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The New Ministry

Most people agree that if Malcolm Turnbull is returned with a reduced majority, he will be under threat from the right wing of his party. He turns 62 this year and is wealthy enough to never have to worry about money even without his very generous parliamentary retirement allowances.

Julie Bishop will turn 60 shortly. She seems to be enjoying “living the dream”, as she described it, but how much longer will her boyfriend want to go to work with her?

It is quite conceivable that we could fairly quickly end up with an entirely different cabinet to what Malcolm is proposing.

Imagine….

Prime Minister The Hon Scott Morrison MP

Deputy Prime Minister, Minister for Dams, Abattoirs and Mining The Hon Barnaby Joyce MP (proudly sponsored by Gina Rinehart)

Minister for Ignoring Foreign Affairs The Hon Peter Dutton MP

Minister for Deregulation, Free Trade and Privatisation The Hon Tim Wilson MP

Attorney-General, Minister for Classical Art and Books Senator the Hon George Brandis QC

Treasurer, Minister for Propaganda Senator the Hon Mathias Cormann

Minister for Small Businesses earning less than a trillion The Hon Kelly O’Dwyer MP

Minister for Fast Foods Senator the Hon Fiona Nash

Minister for Blacksmiths, Alchemy, Phrenology and Ice Ages Senator the Hon Eric Abetz

Minister for Assimilation and Border Protection, Minister for Safe Schools The Hon George Christensen MP

Bestest Minister for the Environment in the Whole Wide World (as acclaimed by OPEC) The Hon Greg Hunt MP

Minister for Aged Care The Hon Sophie Mirabella MP

Minister for Wars, Defence Materiel and Flags The Hon Anthony Abbott

Minister for Communications (Position made redundant)

Minister for Women Against Feminism, Minister for Union Bashing Senator the Hon Michaelia Cash

Minister for Families and Morality Senator the Hon Cory Bernardi

Cardinal for Education (by heavenly assent) George Pell

The Health Department is currently under efficiency review

There but by the grace of the ballot paper go I? Think carefully Australia. It’s not beyond the realms of possibility.


49 comments

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  1. Athena

    Minister for Assimilation and Border Protection, Minister for Safe Schools Minister for Tinfoil Hats The Hon George Christensen MP

  2. DisablednDesperate

    You sure know how to ruin ones day lol

  3. Kaye Lee

    Minister for Assimilation and Border Protection, Minister for Safe Schools, Minister for Tinfoil Hats, Minister for Fizzy Drink The Hon George Christensen MP

  4. Sir ScotchMistery

    Minister for maggots and other human detritus @michaeliacash

  5. helvityni

    What a clever scare campaign, Kaye, this ought frighten off even the most loyal Liberal voters 🙂

    Seeing those four horrors all lined up will give me nightmares…

  6. Kizhmet

    Kaye Lee you are really very scary … And very likely not too far off the mark. Be afraid Australia. Be very afraid.

  7. Kaye Lee

    What is really scary is that the Liberal and National parties preselect these “resident nutters” in safe seats or put them at the top of their Senate tickets, and then give them Ministries.

    As Keating would say “Is that all there is?” Are these their finest? “God help us” or better still…Coalition voters, get involved in your parties, get rid of the rubbish….the average age of preselectors is about 92 and the Young Liberals are like tape recorders with their mantra of “small government, free market, nanny state, evil socialism” – talk to them and they don’t have a clue what any of that even means – they are there for the pissups followed by a job as a staffer and then political appointment. Not an original thought among them, just arrogant self-belief

  8. jimhaz

    Kevin Andrews – Minister for Enabling Religious Graft and Removing Social Services.

  9. jimhaz

    Andrew Hastie – Ass Minister to Cory Bernadi (to me he is a dobblegganger) and Minister for Uniform Protocol

  10. corvus boreus

    Minister for Weddings and the management of surprises – the Hon Christopher Pyne.

