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The miracle of Brother Scott and the Mammonites

Even taking into account the brown paper bag kakocracies of Johannes Bjelke-Petersen and Robert Askin or the dodgy brothers operations of Fast Eddie Obeid, Joe Tripodi and Sir Lunchalot McDonald of Terrigals infamy there can be little doubt that we are now experiencing the most rancid regime in our history.

It has become apparent via the post-election rorting scandals that Brother Scott Morrison did not leave his electoral fortunes entirely in the hands of the Infinite Spirit. Perhaps ScoBro felt that the Big Guy could not be totally relied upon to deliver the much coveted miraculous election win despite his fervent swaying and praying being topped-up with his salary sacrificing to Jesus via the Horizon Church (sic) retail showrooms.

Holy payola was obviously seen as no guarantee of favours to be repaid so a backup plan must’ve been thought necessary – the bribing of mere mortals within at-risk and marginal electorates with hundreds of millions of re-purposed tax payer dollars. It was a risk mitigation strategy – after all if the celestial CEO had spent 6 days of hard slog creationing and you’re intent on salting the earth at the centre of it all then you need to hedge your bets. (Backing off the Big Guy with the Mosman Rowing Club and its ilk seems a tad blasphemous to me, but then I’m no theologian; but ScoBro’s deity will be across all of the nuances of religious-based commercial transactions I’m sure).

It seems that Jehovah & Co. were cool with all of that – delivering the requested miracle, albeit caveated by a tiny 2 seat majority. Perhaps with the blatant lies, the fraudulent election posters, Greasy Palmer’s $80M down payment for future favours and their 6 year track record of deceit, incompetence and graft the Big Guy was not convinced enough to give his full endorsement.

Regardless, we are stuck with these criminals for another 2 years – a frontbench that reminds me of Halloween trick or treaters from the burns ward and a backbench the like of which you’d expect to find under a serial killer’s floorboards.

We have a dysfunctional ragtag collection of misfits and spivs led, for the moment, by a smirking, incompetent and incontinent space invader from The Shire and a bobble-headed nonentity from Wagga Wagga, the Talking Thumb, who’s clearly been snacking on the Clag. As awful as this pair are they are both under threat from within by even worse alternatives. Kommondant Herr Spud-Dutton, the sadistic, neo-fascist rhizome from Dickson and Tamworth’s Barking Barmy, a purple-headed poster boy for a campaign warning women not to leave their drinks unattended and who has the coherence of a drunk on a bus shaken awake by a pot hole.

This L/NP is a coagulation of weirdos and shonks that is not so much a party as a death-of-democracy wake attended by flatulent aunts, uncle pervys, bagmen, corporate apple polishers, onanists, loose stools, Dogger’s Guidebook subscribers, sky pilots and scorched earthers.

Their grifters would not think twice about selling shares in a Rolf Harris Child Care Centre franchise to the befuddled in the nation’s raisin farms.

The autocrats within would happily taser widows and set fire to homeless people.

The door rattlers would steal from disabled kiddies’ Christmas stockings.

They have a bell-bottomed, helmet-haired harridan with a pebble-creted vajazzle who remains in AFP witness protection. There’s a bloated Filippino slum tourist whose oft-threatened crossing of the floor has been limited to-date to getting from the pole dancing to the titty bar and whose weight loss regime consists of taking a shit and having a haircut. There are water thieves and grass poisoners; there’s a Treasurer who provides us with all of the confidence of a recalled airbag; there’s an automatronic Finance Minister who’s as empathetic as a proctologist’s forefinger and a nut farm escapee who conjectures that a greenie conspiracy set the country ablaze to … wait for it … save the trees.

In short, we have weirdos, freaks and dullards; but their primary, shared characteristic is that they are all liars and thieves.

They’ve tried and tested a range of methods to avoid scrutiny – showing at least they had some small sense of shame. But now their deviousness has morphed into chutzpah; they’re playing the Trump card – “what are you going to do about it?”

So it is, unbelievably, getting worse. I feel a little bit of sick in the back of my throat. God save us.

(Thx to Frankie Boyle for a few of those insults).

This article was originally published on The Grumpy Geezer.

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  1. marie lewsey

    thank you for your eloquent description, would be entertaining & funny if not so horribly true. Whatever can we do about it?

  2. pierre wilkinson

    great stuff, Grumpy
    these human excrement are the pimples on the bum of politics
    just two by-elections from a vote of no confidence unless the Senate will actually be representative for a change

  3. Claudio Pompili

    Love it when you talk dirty GG….don’t lose the passion…there are many of us like you out in here despairing in Aussie land. Agree that the LNP crooks are beyond shame and in full-blown arrogance…they can simply ignore everyone safe in the knowledge that nothing can bring them down except….were the ALP to ever really consider the good of the county they would rally the Greens and any other progressives and mount a pincer movement to withhold supply and pass a vote of no confidence. This might lead to a double dissolution but even then….

