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The horse’s doovers

An amuse-bouche of mainstream news: A round-up of items that barely rated a mention in the mainstream coverage

Following a renewed push for an Oz republic the Australian Monarchist League has appointed Liberal senate loser Eric “Otto” Abetz as chairman of their group whose objective is to retain the Windsor (née Saxe-Coburg and Gotha) monarchy. Eric said he was delighted to contribute to any campaign that helped to keep the Germans in charge.

In unrelated royal news Liz has gifted a guidebook of Parisian road tunnels to Meghan Markle following Meg’s latest ploy to pap The Firm. Reportedly the ex-actress, now pro gold-digger ‘rediscovered’ her diary in which she recorded her experience in the Royal Family as an ‘insurance policy’. “Nice little earner you’ve got there Liz. Shame if anything should happen to it.” The Australian Republican Movement has put in an early bid for publishing rights.

* * * * *

Arch-monarchist Tony Abbott, the red-sluggoed, forelock-tugging, groom of the stool candidate and technophobic visionary who was ejected by his party from the PM chair and rejected by otherwise reliable Tory voters from his own seat has been recruited by the Victorian Liberals to improve their own electoral palatability. Which reminds me of Piggy Mudloon’s crack about Kiwi immigrants to Oz improving the average IQ of both countries.

The other key plank in the southern Tories’ clever pre-election PR campaign is to shorten their leader’s name from Matthew to Matt in a cunning reprise of the ScoMo™ strategy. As a distraction from previous proclivities such as sharing lobster & Grange with a mobster and drunkenly crashing their prestige motor into a child’s bedroom it may not be as effective as they may hope given the ALP in Victoria increased its large election-winning lead from a month ago: ALP 60.5%, L-NP 39.5%.

* * * * *

At the national Jobs Summit the Australian Retailers Association has called for the rescinding of the Factory Act (1883) so as to legalise the employment of 13 year olds. Director of Workhouse Gruel, Ezra d’Tripe, defended the idea claiming it would help to keep the youngsters out of the reach of the clergy.

This is a multi-faceted approach to statistical manipulation as it offsets the aging demographic of the workforce that was exacerbated by the Tories’ bold initiative of forcing retirees back on the tools.

At this same forum the Nationals’ Dave Bradbury Littleproud volunteered his idea of bringing back blackbirding to keep the price of fruit within reach and offset the collapse of the food chain brought about by his Party’s digging up of all fertile agricultural land in search of additional raw material with which to cook the planet.

* * * * *

Numerologist and one-woman whinge fest Sussan Ley has continued her campaign to re-connect with disaffected women by disparaging the “union thugs” at Albo’s Jobs Summit. The average unionist is a 35 year old female nurse.

Suss – when the vacuum in your head causes your face to cave in. Her latest pitch takes up Spud’s line, whining about the “forgotten people”, forgetting that it was their lot who forgot them.


Tosser. Aging like a fine whine


* * * * *

Sarah Palin, an Alaskan, Trump-endorsed version of Bridget McKenzie on crack, has lost a special election for Congress to a native American Democrat in a state that has been red for almost 50 years. The blow-back from the Roe v Wade decision by the GOP cookers on the SCOTUS has put the frighteners on the gun toting right-to-lifers and law abiding insurrectionists of the Republican Party whose Big Lie has now become their standard concession speech – “the election was stolen”.

The USA may yet be saved from its rapid descent into busted-arse status if enough sensible Americans decide that saving their democracy is worth delaying their trip for a Cholesterols-R-Us triple-decker burger with spray-on cheese, family fries and a Bucket-O-Coke and instead register a vote.

This article was originally published on Grumpy Geezer.


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  1. Phil Pryor

    Nothing like a larrfff from a safe distance, behind a wall, no pongs, whines or offensive objects actually near. Suussaaannn Leyladyley is as airheaded as any femmy outside of commercial media. Stripped, she might have endless blue bruises from defender’s poles. Littletobeproudof always manages to utter a rural inanity or ten. Otto Abetz gets a go here, a remnant of pre-1945 reflection, wants a German connection retained, a worthless yet overpriced bunch, so, why? Finally Sarah Palin, a vacuum within a space, enclosing a black hole of brainlessness, rounds up a very decent whinge.

  2. Craig Daniels

    Susssssan Ley just destroys both her credibility and intellect every time she opens her yap.

  3. Canguro

    Context is everything, when it comes to articulation. Why is the numerology freak uttering her disappointment? Do the numbers not add up? Has she latterly discovered that the extra ‘S’ in Sussan has not worked out as well as she expected? Does she feel ripped off by the quack who advised her to add the extra Ess in promise of rich fulfilment? Has her latest beau turned out to be a dud between the bedsheets? And on that matter, is she doing the parliamentary tango and having an illicit tryst with one of the LNP’s lotharios, like the alopeciac, or Beetrooter or Bro Stuey… and found they’re not up to her carnal expectations?