  11. Athena

    Minister for Marriage Counselling That Nobody Wants – Kevin Andrews

    Minister for Mincing Poodles – Christopher Pyne

  12. Athena

    Minister for Woodchipping Native Forests and Feeding into Powerstations – Greg Hunt

  13. Kaye Lee

    I’m not sure who deserves the Ministry of Nod but Sarah Henderson puts a lot of effort into calling out “Shame” and “Hear Hear”. Karen MacNamara is growing into the job and Natasha Griggs deserves nodding mention. Luke Hartsuyker and Andrew Nikolic are also contenders…..so many Noddies who supported Big Ears it’s hard to choose.

  14. Athena

    Minister for Crushing Uluru for the East West Link – Greg Hunt

  15. Athena

    Minister for Toasters – Kelly O’Dwyer

  16. Matters Not

    Deputy Prime Minister, Minister for Dams, Abattoirs and Mining The Hon Barnaby Joyce MP (proudly sponsored by Gina Rinehart)

    Barnaby won’t be happy. His special interest in ‘line dancing’ is completely ignored.

    But seriously, Malware’s probable loss of many seats (most of whom are his party room supporters who picked him out of desperation) suggests that he will be a seriously wounded PM. Magnifying his problem will be a National ‘party room’ determined to get a more favourable agreement. The detail of which will never be part of the public record – an irony, given the Libs espoused belief in ‘transparency’ and the like. But the nuts and bolts of which will become obvious with the allocation of ‘portfolios’ and the names and powers given to same.

    Of course after this election, there is the real possibility that Barnaby will only be part of the historical record. Just remembered for his ‘line dancing’.

    But probably not. Barnaby’s endless, promised supply of ‘pork’ will probably win the day.

  17. Kaye Lee

    Nigel Scullion – Minister for Looking like you give a shit – a tough gig considering what he is working with

  18. Keitha Granville

    OMG – agree Kizhmet be VERY VERY afraid.

    The average LNP voter is at the top of the finance tree so they don’t care, or the bottom of the brains tree so they don’t know they don’t care.

    Either way, we’re shafted

  19. Athena

    Barnaby is about to be outdone with the supply of pork by the Toaster Queen.

  20. Freethinker

    It is possibility, a big possibility and our only hope will be that they will come so draconian that will upset the senate to the point to paralyze the government.

  21. silkworm

    Minister for Money Laundering and Water Management, Senator Arfur $inidino$.

  22. Gangey1959

    But imagine the fun and games when they are all lined up against the wall for their turkey, oops, I mean photo shoot.
    You guys can bring the coldies and a barbie for the sausages, and me and a few blokes I know with the right sports equipment will provide the entertainment.
    Sell tickets, and between them and the tv rights the Coldstream Puppy Shelter will make a killing. Oops again. I mean a squillion.

  23. Matters Not

    Senator Arfur $inidino$

    Perhaps a better ‘moniker’ for Arfur is: Senator SeeNoDonors. After all, he has no recollection as to whom he has donated, while at the same time he has no recollection of receiving such donations. From his own authorisation.

    Not a case of ‘left hand’ not knowing what the ‘right hand’ is doing. But simply denying the existence of same. That’s powerful bullsh@t.

    He has taken the ‘double-blind’ concept to a new level of … Mind boggling.

  24. FreeThinker

    An ugly dissonant political group awaits in the wings of the Liberal Party, to heavy Malcolm Turnbull on policy if he wins government, or, to oust him if fails next Saturday.

    This is the Liberal’s ABBA group, those sinister knights, four horsemen of the apocalypse : Abbott, Brandis, Bernardi and Abetz.

    And Kaye Lee, as you note there, there are at least a dozen more of equality ‘quality’ as reservists, in their passionate quest to turn Australia in the the dream plutocratic state of this Murdoch – IPA pressure group.

    Vote very carefully on the 2nd July, particularly in the Senate.