  4. Phil Pryor

    No energy to compete, but well said of our shitstains on the political undies of Australia.., the land down under where you look down under for the political leadership, down under a sick pig’s tail. We have funny fascists fighting for career, glory, fame, notice, pussy and free beer (New England’s sick goat is) so after two more years of morons, crooks, frauds, incrowd delusions and deviations, these filthy fakes will take us down below the chance to get upright again. Morrison to a Gillard or Hawke is as a midden stool to a mountain range.

  5. Henry Rodrigues

    GG your descriptions of these creeps is worth bottling. But they will continue as if you’ve just showered them with flowers, so thick skinned are these bastards. Just as thick skinned as Murdoch and the rest of the corrupt media. But don’t stop, you make my day.

  6. Geoff Andrews

    GG4GG; GG4GG!!
    (This is not a cryptic wam bam Mam)

  7. corvusboreus


    Me too could/would vote,
    Grumpy Geezer for G G.
    Lizzy might differ.

    ps, noted dat no cryptic wam bam Mam intended.

  8. Kathryn

    Not a single day goes by that we are not confronted with yet ANOTHER LNP rort, another criminal act of fraudulent misappropriation of taxpayer funds, yet more and MORE revelations about LNP depravity, more lies, ceaseless broken promises, relentless chaos and inner-party political back fighting, treacherous instability and traitorous, power-hungry backstabbing!

    Every day, never-ending news highlighting the LNP’s unspeakable bible-thumping hypocrisy, incidences of sniggering, smirking arrogance, barely disguised misogyny, the appalling defence and support of predatory paedophiles (like George Pell). Not a day goes by when we are not bombarded with endless examples of the LNP’s hopelessly inept mismanagement and waste of countless millions of hard-earned taxpayer funds that have been channelled into their own “pet” projects (thus enriching themselves) or used to further enrich and empower the LNP’s obscenely rich and powerful donors!

    Never before in our history have we seen a government so steeped in corruption, so depraved, so condescending and so arrogant! Make no mistake about it, this is a morally bankrupt, born-to-rule pack of barbaric, callously inhumane FASCISTS who have exhibited an absolutely appalling disregard for the laws and moral codes that bind the rest of us. The fact that this MONSTROUS regime have the undisguised support of the, now, thoroughly discredited AFP and dubious judiciary, says SO MUCH about the inexorable decline our country is now undergoing in every imaginable way!

    Our international reputation as a (once) respectable leading democracy has found its way into an open sewer ranking us almost on the same level as corrupt dictatorships like Zimbabwe or Uzbekistan. Morrison is now modelling himself on the self-deluded and openly corrupt Donald Trump – not surprising, considering that Morrison openly paraded himself as a cloying, salivating lapdog to Trump on SlowMo’s (internationally embarrassing) recent trip kowtowing to the worst president in America’s history!

    Our police force are now militarised with semi-automatic assault rifles in order to enforce the acceleration of our deteriorating “democracy”;
    Our economy is in tatters with a national deficit now nearing ONE TRILLION DOLLARS,
    Everything we once owned now sold to the highest foreign-owned bidder (including our precious water resources),
    Our rivers polluted, our environment pillaged, raped and vandalised by foreign-owned predators for the sake of a transient profit that NONE OF US will ever share in – a profit quickly exported and all of us betrayed because these predators are filling the coffers of the LNP with million$ in underhand parliamentary donations!
    Every day supermarket prices are skyrocketing, Australian icons are shutting down or privatised;
    Huge rates of unemployment or under-employment totally DENIED by the lying, conniving Marketing Monster (MorriScum) and his self-deluded, smug and entitled cabinet of rorting, thieving political parasites!

    In less than seven years, the LNP have created NOTHING, achieved NOTHING, given NOTHING. A pack of stone cold neoliberal capitalists whose regime has benefited NOONE except, of course, THEMSELVES and their billionaire, non-taxpaying donors in the coal- and iron-ore mining industries and the rapacious grubs in the Top 1%.

    Under the fascist jackboot of the LNP, Australia has gone from HERO to ZERO in a terrifying short time!

  9. Michael Taylor

    Kathryn, can we use that as a post?

  10. John OCallaghan

    Kathryn should be offered the opportunity to become a regular writer on this forum as her writing is first class, and congrats to the writer of this exellent piece of writing as well.

  11. Diane Larsen

    Great read GG and superb comment Kathryn

  12. Pingback: The miracle of Brother Scott and the Mammonites #auspol - News Oz

  13. Matters Not


    a national deficit now nearing ONE TRILLION DOLLARS,

    Guess some live in a post-truth world. But apparently it matters not.

  14. corvusboreus

    A bit over half is close to full if you happen to glance at it from the right angle.

  15. Aortic

    Debt and deficit disaster, now where have I heard that before? Great piece Kathryn, more power to your arm.

  16. New England Cocky

    Why did this thread refuse to accept my post?

  17. Kathryn

    Michael, thank you – you may use my comment as a post xx

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