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The Ministry for Misinformation and Wealth Protection

The AIMN has obtained a copy of a draft proposal circulating the Coalition party machine.

In an attempt to better use available resources, state and local governments will be abolished.  All federal and state ministries, departments, advisory bodies, and their employees, will be coalesced into one organisation known as the Ministry for Misinformation and Wealth Protection (MMaWP).

It is estimated that this will eventually result in one million redundancies which will come from, as far as possible, natural attrition.  Retraining as spin doctors will be available to those with a penchant for prevarication.  Others will join a mobile workforce to be deployed wherever the mining or agricultural industries may need them.  Others will build the roads of the 21st century.  Those who refuse will be transferred to an undisclosed location to undergo behavioural rehabilitation followed by resettlement.

MMaWP will be headed by the Creator of all things seen and unseen, Peta Credlin.  Through her all things are made.

The Creator’s wisdom will be disseminated by the Knights of the Star Chamber – Brian Loughnane, Tony Nutt, Andrew Hirst, Mark Textor, Michael Ronaldson and Kevin Andrews.  These six men meet around a table emblazoned with the Star of David to reflect our Judao-Christian heritage.

Appointments have been made on merit.

Two Archanglers will head up Operation Corporate Marauders.

Scott Morrison will be in charge of Misinformation.  He will give a weekly briefing though, due to concerns about wealth security and diplomatic relations with other companies, the time and place of these briefings will be kept secret.

Greg Hunt will head the Wealth Protection program.  He has had 175,000 rubber stamps made and will be sending them to those who are in the top 1% of income earners.  This will save an enormous amount of red-tape as developers and entrepreneurs can be self-regulating.

Advising the Archanglers, there will be a Coalition of Cheaters.

Joe Hockey has a team devoted to getting blood out of a stone.  Discarded stones will be washed away by the rising tide.  Middle-class stones will be put on orange life-rafts while they regenerate more blood for harvesting.  Diamonds will be given a transfusion and accommodated on a fleet of custom built yachts.

Malcom Turnbull will advise on how to sell things you wouldn’t buy.

Andrew Robb has been charged with protecting the wealth of pharmaceutical companies so they can continue to contribute to the Pollie Pedal ride.

Julie Bishop will be in charge of grooming.  It is understood that she has a memorandum of understanding with Armani to provide uniforms for MMaWP officials.  She will also instruct in deportment and the importance of making eye contact.

Christopher Pyne will give back-to-basics direct instruction on indignation.

Anthony Mundine will advise about Aboriginal Muslim sports stars.

Bronwyn Bishop will act as interpreter and mediator.

Tony Abbott will be the face of the MMaWP, available to travel anywhere for a photo opportunity.  Audio will not be allowed.

Banks and Private Health Insurers will remain outside the purview of the Ministry.

Perhaps the most courageous proposal of the MMaWP is to abolish the Australia Sale Act, paving the way for majority foreign ownership of Australia.  They argue that privatising Australia would bring enormous wealth to a few people which will allow them to feed more serfs.  Hungry serfs will find sweatshops off-shore.

Concerned Aussies Gina Rinehart, Rupert Murdoch and Andrew Bolt have put together a partnership which is understood to have made an offer to keep Australia in the hands of Australians.  Their Board of Directors, the IPA, have been in close negotiation with the MMaWP, and insiders have told AIMN that agreement in lack of principle has been reached.

We will endeavour to keep you informed of reaction to, and progress on, this proposal.


37 comments

  1. Dave

    BUT, Who is going to look after the chocolate factorys?

  2. scotchmistery

    How do I put a picture in here, which desperately needs to be seen by the millions of devotees of Ms Miranda Devine, well known media tart of the right?

  3. Kaye Lee

    The chocolate factories have already been looked after and we are looking forward to their ongoing involvement in the next Pollie Pedal Ride…oops tourism…silly me. I have heard that Tony is considering expanding to a pair of purple budgie smugglers.

  4. scotchmistery

    @Dave Eric-a-Wanker. Tasmanian ministry for chocolate fatteries.

  5. Kaye Lee

    scotchmistery,

    I am absolutely certain I don’t want to see that picture. Thanks anyway.

  6. Stephen Tardrew

    Oh joy! Christmas is arriving early.

    Can’t wait to be fertilized.

    Lock out for the riffraff, storm the walls, man the towers.

    After all we are the chosen.

    I have the promise and the promise is me. (Brear Rabbit, drum roll)

    I can see it all now bronze statue, laurel reef, portrait with Queen.

    Oh I go all tingly inside when the riffraff lie.

    In crestfallen pools at my feet.

