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The Gaffer Tapes

The great awakening

Morrison’s tenure has been a test of his character – one he has failed abysmally. The election will be a test of Australia’s character but likely one we will pass.

It is not entirely clear to me when Smirko Morrison’s re-election campaign jumped the shark.

Tony Abbott was a national embarrassment, a badly shaved yowie in red-sluggos who bumble-fucked his brief, shambolic term as PM as if he were still in opposition. Morrison runs his as a marketing exercise. Electioneering has been his permanent setting since he and his retinue of Winston Wolfes and limbo champions steam-cleaned Malcolm Turnbull’s blood spatter from the PM’s suite and took up residence. We’ve had >3 years of Smirko the spiv playing dress-ups, 1,300+ days of curries and cock-ups, of crimes and cover-ups, of the game of mates, of drink spikers and staff shaggers, of dullards and sousers in high office – a time when a functionary tabled his seminal work on a minister’s desk and two Tory amuse-douche MPs tea-bagged rent boys in the PH prayer room.

Abbott’s trademark was the man who said ‘no’, manifesting in a chum bucket of idiocies and hyper-partisan destruction. Adrift in a world that had long passed him by, threatened by notions of gender equality, confused by the concept of functioning governance and bewildered by technology he traded on a swaggering, hairy-chested machismo that had the north shore matrons and Toorak ladies-who-lunch swooning onto their fainting couches. Yet signs of dementia pugilistica came daily, culminating in the anointing of Sir Prince Philip – a comical travesty that defined him; it was the tipping point for the Mad Monk.

With Abbott it was idiocy, with Smirko it’s integrity – a surfeit of one and a dearth of the other. Both embraced the Tory manifesto of enriching cronies, trashing standards and running down services. Both are manifestly incompetent – same same but different. Abbott’s character was comically flawed – an emu on roller skates. Smirko is rotten to his blackened soul – loathed by much of his own party, toxic in traditional blue ribbon urban seats, particularly despised in Victoria and WA, recognised by women for his inherent misogyny; by putting himself forward as the solution to crises of his own creation he’s revealed himself as a humbug, a charlatan of disposable principles, transactional loyalties, casual cruelty, habitual mendacity and practiced duplicity who has overseen not just the normalisation of corruption but the institutionalisation of it, throwing pork about like burley and shovelling billions of our dollars into the greedy maw of the Tory chums and party apparatchiks.

But when did it all start to go wrong for Smirko?

I don’t hold a hose, mate“, “That’s not my job” will be the epitaph for the Shirker from the Shire.

As Smirko the flaccid, dull eyed blaggard lazed on a Waikiki deckchair fingering a slippery nipple he was comforted by the knowledge that the ash-flecked citizens from burning towns across the country would be lied to about his whereabouts. What the cowardly twat didn’t anticipate was an observant Aussie tourist with a smartphone capturing his idyll. This was the loose thread. The start of the unravelling of any notion of ethical, courageous or competent governance.

This was the character defining moment but it falls outside of the formal election campaign and in the midst of an epidemic a distracted population moved on. Smirko reverted to type and bunged on the bogan for the blokey blokes and the irredeemably gullible. More toolie than tradie Smirko’s photo-ops morphed into a fuckwit-at-large montage – creepy uncle fondling a stranger’s head, Wally the cross-eyed welder, work experience guy dangling his loose tie over a high-powered, pneumatic rattle gun, ukulele player (Hawaii…WTAF? Another country member? Yes; yes we do).

There are times when Morrison lets his facile FauxMo cover slip and he reveals his true self in all of his smug glibness and self-satisfied smarm, displaying a personality with the appeal of a bin juice smoothie. The demeanour of the great dissembler is now a barometer of the dawning realisation that his affected schtick and linguistic gymnastics are not working any more. He’s become the trombone player practising behind you on the bus – loud, bellicose, pushy. As the gaslighting, attempted wedges, obfuscation, deflection and projection fail to recover the tanking Tory numbers his volume and tempo increases, his belligerence intensifies. A shouty, gish-galloping Morrison is a desperate Morrison.

The beginning of the end for this kakocracy was not one single thing or one moment – it’s been the Fibonacci accumulation of scandals, grift, incompetence, ecocide, sleaze and cruelty. The most beautiful words that I can anticipate will be counsel assisting a federal ICAC putting to these criminals seated in the stand “Let me see if I can help you with that”.