  25. Miriam English

    I almost hope they do get elected so Australia gets a good, solid, scary wakeup call. The idiots who vote for the LNP have been asleep for so long they need to get jolted awake. Unfortunately it sends chills down my spine thinking of all the damage they could do in another 3 years (or is it 4? I can never remember).

    I really wish these crooks, charlatans, and bigots didn’t have “honourable” in their title; they are the very antithesis of that. When someone requires people to refer to them as “honourable” it always seems to me very suspicious. I feel trust and respect should be difficult to earn and easy to lose. Not something you walk into like a new office, whether it fits or not. Calling a dishonourable person “honourable” is to tear holes in language and meaning.

  26. jim

    The Liberal Government treats our senior Australians as a burden. They are cutting seniors concessions & pensions, attacking the superannuation system, increasing the cost of healthcare and medicines, and ripping money out of aged care.
    ”. Never ever have we had such a deceptive, untrustworthy, morally bankrupt, corrupt government in our history. We actually now EXPECT them to lie. I actually don’t think they can tell the difference anymore. They take NO ownership for their stuff ups. Everything is always someone else’s fault. Blame Labor. Blame unions. Blame UNESCO. Blame other countries. Blame anyone but The Liberal Party of Australia.

    They’ve had 3 years to fix the so called budget emergency but no; they increased debt, increased our deficit and cut the essentials out of essential services. They have lowered the respect people had for us in other countries. They have set us back financially, humanely, environmentally and morally. They have divided us and pitted us against each other. We are all as paranoid as can be and trust no one. They use Murdoch’s media to whip up scare campaigns and spread malicious gossip. They use two bit grumpy old talk back hosts to justify their diabolical screw ups.

    They rob the poor to pay off the rich. The divide between the battler and the billionaire has never been greater. They have the audacity to tell us mugs that the age of entitlement is over whilst they take it in turns like pigs at the public purse trough. Well that’s it. Enough is enough. I don’t care who you vote for as long as you don’t put a ‘1’ beside The Liberal Party of Australia.

    I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore put LNP Last.

  27. z

    exactly same feeling with you, Jim. no more 3 years for them for sure

  28. Jaquix

    Can you post this to Facebook, Kaye, its likely to catch on with even more brilliant suggestions.

  29. Kaye Lee

    Jaquix,

    Facebook is a funny place. Our articles get posted to the AIMN page

    https://www.facebook.com/TheAustralianIndependentMediaNetwork

    One commenter responded “You promise? Great! We need more like them and less like you…. These people are worth 10 of you any day of the week.”

  30. Michael Taylor

    Kaye, I just checked that out. What a nut job!

    Jacqix, looking at the Facebook icon at the bottom of Kaye’s article I can see that over 1,000 people/groups have shared it on their Facebook page.

  31. Kaye Lee

    People like him help our cause Michael. Not many people could look at that line up and not be afraid regardless of who they vote for.

  32. Neil of Sydney

    increased our deficit

    No they did not. Swan ran deficit budgets of $27B, $54B, $47B, $43B, $18B and $48B.

    Hockeys first deficit was $38B. So the Coalition deficits are similar but they are not larger.

    I think it shows how great Costello was. He ran 9 surplus budgets out of 11 and still funded everything at a good level.

    To get the budget back into surplus we need spending cuts but nobody wants to do it.

  33. helvityni

    Neil, what did Howard and Costello do with all the monies from mining…? Saved some for a rainy day?

    Swan had to get us through the GFC, and he did it, the world was envious of us for once.

  34. Athena

    “Neil, what did Howard and Costello do with all the monies from mining…? Saved some for a rainy day?”

    They pissed it up the wall (the proceeds from selling off our profit-making assets) in the form of middle class welfare.