  7. Fed up

    It appears that Morrison has mislead the house with his personal explanation. True numbers released in the Senate. There are more than the numbers in the newspaper article.

    Senator Ludwig. Documents been tabled, am backing up his assertion.

  8. allenmcmahon

    Some promising ideas in this article and noting that I would seriously object to.

    I think it is important to acknowledge past mistakes and Andrew Bolt is certainly due one for the outrageous treatment he received over one of the finest pieces of journalism that you are ever likely to see in one of Rupert’s rags. And it is well past time that asbestos manufacturers were compensated and allowed to reestablish a fine industry shut down by stupid left minded eco-loons. If over 95% of us are going to be relocated into appropriate housing I say let use the best building material on the bloody planet in our ‘humpies’.

  9. bighead1883

    If this was not all so true Kaye I would be laughing,but you have spelled out most of what we have coming for us.
    Welcome to Corporation America because the US middle class is worth about $38K per family and Australia`s middle class is worth around $143K per family.
    So Hockey has said that the G20 Treasurers wish to create a 2% growth adding $2 trillion to the economy globally.
    That`s how much they will nett when the Australian middle class is worth the same as the US middle class,$2 trillion and all from Australians.

  10. Jane Plane

    Bravo! Kaye

  11. Kaye Lee

    Very interesting article from the conversation thanks Jason. We are bit players in the capitalist scheme. The financial institutions will continue to increase their record profits. The mining companies will make what they can from our resources until mankind demands a move away from fossil fuels. Our wages are too high so only non-labour intensive industries will survive. Unemployment will skyrocket though figures will be disguised by reclassifying people.

  12. jasonblog

    Hmmm… this Kaye Lee satire is sadly closer to the truth than make-believe.

    Last week The Conversation had an article “The Transnational Capitalist” as part of its series on the notion of “Class”. It’s worth checking out https://theconversation.com/class-on-a-global-scale-the-emerging-transnational-capitalists-22940

    Also worth checking out is an article ‘Towards A Ruling Class? Globalization and the Transnational Capitalist’ by William Robinson and Jerry Harris (I only have this as a PDF and can’t provide a link)

    I would also suggest checking out the Transnational Institute’s vast array of resources http://www.tni.org/ is indispensable for understanding how Australian domestic politics has been hi-jacked for the purposes of multi-national corporations.

    In Australia we have the Neo-feudalist IPA adhering to the fascist von Hayek’s agenda to dismantle democracy and trash society so that we are just plebs, at our happiest watching sport… Blah, Blah, Blah… You know the Tony Abbott spiel came from somewhere. Just like Hockey’s lame rising boat analogy.

    A slight tangent, if I may, but it is a curious thing that the parents of Andrew Bolt and Janet Albrechtsen migrated (by boat one assumes) to escape the devastation wrought by fascism in Europe by World War II. And to show their appreciation Andy & Janet express their thanks by contributing to the rise of fascism in Australia. Gee, thanks Andy & Janet… although I suspect Adelaide also has a lot to answer for!

    Rupert Murdoch’s ‘Australian’ newspaper is a loss making colossus & would have to be on its last legs… The window of opportunity to embed the contemporary NAZISM of the Institute of Public Affairs agenda into the Australian way of life is running short. The English born Abbott and his clueless understanding of a democratic Australia is starting to unravel…

    Perhaps all is not lost!

  13. Stephen Tardrew

    Ain’t that the truth Kaye.

    Interesting article jasonblog.

  14. Kaye Lee

    In the interests of sharing the wealth, I have a sure-fire moneymaking scheme for our loyal readers.

    It has been shown that if you buy shares in any company whose logo appears on Tony’s lycra, you are certain to make money.

    Thankfully, financial advice is no longer regulated so “all care taken, no responsibility accepted”

    http://resources1.news.com.au/images/2012/04/01/1226315/781093-tony-abbott.jpg

  15. allenmcmahon

    If we pay extra do we get use a hot iron to brand a logo on a strategic part of his budgie smugglers while he is wearing them.

  16. Kaye Lee

    I will check with the women of Australia and get back to you on that allen but you would have to pay extra for the carbon tax.

  17. Matters Not

    You know the Tony Abbott spiel came from somewhere. Just like Hockey’s lame rising boat analogy.

    Indeed! One must entertain the notion that the IPA agenda is the only ‘policy’ framework that guides the Abbott government. Most of the people however have little or no understanding of the IPA ‘history’ or its basic (philosophical) ‘assumptions’.

    Here’s a Wiki primer.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Institute_of_Public_Affairs

  18. Stephen Tardrew

    God Kaye I just keep getting cats.