    Mysterious woman, her pregnant shake of the head replete with deep imputations of expectations not yet met or utterly crashed, her mouth a rictus of existential awakenings. Poor thing. It happens to us all, if that’s any comfort. She used to be a shearer’s cook…. one would have thought she’d be wise to the ways of the world by now.

  4. New England Cocky

    Your notes raised a welcome smile on this, another, wet & rainy day. I was first impressed by your header pic of the new CEO of the Nazional$ Party with whom Littletobeproudof will easily communicate about water matters.

    But should we be digging up Otto now that he has been retired into hard earned obscurity?

    Betty Windsor’s actions should always be noted as a precaution against another Dismissal, but does that mean her man gg David Hurley can get away with an $18 MILLION Scummo gift to the third party Australian Future leaders Foundation Ltd, an English ”charity” with no publicly known assets and directors who may asset strip the entity on unanimous decision?

    Is RAbbott going to advise Victorian Liarbrals leader Mutt Guy on how to turn off voters to lose an election when you have no talent and no policies that promote the best interest of Australian voters?

    Then our Liarbral airhead demonstrates her complete misunderstanding of the use of press interviews. Suspect Leyzee is doing an even better job of ”promoting” the Liarbrals than Bronnie ”Chopper Ride” Bishop who exposed the fallacies of Thatcherism so deftly.

    We wait for answers to these all consuming political questions …..

    An excellent entertaining article ….. again.

  5. Terence Mills

    Just an observation on the Pacific agricultural workers issue. I spoke to a group of ni-van (vanuatu workers) the other day – having knocked around the Pacific I speak passable tok pisin.

    I had seen them sitting around for several days in a local park and they told me that they had only had two days work this week and the deductions (board & lodging, transportation and airfares, Labour hire contractor fees) were negating any income they actually received : they were accumulating debt. They were here to pick blue-berries but there was insufficient work continuity to actually make any money and as they were ‘bonded’ to their employer they could not go and seek work in bananas or citrus (or soon in mangoes) where there is demand.

    These are good folk but they will leave Australia with a debt and won’t be coming back again in a hurry – they will return to their communities ashamed of their inability to earn money to feed their families.

    Something in the system is broken.

  6. Hans

    Terrence, “something in the system is broken’ – could it be control freaks who want the lion’s share of everything?
    I don’t know how to fix this situation but anecdotal stories like yours help out.
    My trust in the system is veering to zero. There are large subset of politicians who tend to vote for what helps their personal portfolio.
    My faith in the medical system is on empty as an arrogant AMA deliberately ignores science and stifles debate.
    Most all institutions are broken and about my only hope is that from the ashes the phoenix of a new civil society will arise.
    But restoration means first we have to hit rock bottom and then each person will need to take back their own power.
    That is when the power of NO will need to be delivered to the faces of those who would destroy civilization.

  7. wam

    As a troll. I agree, in part with 13 year old workers but 14 year old apprentices is a good age to learn. When I started teaching in high schools there were 2 exam excluders. intermediate where failures went digging and passers either went to apprenticeships or stayed for matriculation. Eng, latin, maths 1 and 2 physics and chem went to uni. Lesser mortals became bank johnnies or plumbers/sparkies (with xovers dependent on family) At that time the craft faculties were controlled by retired chippies (you knew their carpark by the merc, jag and volvo labels). They were not of the current 8 out of 10 brigade but do it right or do it again. 15 year olds will do it again but 18 year olds???

  8. paul walter

    That is a sad old story from Terence Mills.

    Having a hair cut this morning and the barber, mid eastern looking, perked up when Pakistan was mentioned- reckons the Indians have caused the misery by not letting the water run through.

    Thing is, How can so many people be in such misery while the barber and I are chatting in the ciomfort of a comfortable shop here?

  9. RoadKillCafe

    An interesting woman is Mary Peltola, quite unlike our little ssussssy, Mary, a Yup’ik (indigenous Alaskan) in 1995 won Miss National American Indians pageant. She performed two Yup’ik dances, wore traditional clothing inc. squirrel skin parka, wolf hair headdress and mukluks. Also a judge on the Orutsaramiut Native Council’s tribal court 2020 – 2021. First Alaskan native, first woman to represent Alaska in the House since 1972. Thanks, Wikipedia.
    Meanwhile we are graced with a bonehead, an airhead, a pisshead and noprideheremate as her majesty’s esteemed opposition, a two faced prime monster ably supported by his liberal light acolytes and, of course, my old favourite, out of fucking control global warming.
    How does it go? Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die? A little drastic perhaps, still time left for a miracle, a readjustment, hope, even prayer if that’s your thing.

  10. totaram

    “..reckons the Indians have caused the misery by not letting the water run through.”

    Run through what? The space between his ears? Just look at a map of Pakistan and tell me where “the Indians” can cause floods in Pakistan by “not letting the water run through”.

    This is the kind of conspiracy thinking that will surely guarantee a fine end to our civilisation.

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