 

 

This article was originally published on Grumpy Geezer.

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10 comments

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  1. Josephus

    The real jobless rate is at least ten per cent given that one hour a week means almost everyone is a so called worker. Albos so called gaffe is irrelevant.
    Nor should Labor pretend it can do much. At least admit that wars and climate change affect us all. No government has a magic wand.

  2. Andrew J. Smith

    Abbott, now UK Trade Envoy, found (part of) his world in presenting at Hungarian think tanks funded by PM ‘mini Putin’ Orban’s government, anti-EU, promoting anti ‘wokeness’ or white Christian nationalist ‘culture wars’ etc. and linked to fossil fueled libertarian Koch Network, what else?

    Embarrassingly, (normal) US conservative Anne Applebaum called out one of the think tanks, Danubius Institute, and like Abbott’s advisor (was), their ‘Visiting Fellows’; resulted in Abbott’s advisor’s details being removed from the Institute’s website within 24 hours of Applebaum’s comments; ‘reverse ferret’?

    Why Australia’s conservatives are finding friends in Hungary…. the former prime minister’s talk of migrants “swarming across the borders in Europe”, invoking the dangerous old notion of immigrants as pests or vermin.https://www.smh.com.au/politics/federal/why-australia-s-conservatives-are-finding-friends-in-hungary-20190924-p52uim.html

  3. Harry Lime

    Brilliant precis of the oh, so fucking fake from the Shire,a prologue to his imminent demise.As for the rest of his non paying,non performing rabble of shitkickers who have been happy to ride on the coat tails of his egregious lies…they are now all shitting their tailored suits,no better illustrated than sweet family man,Joshie from the ‘entitled dickwit’ faction.Shoulda stuck with tennis,,he couldn’t be worse than he is now
    Or could he?

  4. New England Cocky

    GG you have crafted another delicately poised assassination by truth of the COALition misleader with imagery that makes may toe-nails tingle. The ”Fibonacci accumulation of scandals, grift, incompetence, ecocide, sleaze and cruelty” makes my mathematical past echo with joy, the accurate ”Shirker from the Shire” who ”don’t hold a hose, mate” brought back fond memories of my RFS mate incinerated in the 70s Shire fires and the too vivid memories of the bush holocaust of the 2019-2020 fire season.

    Political retribution will occur on 21 May 2022

    We all must act together by VOTE BELOW THE LINE FOR EVERY CANDIDATE giving the highest numbers to sitting COALition politicians on both the ballot papers.

  5. Brad Black

    What a lovely thought at the end of your fine epistle, Mr Geezer!

  6. pierre wilkinson

    a pleasure as always, and hope springs eternal that you are correct in your summation of the liar’s eventual appearance at a federal ICAC, along with the majority of his corrupt and incompetent cabal

  7. Michael Taylor

    Grumpy, snap one of these up (it was an ad on our site):

  8. Denise

    A brilliant article about two of the most loathsome men to ever attain leadership in this country. It was Howard who opened the gate and allowed these monsters to trample upon the very fabric of our society

  9. Sharon RIdyard

    This article is brilliant. It is so good that I am going to donate as I want more of these amazing descriptions of these despicable creeps Abbott & Morrison. I agree with you whole-heartedly and I am becoming to realize that Morrison is not only a flawed character but I actually think that he might have a serious personality disorder. His absolute refusal to install an integrity commission with teeth and balls just displays that he just does not understand the concept that if the people want it it will happen! The labor party and others in parliament owe it to the Australian public and in particular to the tax payer to really flesh out and expose the scams and rorts undertaken by these inequitable bastards whose reign we have been under for the last decade. My mute button works overtime as every-time that the lying creep Morrison comes on the TV I have to mute, as I can no longer listen to the absolute bullshit oozing from his mouth. He is so unaware of his actions that really piss people off. For instance spending $52 for his vege curry. That is what most aged pensioners spend on their weekly shop. Meat has disappeared from our budget and of late so have veges. Also in his BS 60 minutes home scene offering Carl an expensive drink on arrival just really pisses us off. Morrison thinks that it makes him look so cool but it is just another opportunity for him to brag off. He does have a blackened heart. He has no compassion for anyone who is not rich or successful in the business world. In other words……..very few people in life become millionaires or billionaires through honest means. Of course there are exceptions like mining magnates, techno freaks and inventors. But just the fact that Morrison worships these people and the dollar displays his complete understanding of the human condition.

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