  35. Kaye Lee

    Neil,

    You ascribe the $48 billion deficit for 2013-14 to Labor even though Hockey was Treasurer for almost ten months of that year and, in his first MYEFO made spending decisions which added significantly to that deficit eg he borrowed $8.8 billion to give to the RBA. The idea that they desperately needed that money was blown away when he started withdrawing dividends from them to prop us his budget numbers. The RBA had said we don’t need money put in if you stop taking money out – we will build it up slowly….but no….Joe was too busy fiddling the books.

    “THE federal government received a dividend of $1.9 billion from the Reserve Bank for the 2014/15 financial year.”

  36. Neil of Sydney

    Neil, what did Howard and Costello do with all the monies from mining

    And you people wonder why i am repetitive. I have to be. For the one milionth time. The mining boom did not start until 2004. The biggest mining boom and best terms of trade in our history was from 2008-2013 ie under Rudd/Gillard. Get it?

    But what did H/C do? Well for starters they paid off $96B of debt meaning we were debt free when the GFC hit. We were most probably one of the few countries in human history with no debt. They started a $80B Future Fund and left $44B in the kitty. They saved $96B + $80B +$44B = $220B in just 11 years.

    And that is just for starters. I could go on.

    You ascribe the $48 billion deficit for 2013-14 to Labor

    Whoever brings down the budget owns the budget. I will give you the $8.8B however

  37. Ray

    Neil; Costello and Howard did nothing with the money.No infrastructure was done for our future.Our cites public transport is a joke.They were very small men.They have no vision apart from T party ideology.

  38. Bacchus

    “Getting” The AIM Network?

    Neil posted that exact same comment 25 times in 2008, 127 times in 2009, 143 times in 2010, 234 times in 2011, 136 times in 2012…. 😉

  39. Ray

    Can I ask you Neil has Labor had or have any policies that you admire ?

  40. Freethinker

    Neil said, quote:
    I think it shows how great Costello was. He ran 9 surplus budgets out of 11 and still funded everything at a good level.

    Neil, Costello have surplus because Howard and him have done nothing.
    The IMF regards Howard Costello as the era of “fiscal profligacy”
    The Whitlam government ran budget surpluses in 1972-73, 1973-74 and 1974-75 and only in 1975-76 was there a deficit; whilst at the same time, there was zero (or rather negative) net government debt in 1972-73 which ran right through to 1975-76.
    Note run on zero debt.
    But we have to add what Gough have done during that time:
    UNIVERSAL HEALTHCARE
    EDUCATION FOR ALL
    CHINA relationship
    SEWAGE TO THE SUBURBS (not a state problem like said the federal governments after him)
    End of VIETNAM WAR
    THE ARTS
    NO FAULTS DIVORCE through the Family Law Act 1975.
    RACIAL DISCRIMINATION ACT
    PROTECTION OF THE BARRIER REEF BY NOT ALLOWING OIL EXPLORATION
    NATIONAL PARKS

  41. Michael Taylor

    Ray, may I answer that question even though it was directed to Neil?

    You won’t get an answer.

    We have asked Neil that same question at least a thousand times since 2006 (that’s how long many of us here have known Neil). He refuses to answer, instead attacking the same old thing about Labor time after time.

    Stick around, you’ll soon see how monotonous it gets.

  42. Ray

    That maybe that is the case.Though every thing seems to frustrate me these days. No Debates by people these days. everyone stays in their own little groups or Ideologies. We’ve had one pathetic debate by our potential leaders.Young ones don’t vote because they’ve all got their heads up their own arse especially with technology. I am with the Liberals with hardliner boarder protection. And I care more about live animals being mistreated.We could stop that tomorrow by sending them frozen meat. Fxxx their beliefs.

  43. Neil of Sydney

    Neil posted that exact same comment 25 times in 2008, 127 times in 2009, 143 times in 2010, 234 times in 2011, 136 times in 2012

    And why is that Bacchus? Hello by the way. Here is one reason i repeat myself

    Neil; Costello and Howard did nothing with the money.No infrastructure was done for our future.

