring and replaced it with a real piece of coal. LNPitis shrinks and hardens brain matter.

  7. Josephus

    The Abbot eating a raw onion in red underpants, Downer in fish net tights; potato face wooing Afrikaner farmers. Morrison ‘s coal lump and his vulgar baseball caps. Pawline in her burka. So much material for satirists/ comedians. University student rags have ample sources to make us laugh and cry at once. The few exceptions seem like creatures from Mars. Seems the Nationals are running a phone-in opinion poll without saying who they are, but as their questions are so asinine and loaded it is easy to guess who they are. Lore n’ order and so forth. Pigs are intelligent- elect them rather. That said, at least Senator Waters and others are calling for an ICAC. Might empty the trough a bit.

  8. lawrence winder

    Nahh… you’ve no hope, as this ruling rabble have killed satire like Malevich killed painting back in 1916. You can’t be funnier than them either because the IPA have collared that territory and Tommy Switzer has pegged out tragedy.
    Face it, they have won.

  9. Pappinbarra Fox

    You see listening to Bolt Reports is not punishment. It is pleasure or if needed re-education. That’s an idea the Country party stole from Chairman Mao along with all their agrarian socialist policies. When they changed to Nationals they became the party of big business and forgot their country people constituents. They are no longer Country Members.
    Sorry too much satire for a Wednesday morning.

  10. Pilot

    Pappinbarra Fox, “They are no longer Country Members.

    We’ll remember, lmao!!!

    Those who weren’t around in the 70s, may not get this, but us old farts remember it well…. Thank you Gough!!

    (“Hey, I’m a Country member………”)

  11. David1

    Good riddance to the slob O’Sullivan, he has contributed nothing of worth to his time in the Senate. Meanwhile his business investments flourished…oh sorry of course his families business. For babbling Bazza it is the Schultz defence…’I know nothing’.

    Just a quick aside off topic, re broadband speed. Residing now on the East Coast of the Nth Island in Aotearoa on the Coromandel Peninsula, speed is beyond what I expected. On the fiber to the home plan bundled, my average speed is between 30 and 35 Mbit/sec download with unlimited data at $78 NZ dollars per month. Compared to the outdated copper rubbish the Conservatives are dishing up in Australia, what a joy. The Jacinda Ardern Labour led Govt continues to update the countries broadband systems to get the best.

    I hope Bill Shorten and his team have plans to do something with the nonsense you are putting up with in Oz.
    As always a great read Ross

  12. Adrianne Haddow

    I must reread Animal Farm…… Di Natale’s reference to pigs is extremely apt when you look at the behaviour of the LNP/IPA government.

    Great idea Rossleigh re the Satirist Party.
    We’ve got the Hunters and Shooters and Fishers Party, we’ve got PHONey party, we’ve almost got the Old White Men Freedom to Insult Party so I think the time is overdue for a political party that actually uses their intelligence rather than their carnal instincts.

  13. Kronomex

    You can bet O’Sullivan is one of the LNP gang that squeals loudly every time the negative gearing rort is raised, he currently has 49 “investment” properties and is bound to add more to his little empire. Oink, trough good,oink, oink, slobber, slurp.

  14. helvityni

    …it looks like Scomo’s ship is sinking, Julia Banks jumped out just in time….?

  15. New England Cocky

    @Pilot, @PF: Ah, I remember it well ….. the 1976 (?) Country Party Annual Conference in Armidale …. the debate against changing the name “to better reflect the party’s “values” (Adultery, Alcoholism, Avarice, Bigotry, Misogyny, Racism) and immediately before Joh Blelgke-Petersen’s challenge for the Federal Lower House …. and 300/600 delegates resigning from the party as they left the Armidale Servies Auditorium.

    The National$ have never recovered, being reduced to importing booth workers from other depressed rural electorates where an election is THE major social event on the tri-ennial social calendar ….. or letting the Sydney Liarbrals send PAID BOOTH WORKERS 500+ km from Sydney to man the pre-poll booths in Armidale ….. for both state and Federal elections.

  16. terence mills

    In the meantime in New York Liberal back-bencher Ann Sudmalis continues with her study tour at the United Nations (along with Jenny Macklin – neither of whom will be standing for re-election at the election in May next year).

    So you may well wonder what value this trip to NY is to the broader Australian community but that’s a question for another day.

    What is quite interesting is that Morrison does not want Ms Sudmalis back in parliament for the remaining sittings this year as she is yet another female Liberal parliamentarian who is disenchanted with the Liberal party’s treatment of women and were she to come back before the close of this parliamentary sitting year, she would quite likely resign from the Liberal party and join the group of strong women gathering on the cross-bench.

    WATCH THIS SPACE

  17. Rossleigh

    Just heard an ideal candidate for the party on talkback radio.

    He rang up to say he didn’t approve of quotas for women because people would vote in women if they wanted them. When asked whether the result in Victoria (Labor have almost 50% women, the LNP have as many people called David as they do female MPs) suggested that he was out of step, he said that he wasn’t; it was because we have an electoral system that no longer reflects the wishes of the people… Then to finish off, he announced that clearly the electorate didn’t want female candidates because they hadn’t elected any and quotas were just feminists trying to impose their will.
    Interesting that an electoral system doesn’t reflect the will of the people while simultanesly proving that it also shows that it proves that the people don’t want women in Parliament.
    If only I had his number, I’d text him to tell him that my party want him to stand because we have a quota that demands we have a certain number of intelligent people and we’ve already exceeded that so we need someone like him for balance.

  18. Josephus

    Rossleigh don’t ever stop writing for us all.

  19. Patagonian

    Banks isn’t the only one. That fat rat Craig Kelly is going to stand as an independent. I hope he gets slaughtered in the election. A typical example of a trough feeder, devoid of talent and thick as pig shit, along with Anning, Leyonwhateverhisname is, O’sullivan, Barnyard and MacDonald the non-reader of government reports. Troglodytes the lot of them, irrelevancies in a world that has long since moved on. If they weren’t blokes, they would never have been pre-selected.

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