Tainted love?

The allegations that Russia may have interfered with the recent US election has stung Republicans into springing to the defence of their ‘new best friend’ Russian President Vladimir Putin. This timeline by Alabama resident Ben Williamson would suggest that this friendship is not only new, but perhaps also feigned.

1999 – Vladimir V. Putin, former KGB operative, is appointed prime minister of Russia. Four months later, the president of Russia, Boris Yeltsin, abruptly and mysteriously resigns, naming Putin acting president pending elections.

2000 – Putin is elected by a little over 50%. He campaigns as a cool dude, and has all kinds of big talk about how he’s going to “make Russia great again”. Sound familiar? Everyone has high hopes. President Clinton says he thinks Putin has potential. After the election, he pulls a Castro and turns into a quasi-communist dictator, ramps up the war in Chechnya and is accused of trying to rebuild the Soviet Union … bombs the crap out of everyone … human rights violations abound. Republicans call him a monster, and call Clinton a communist for ever considering this tyrant had potential.

2001 – Russia and the U.S. expel 50 of each other’s diplomats over alleged espionage. The Russian government takes control of the press, and then, after a year and a half in office, Putin gives his first press conference. Sound familiar? Republicans called him a commie bastard, and praised Bush for being “tough” on him.

2002 – Russia begins a program to offer Russian passports to citizens of South Ossentia, spitting in the face of the lawful government of Georgia. This “passportization” process is an effort to legitimize Russian occupations in the future. Putin is accused of trying to rebuild the Soviet Union again. Republicans say … well, they don’t say anything because they’re still so worked up about terrorists. Obama does apparently time travel back to this time though and have something to do with this, as I’ve seen him blamed for the later war with Georgia.

2003 – U.S. invasion of Iraq begins. Putin praises the move. Republicans cry, “yeah! Putin knows what he’s talkin’ about! Let’s kill some Muslims!”

2004 – Personal relations between Putin and the Bush administration deteriorate. Putin gets caught trying to interfere in Georgian elections. In Ukraine, Viktor Yanukovych narrowly loses his bid for the presidency amid allegations of Putin’s involvement in the election. Putin is accused of trying to rebuild the Soviet Union … AGAIN. Most Republicans are oblivious because they’re still focused on the war.

2006 – Russian financed separatists in South Ossentia begin minor skirmishes against the Georgian government. The Georgian government puts them down, and removes from power the officials that started the coup. Putin calls it a “puppet government”, and vows to do everything he can to put pro-Russian officials back in power. Putin is accused of trying to rebuild the Soviet Union … AGAIN. Republicans are starting to catch on, and thanks to military-minded (though addled) Republicans like John McCain, they’re starting to see just how horrible Putin is.

2008 – Russia begins a full-scale invasion under the guise of humanitarian effort (sound familiar?) into Georgia. Putin swears those tanks and heavily armed troops are there only to deliver supplies to the poor Russian separatists! The U.N. condemns Russia for once gain laying waste to innocent civilian populations. President Bush proposes a missile defense shield to protect us all from Iran and North Korea. Putin says it’s an act of war, and promises to destroy anything we build. Republicans call Putin a monster again, and whine that Obama, campaigning for president, is too weak on Russia to be president, and his talk of “trying to reach common ground with Russia” is just liberal socialist-communist propaganda. Lol, Repubs actually accused OBAMA of being “pro-Putin”.

2010 – Viktor Yanukovych was elected president in Ukraine. This time, he campaigned as an anti-Russian, pro-EU candidate, and he actually won. There were allegations of Putin’s influence (sound familiar?), but no one could ever prove anything. Of course, as soon as he was in office, he pulled a Castro too, and instantly became pro-Russia, anti-EU.

2012 – A year of protest erupts in Russia over massive election fraud during their 2011 elections, which basically elected all of Vladimir Putin’s buddies to completely take over the government. Putin blamed Obama. Republicans blamed Obama. Republicans claim Russia is our greatest geopolitical enemy, and Putin is a tyrant and dictator.

2014 – Ukraine exiles pro-Putin president Yanukovych, and Russia unofficially declares war because of it, financially and militarily backing pro-Russian separatists. Seizes control of Crimea, which had very few Russian sympathizers, and just happens to be the bread basket of the old USSR. Republicans are outraged that Obama is so “weak” against the vile monster that is Putin. They cry and cry that sanctions aren’t enough.

2016 – Seventeen intelligence agencies tell us there is no doubt Putin directed his cyber warfare department to topple our elections in the effort to elect Trump. Republicans now say Putin is a “strong leader” and Russia is our new BFF. They cry and cry that these new sanctions are too much.

“Now if you begin to feel an intense and crushing feeling of religious terror at the concept (of what I just wrote), don’t be alarmed. That indicates only that you are still sane.”