    I have answered this question one million times. What infrastructure did Hawke/keating build? But i can start with this

    http://www.budget.gov.au/2005-06/ministerial/html/dotars-19.htm

  44. Ray

    Neil So by your answer you agree that Costello and Howard did nothing.Thank you I see we agree on this, We are getting somewhere. Now is there any policy of Labors that you like ?? just one ?

  45. Neil of Sydney

    Ray

    Please explain. I would never admit to what you say. But here are some H/C did

    -Leadership of the United Nations mission to restore independence and democracy to East Timor
    -lifting productivity on Australia’s waterfront to world standards
    – establishment of the National Community Crime Prevention Programme
    -an increase in the number of apprentices in training by more than two-and-a-half times – from 154,800 in March 1996 to 397,400 by December 2006
    -an increase in the number of higher education students from 659,000 in 1997 to 1,029 846 in 2007
    -the establishment of a specific Future Fund, providing for the future superannuation liabilities of Australian public servants
    -Priority for school-to-work programs such as Jobs Pathway and enterprise education
    -the introduction of the Work for the Dole program, helping to get long-term unemployed back into the workforce
    -a nationwide strategy to involve communities in the protection of the environment through the establishment with the States of catchment management authorities across the continent under the Natural Heritage Trust and the National Action Plan for Salinity and Water Quality
    -setting new international standards in the protection of marine areas by expanding from 5 per cent to 33 percent the proportion of the Great Barrier Reef Marine Park protected from exploitation
    -establishing the National Oceans Office and the commencement of marine protected areas around the entire continental shelf
    -establishment of the National Heritage Council and the National Heritage list for the effective protection of Australia’s national heritage
    -building of the National Portrait Gallery and planning the new Museum of Democracy
    -the Alice Springs – Darwin railway
    -Instituting nation-wide gun controls following the Port Arthur massacre
    -eliminating Labor’s $96 billon government debt – by 2007 Australia was saving $8.8 billion a year in interest payments
    -decline in number of households dependent on government pensions and allowances from 28.5 per cent in 1994-95 to 23.2 per cent in 2007-08
    -restoring Australia’s AAA credit rating
    -establishing the Charter of Budget Honesty and the independence of the Reserve Bank to manage monetary policy
    -New prudential supervision of financial institutions through the Australian Prudential Regulatory Authority (APRA)
    -providing the largest tax relief in Australia’s history, and a much fairer tax system from 2000 with the introduction of the Goods and Services Tax (GST) – followed by further tax relief in 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006 and 2007

  46. jimhaz

    [an increase in the number of apprentices in training by more than two-and-a-half times – from 154,800 in March 1996 to 397,400 by December 2006]

    The LNP’s small government ideology is doing nothing for Canberra, particularly Canberra apprentices.

    “The number of apprentices in the Canberra has fallen nearly a third since the Coalition government was elected in 2013, causing concern among industry leaders”

    http://www.smh.com.au/act-news/canberra-apprentice-numbers-drop-nearly-30-per-cent-in-two-years-20160627-gpspbq.html

    As JH was in for 11 years one would have to expect some winners. Not many left though after I drop 2/3rds of what you’ve indicated as “so so”, ultimately negative, the end result not being related to JH policies, or something that the ALP would have also done.

    Future Fund and Gun Control – got big ticks.

  47. Miriam English

    “a much fairer tax system from 2000 with the introduction of the Goods and Services Tax (GST)”

    A GST unfairly targets the poorest in society. Giving the richest in society tax cuts after tax cuts does nothing to help Australia. It has been proven time and time again that “trickle-down” economics does not work because it is actually trickle-up, bleeding the bulk of society to enrich the already wealthy.

  48. Bacchus

    Many forget that GST election Miriam. My recollection is that Howard got less than 50% of the TPP vote and the Democrats got the balance of power in the Senate with the expectation that they’d stop the GST from being introduced.

    When Meg Lees reneged on that promise, it was the beginning of the end for the Democrats, and we’re STILL stuck with the GST.

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