    Can’t understand it.

  19. Kaye Lee

    It amazes me that the IPA are given any credibility at all. Tim Wilson was their climate change expert even though he had no training, expertise, or experience in the field. They have just appointed a young woman who graduated from university last year as their expert on the national curriculum. She didn’t study education and has never been a teacher or involved in curriculum development but she did translate a Byzantine document for her thesis. This is her http://www.ipa.org.au/people/stephanie-forrest
    and this is her first salvo

    “The education minister Christopher Pyne has promised to review the Gillard Government’s National History Curriculum. But the curriculum doesn’t need to be reviewed. It needs to be scrapped.

    The hostility towards the legacy of Western Civilisation in the National Curriculum’s history subject demonstrates the absurdity of having a centrally-mandated and government-controlled single curriculum.”

    http://www.ipa.org.au/publications/2223/scrap-the-national-curriculum

  20. allenmcmahon

    To make really big bucks I think selling a kidney is the way to go. While people in India and the Philippines get US$1,500 to $2,000 can you imagine what a neoconservative would pay for a kidney from a white heterosexual male. Be worth at least $10,000 plus a full Disability Support Pension. Not only that I can see most our redneck xenophobes getting greedy and selling both.

  21. Trevor Vivian

    On the face of it this looks like a political party manifesto from the dark side

    Someone will definately be getting the sack this unauthorised release of the future according to the IPA for Australia

    Well now that Kaye Lee has officially become the voice of IPA/ LNP local branch of the global cabal of Rupertismology detailing the every mans guide totaling friends and influencing nobody.

    Thank you AIMN for this early warning heads up of the map.

    No GST on Electricity.

  22. Stephen Tardrew

    Scrap the curriculum

    Bring in the lottery

    Toss up the coin

    Make it up as you go along

    I think we have a solution

  23. Fed up

    How is sending jobs offshore, good for the Australian economy. By the way, the PM deeply regrets.

    Qantas, not happy.

  24. Deb

    Very good! But didn’t Murdoch have to forego Australian citizenship to become a US citizen??

  25. Kaye Lee

    Yes, and Gina lives in Singapore for tax reasons. Satirical licence 🙂

  26. Hotspringer

    Is this a joke? It sounds so real…

  27. Douglas Evans

    Nice piece Kaye Lee and an interesting Conversation article (thanks Jason) I haven’t been keeping tabs on ‘The Conversation’ nearly closely enough since retiring from the fray. Noting that Andrew Self (author of the Conversation article) named the IPA as an example of a local affiliate of the transnational masters of everything reminded me of their ‘Think like Gough’ list of 75 ways to wreck Australia http://ipa.org.au/publications/2080/be-like-gough-75-radical-ideas-to-transform-australia Watching recent responses of the Abbott puppet theatre to industrial collapses – SPC Ardmona, Alcoa, Ford, Toyota Qantas etc – the attacks on the ABC and other events, the correspondence with the IPA hit list struck me. It occurred to me that now that if the IPAs links to transnational capital can be established, it puts an interesting new perspective on whose interests are top priority for Australian government. It would be interesting to keep a running score of how the Government is going with the IPAs agenda. If anyone is interested in knowing who is setting the agenda for this government you might be interested in the IPAs Board of Directors see below and apologies in advance for dumping so much stuff in a comment.

    IPA Board of Directors

    John Roskam
    Executive Director
    Prior to his employment at the IPA, Roskam was the Executive Director of the Menzies Research Centre in Canberra. He has also held positions as Chief of Staff to Dr David Kemp, the Federal Minister for Employment, Education, Training and Youth Affairs, as Senior Advisor to Don Hayward, Victorian Minister for Education in the first Kennett Government, and as Manager of Government and Corporate Affairs for Rio Tinto Group.

    Rod Kemp
    Chairman
    Well known Liberal Party ‘luminary’
    see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rod_Kemp

    Janet Barlow
    Director
    Can’t find any sign of Janet.

    Harold Clough
    Director
    Dr Harold Clough AO, OBE, Cit WA; Son of the founder of Clough. Clough is an engineering and project services contractor servicing the Energy & Chemical and Mining & Mineral markets in Australia and Papua New Guinea. Our services range from early concept evaluation and feasibility studies through design, construction, commissioning and long term asset support and optimisation.

    Tim Duncan
    Director
    Dr Tim Duncan is Head of Australian External Affairs at Rio Tinto. He was the author of the Online Opinion piece ‘Corporate Social responsibility and micro-economic reform’. http://www.onlineopinion.com.au/view.asp?article=1346

    Michael Folie
    Director
    Michael appears to be a self employed consultant in the minerals and energy sector residing in the Melbourne area.

