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Technology, Witches And The Liberal Party!

I’m not sure if this was sent to me by mistake!

Transcript of meeting.

Malcolm – Ah, Peter. Sit down.

Peter – Now, there’s no need to thank me, I…

Malcolm – Thank you?

Peter – Yeah, for distracting everyone from those cuts to Gonski and Medicare. Isn’t that the plan for this week?

Malcolm – Are you suggesting that you sent that text deliberately?

Peter – Um… No, but I just thought that it worked out well.

Malcolm – Worked out well?

Peter – Yeah, I rang Sam and we had a good laugh about it. We laughed and laughed. I suggested that maybe she’d like to go to a Hong Kong bar with me and she laughed and laughed, and told me that I was unbelievable…

Malcolm – Yeah, well I’m with her on that. Have you any idea how this looks to the general public?

Peter – I suppose some might think that I shouldn’t have sworn in the text message…

Malcolm – You called her a “f*cking witch”. We’ve been trying really hard to distance ourselves from accusations of sexism and you do this. I mean, Tony tried to argue that he didn’t see the “Ditch the Witch” sign. I don’t think you can argue that you didn’t see your own text!

Peter – I could say that it was sent by a member of my staff and that they didn’t draw it to my attention.

Malcolm – That’ll never work.

Peter – It worked for John Howard plenty of times!

Malcolm – This is going to undercut a lot of my work promoting women to cabinet.

Peter – Well, it might seem a little bit sexist, but surely it’s only women who’ll care.

Malcolm – Women make up over half the population!

Peter – When did that happen?

Malcolm – It didn’t happen! It’s always been like that.

Peter – Oh, so you want me as Immigration Minister to stop more women coming in?

Malcolm – No. You’re here to discuss the re-shuffle.

Peter – Does this mean your going to make me Deputy Leader?

Malcolm – Why would I make you that?

Peter – Well, there’s talk that I’m now leading the conservatives in the Liberal Party.

Malcolm – Are you?

Peter – I don’t know, they haven’t told me yet.

Malcolm – No, I’m not making you deputy. But I am considering changing your portfolio.

Peter – But you said that my talents were best suited to being Immigration Minister.

Malcolm – I said that you were best suited to a job where all you had to do was keep repeating, “I don’t comment on operational matters” and stay away from open mikes, but I forgot to confiscate your phone, so I’m wondering if you might be better suited to something like Foreign Affairs.

Peter – But Julie’s doing that, isn’t that a girl’s job?

Malcolm – She’s the first female Foreign Minister we’ve had.

Peter – Yeah, but before her it was Kevin Rudd and Alex Downer. I mean it’s not a real blokey sort of job. Tony’s never done it.

Malcolm – I don’t really think you’re grasping this non-sexist language concept.

Peter – No, I get it. I shouldn’t say anything that’ll upset those feminazis, like “women’s work” or “ugly bitch” or “Just get us a cup of coffee, dear” when I’m speaking to a female head of state.

Malcolm – Ah, progress. Anyway, you’re telling me that you don’t want to be Foreign Minister?

Peter – Not if I’ve got a choice.

Malcolm – Well, how about if you take over Mal Brough’s job?

Peter – Oh, what’d he do?

Malcolm – Well, nobody actually knows, so it’d be a perfect job for you.

Peter – But is it a promotion?

Malcolm – That’s the beauty of the job. It’s the most important job in Parliament because you’re in charge of making sure that we all act with propriety and integrity.

Peter – How do I do that?

Malcolm – That’s the beauty of job, nobody knows!

Peter – Ok then, what happens when Mal’s cleared. Does he get his old job back?

Malcolm – Ah, Peter, you do make me laugh. So, Special Minister of State it is then. And part of the condition of the job is that you don’t have a mobile phone.

Peter – But how will I contact people then?

Malcolm – They’ll contact you. Until someone contacts you, I’d like you to sit in your office and wait.

Peter – What am I waiting for?

Malcolm – The election…

Peter – And then I start campaigning?

Malcolm – No, you’re waiting for the election to be over.

Peter – I see.

Malcolm – There’s a first.

Peter – What?

Malcolm – Nothing. Off you go. Just hand your phone to my secretary as you go.


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  1. Shelley

    Brilliant as always Rossleigh!

  2. Sen Nearly Ile

    malc: hang on a mo, peter. I’ll ring Peta to see if we still have the rabbott’s answer only phone.

  3. mars08

    Dutton did not suddenly appear, fully formed, as a Coalition government minister. He is a product of our education system, our society and out morals. He is a privileged member of the ruling class. He is an example of the “Australian values” our politicians love to jabber about. He is a reflection of the ugliness of 21st century Australia.

    This country has lost it’s way, and hardly anybody seems to care.

  4. Jennifer Meyer-Smith

    Dutton, Briggs, Brough: all nightmares for Turnbull to fix. I was worried when Abbott went into backbench obscurity that the entertainment had stopped. Not with these degenerates still around.

    My laughing at them also keeps my passion boiling which is a great lubricant to devising good ideas to work out how to get rid of them asap.

  5. jim

    Just remember the “Adults” are in charge.

  6. Shevill Mathers

    Love all your comments so far, roll on the ballot box time. Time to get out the big pruning shears.

  7. Deanna Jones

    Thanks for the laugh, Rossleigh, spot on. That text would have earned an extended suspension were it sent by a high school student. I don’t see how Dutton can reasonably expect to maintain a senior cabinet position after this.

    The absence of the rabbit is providing the rest of the clowns with opportunities to shine and showcase their own individual brands of idiocy.

  8. Rossleigh

    Ah, Scott Birmingham, an unfortunate choice of language under the circumstances:

    “But Mr Birmingham noted Mr Dutton’s quick action, telling the ABC he prevented a potential “witch hunt” over text.”

  9. Colin

    Royal Commissioner Heydon concluded that “there is room for louts, thugs, bullies, thieves, perjurers, those who threaten violence, errant fiduciaries and organisers of boycotts.”

    But enough about the Liberal Party …

  10. Michael

    Which hunt? = can’t wait.

  11. diannaart

    Brilliant Rossleigh.

    Well stated, mars08, we breathe the same air, live in the same world, as these troglodytes.

  12. mars08

    As long as no asylum seeker boats pop up over the horizon, I suspect that Dutton will remain a poster child of the Coalition right. All will be forgiven.

  13. Matters Not

    Great post! When a ‘crisis’ arrives good politicians see it as an opportunity to demonstrate ‘leadership’. Bligh, Newman and others did that when disaster struck and it worked in the political sense (albeit for only a limited period).

    Briggs gave Turnbull the opportunity to stand up for women which he did and I suspect that his stance will be rewarded in the future polls. I suspect also he would love to ‘sacrifice’ Dutton for similar reasons. (After all he must know that Dutton is a complete and absolute ‘dud’ – not capable of being in charge of ‘anything’.) Yet in many ways his reluctance to deal with Dutton demonstrates his relative ‘powerlessness’ within the current Coalition.

    Dutton is apparently a ‘power player’.

    Historically I wished that Abbott retained his position and I also wish that Dutton has a safe, secure future as a Minister. At least in the short to medium term. He’s a Labor asset. And they need all the help they can muster.

  14. Catriona Thoolen

    🙂 Very funny…because it really does ‘sound’ like both of them.

    Oh dear, that actually makes it very sad, doesn’t it?

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