    Bill Hetherington
    Director
    Chairman, Murray Irrigation Limited, Deniliquin, New South Wales, Australia. Author of ‘Privatization Driving Efficiency’ http://www.watertech.cn/english/hetherington.pdf

    Michael Hickinbotham
    Director
    Michael appears to be the director of the Hickinbotham group which owns large land holdings at Roseworthy an Adelaide outer suburb and is seeking rezoning to residential vastly increasing the value of the land holdings see: http://www.adelaidenow.com.au/news/south-australia-state-election-2014/roseworthy-developer-michael-hickinbotham-hosts-500-per-head-liberal-fundraiser/story-fnl3k6uz-1226830608855
    Hickinbotham has strong links to the Liberal Party.

    Geoff Hone
    Director
    Geoff Hone is a special counsel in the corporate group of the ‘leading international law firm’ Ashurst in the Melbourne office. Geoff practises in company law including takeovers, mergers and acquisitions, corporate governance, public issues, and securities regulation generally.
    He has been involved in some of Australia’s most significant commercial transactions, including the takeover bids for BHP by the late Mr Robert Holmes a Court’s Bell Resources Limited (acting for Bell) and the attempts by Harlin Holdings to gain control of Elders IXL Ltd/Foster’s Brewing Group Ltd (acting for Elders). More recently, he has been involved in the proposed takeover bid by BHP Billiton for Rio Tinto.

    Geoff is ranked as one of the world’s leading practitioners in corporate governance by Who’s Who Legal and Euromoney’s Guide to the World’s Leading Corporate Governance Lawyers.
    • University of Melbourne (Bachelor of Laws – Hons)
    • Partner from 1975 to 2012

    Michael Kroger
    Director
    Well known Liberal Party powerbroker see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Kroger

    William Morgan
    Director
    William is the Portfolio Manager of Intrinsic Investment Management, Melbourne Area, Australia see also: Titan Capital Pty Ltd. He has also been involved with: Telsol Pty Ltd (Electronics), Mirvac Group Ltd, Kinhill Engineering. He was educated at RMIT.

    Maurice O’Shannassy
    Director
    Maurice joined the Powerwrap board and was elected (non executive) Chairman in March 2012. He has over 25 years experience in Financial Services, gained mostly in the funds management industry. Having started his career as an Economist with the Federal Treasury, Maurice spent 23 years working for BlackRock Asset Management in various senior funds management roles based in London, Hong Kong, Singapore and finally as CEO of BlackRock Australia, a position he held until the end of 2010. He sits on a number of Boards.

    Powerwrap is an independent financial services company that provides expert investment execution, investment reporting and tax management for Financial Advisers. The Powerwrap service is fully compliant with the Government’s Future of Financial Advice (FoFA) reform agenda.

    With access to over 1,000 managed funds, separately managed accounts, term deposits, insurance products and direct equities, Powerwrap facilitates the execution and administration of all client investments online.

    Allan Pidgeon
    Director
    Aged Care Queensland boss Allan Pidgeon, a former state Liberal candidate who was once embroiled in an election campaign scandal with Senator Santoro, yesterday admitted to lobbying his “old friend” while he was in the Howard Government ministry.

    Mr Pidgeon, thanked for his loyalty by Senator Santoro in his maiden speech to the Senate in 2002, earlier this year even wrote a letter to a local newspaper attacking Labor for its “alarmist” criticism of the aged-care sector and Senator Santoro.

    See article: http://www.theaustralian.com.au/archive/news/friend-of-santoro-lobbied-him-for-industry-body/story-e6frg6oo-1111113186694

    Tom Quirk
    Director
    Tom Quirk is former Chairman of Virax Holdings Limited, a biotechnology company. He is on the Board of the Institute of Public Affairs. He has been Chairman of the Victorian Rail Track Corporation, Deputy Chairman of Victorian Energy Networks and Peptech Limited as well as a director of Biota Holdings Limited He worked in CRA Ltd setting up new businesses and also for James D. Wolfensohn in a New York based venture capital fund. He spent 15 years as an experimental research physicist, university lecturer and Oxford don. He is also a member of the Scientific Advisory Panel of the climate change denier group Australian Climate Science Coalition. Other well known members of this panel are:
    ‘Professor’ Bob Carter, Dr David Evans , William Kininmonth , John McLean , Professor Ian Plimer

  28. abbienoiraude

    Kaye wrote;

    “It has been shown that if you buy shares in any company whose logo appears on Tony’s lycra, you are certain to make money.”

    Gee. I didn’t know ‘Carers Australia’ was a money making concern.
    Who’d have thought that my ‘job’ ( which I get $118 pf) was worth money to Abbott!
    I loathe and resent his sporting the carers logo on his lycra when he is hell bent on vilifying ( as bludgers and rorters) those who we, carers, care for!

    Your article, Kaye, is terrifying. So close to the bone I can see the nerve endings exposed.

  29. Kaye Lee

    Speaking of misinformation…..

    “An Australian employee of the G4S security firm on Manus Island says PNG police stood back and allowed locals to break into the compound last month, did nothing to stop them beating detainees, and in some cases participated in the violence and intimidation.

    His claim, made on condition of anonymity, contradicted a leaked PNG police internal incident report into unrest at the detention centre on February 17 that describes the deadly violence as a confrontation solely between G4S security guards and asylum seekers.

    The Australian G4S employee witnessed “a frenzy of out-of-control violence”, telling the ABC that after a second night of protests at the detention centre, G4S staff under attack from rock-throwing asylum seekers asked to withdraw from the facility and agreed to hand over security to PNG police.

    The source says PNG police then fired five or six warning shots and stood back as enraged locals poured into the compound over a back fence.

    “We saw them going in with machetes. They had anything they could pick up – rocks, sticks, the poles from the exercise weights,” the guard said.

    “Once they knocked people to the ground, they were stomping on their heads with their boots.

    “A day later you could still see guards and staff and cleaners walking around with blood on their boots.”

    One of the injured asylum seekers has also detailed what happened to him in an interview recorded from hospital a few days after the attack.

    He told the ABC:

    “Six people were on top of me … hitting me. At the end I was holding my hand to my face to protect my face form being hit. Then **** came … I know him personally. He kicked me with his boots … on my face.”

    http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-03-04/g4s-employee-contradicts-png-police-report-into-manus-riot/5295740

  30. Keitha Granville

    can I ask the question again ? Who the hell voted for these people ? They must be hiding under rocks somewhere. Lots of ordianry Austrlaians did, are they all complete morons ? Or just gullible ? I love the piece, but am frightened by it as well. Can we survive 3 years before we can vote them out ? will it be too late ? How much of the country will be salvageable ? Keep up the good work, keep on with the truth, keep on rubbishing the lies we are being fed. The AIMN keeps me going, keeps me sane.

  31. lawrencewinder

    “The-Coots-With-Queer-Ideas-From-A-Parallel-Universe” (IPA) need to have their donor base investigated and exposed.
    The level of influence they have had so far literally makes them the government as most of what “Abbott-the-Hun” has instituted has been on their agenda. ABC,SBS, Australia Post, CSIRO, and others mentioned here back in Feb 2013…: http://shanewombat.blogspot.com.au/2013/02/and-theyre-running.html …..Who pays the Piper his tune we play….these policys being enacted by “Rabbott” were not part of his platform and therefore cannot be considered as having any mandate.

  32. Kaye Lee

    This is an interesting article about IPA funding. Donations to them are tax deductible. To get that status that had to promise that the donations were being used for scientific research. The conditions were quite specific. There seems to be a good case for taking away their “deductible gift recipient” status. Let’s see if Gina still wants to keep funding them if they aren’t a tax deduction for her.

    http://www.abc.net.au/unleashed/3849006.html

  33. Kaye Lee

    “Lord Deben, head of the UK Committee on Climate Change and Tory politician, has slammed the Abbott Government’s push to pull back climate change policies:

    “It lets down the whole British tradition that a country should have become so selfish about this issue that it’s prepared to spoil the efforts of others and to foil what very much less rich countries are doing…

    All that pollution which Australia is pushing into the atmosphere is of course changing my climate. It’s a real insult to the sovereignty of other countries…

    It’s wholly contrary to the science, it’s wholly contradictory to the interests of Australia and I hope that many people in Australia will see when the rest of the world is going in the right direction what nonsense it is for them to be going backwards.”

    http://www.macrobusiness.com.au/2014/03/uk-tory-slams-abbotts-climate-insult/

  34. Paul Raymond Scahill

    Get rid of the Speaker of the house. Then get rid of the rest, starting with the P.M.

  35. Daryl

    King Abbott the Leader of the new Capitailst Party.
    Roll on selling our businesses and attacking workers as though we are the cause of continual Government mis-management.
    Oh by the way, in NSW 14000 Public servant jobs are being axed in the Disability Services under the NDIS privtiasation debacle. Add this to Qantas, motor vehicle manufacturing and further off-shoring of everything imaginable.
    A bleak outlook indeed.

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